Is this true love?

Question

I just got married a couple of months ago to this girl that I had a huge crush when we were young. One time I was reminiscing about my past through a series of photos when I was in grade school & I saw her name pop up to one of those yahoo groups. I made the first step by emailing her & the rest went on. We started chatting over yahoo & after a month we decided to have an online relationship. We treated that relationship like a normal one with whole honesty. But after a month I decided to fly over to the States to spend sometime with her then come back home to NZ. She suggested for me to just find work there & so I did cos it is a good idea rather than have a long distance one. After staying here with her for a good 4 months she suggested for us to get married so that I don't have to go back home & then retracted from it. It felt like she was playing games but in the end she pushed through with it. Now every fight gets worse & up to the point that she started hitting me. HELP!

She's not even American!!!!

We fight about the smallest thing, like she gets mad at me for shredding a reciept that doubles up. A RECIEPT THAT DOUBLES UP!!!!!

Dont get me or my wife wrong we do love each other but its just the fights that is tearing us apart.

Answer 1

no not at all

Answer 2

Every couple has fights. There are just certain times that are stressful when a couple has tough times. If you ask ANYONE who has been in a serious relationship they will tell you that they have been in a few fights. Even when they are Truely in love. The difference with true love, is that even while you are fighting, and right after, you still KNOW that you love this person more than anything, and couldn't live without them. That is my experience anyways, and i have only found true love once, and that is with my boyfriend now, and we've been in a few fights, and we are doing great!
Hopefully if you guys destress the situation you can TALK about the issues, and get everything figured out. Maybe go to a coffee shop, or somewhere calm to talk about it.
And the hitting thing, that is your problem. The fact that she is hitting needs to be delt with NOW. That is not allowed. I don't know if counseling or something would help with that. But if it doesn't get fixed, then you should NOT be in this relationship.
I hope everything works out, but i think the fact that you are questioning whether or not it is true love is also something to consider.

Answer 3

This is not not true love.

What started out as a good idea, has quickly turned into some sort of bad dream.

Yes, she may love you & you may love her, that maybe not be in question. But how well do you really know each other?

It sounds like she suggested marriage becuase she wanted to spend more time with you, as a way to get to know you better. You loved the idea for the same reason. That is fair enough. But then when she retracted it, maybe because she realised it would be a mistake, she has gone through with it whilst under pressure from you(?) to do so, so she doesn't go back on her word.

Now I would guess that she is feeling trapped, & angry. Not with you necessarily , but with herself for not being stronger & saying 'no, I don't want to get married'. By making your life hell, she is hoping you will walk away.

You both need to sit down & talk this through. It may well be that you need to move out (not to end the relationship) to give her some space, so she can get her head straight about what she wants to do. Possibly you you can go back to dating each other for a while, & then see where that takes you.

Your both in a tough spot right now, & there ain't no easy way to resolve it.

Answer 4

People often mistake love and get it mixed up with respect and compatiability. She sounds like she likes to take control and lead the way - thats ok but can get in the way of compatiability and respect. I am sure you have lots of feelings for this girl - but how much are they tied to your past? memories tied to when you were younger? Another thing is that she sugests things and you do it - do you ever stand up to her and say no - or do you say no now but didn't when you were married. All these issues get in the way of how you are both getting along. maybe aseperation for awhile or maybe some counselling? Does she see a problem.? also hitting you is not ok. Domestic violence whether male or female is not ok - she has no right to hit you at all? ok? And she needs to know that. I think you have alot to consider and think about but the bottom line is dont put up with the abuse - if she cant be nice and work things out then I am afraid you have some big decisions to make. Good luck

Answer 5

It sounds like she wasn't ready to get married when she did. People rush that and they really shouldn't, b/c marriage is forever.

Every couple goes through fights and disagreements, but you should probably seek some help if it's getting to the point of violence.

Marriage counseling might be the best suggestion. Seek a church or help group... that will give you a referee for your problems and help you both deal with them together instead of just fighting with no real purpose.

If she doesn't want to change or doesn't believe she should, she obivously wasn't mature enough when she married you. Ask yourself what is your marriage worth and if you still love her. You never mentioned anything about that. And it is vital, b/c after the heat melts away, love is all you will have.

I wish you both the best of luck... please remember that divorce should be the final absolute last resort!!!!

Answer 6

Every marriage starts with fights.
Relax, when she gets angry try to keep away until she is clam and then retalk the issue.
But if she HITS you then that is a problem. Because she is either insane or crazy.
Beating a person up is not a civilized way to do things.
Try talking, meybe she doesnt like you in bed, or maybe you have ways that gets her angey. TALK TALK TALK is the issue here and resolve it fast before she gets a knife on u.
Dont get divorsed still too early. she might want all of your property. so be careful

Answer 7

a relationship is about getting to no each other & seeing f u can live with each while marriage is a commitment however there always ups & downs in relationships these r the good & bad times in marriages just hung in there 4 a while but f u cant stand it any more move on however f it is real love then u will feel it Good luck man

Answer 8

there are plenty of things going on here....

hitting is NOT on. and she needs to stop. why do women think its ok to hit men but for men not to hit women. us girls cant have it both ways!!

you need to tell her to stop it straight away or you will walk away.

as for the rest. yes you married a stranger (people change over the years and become different people). i think you both remembered yourselves as you were years ago)

well now you are very different people and you married each other.

you have two options. leave or try and make it work.

life sucks sometimes dont you think ....?

i wonder what you fight over? money? commitment? it would be interesting to know..... whatever it is- do you think it can be resolved?

it sounds like you want it to work so why do you try and do just that. go and see a counsellor if you have to. surely its worth a try dont you think?

after all you love your wife dont you?

good luck

Answer 9

It's sad but it's also obvious that this marriage should never have happened. You must cut your losses, go home and start a new life for yourself. Staying in an abusive marriage is self destructive........the longer you stay the harder and more violent it will get. Use your family and friends to support you and DO NOT. feel ashamed in any way..it should be your wife who feels ashamed....violence is unacceptable in any relationship.
I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 10

What a mistake! THe problem is you rushed into something believing in the 'this is the one' or 'this is fate' - realy love is about slowly finding out about someone and being comfortable with everyhting they are including their faults - its acceptance.

You didnt do this and now you have married a nutter. You need to get out - like NOW before it gets worse and she gets pregnant or has more of a claim to any assets you have.

Answer 11

Smell--wake-up--coffee...ring any bells with you? Half way through reading your post i was going to suggest counselling for you both...then i came upon the "hitting" word, big no-no that is. BIN this bint before the "punching" starts...and more of her mind games.