Alone and rejected.....?

Question

My husband has been entirely disinterested in sex pretty much since he got laid off in August...he says he's just too stressed. The thing is, we are newly weds...we have sex occasionally these days...when we do it's pretty much just him getting his and then us going to sleep...when i want to make love and i put the moves on him he says " i'm not in the mood " i find myself feeling very alone and very rejected...i've tried talking to him...it doesn't work. I love making love with him...it's the ultimate way of expressing my love to him. I'm confused and i'm frustrated. I think i'm just ready to give up and forget sex all together. I'm tired of feeling undesirable to the man i care more for than anything else in the world...as a last result after yet another night of disappointment and rejection...i'm on here...asking anyone that can help...what i might be able to do to get my love life back on track with the "love" of my life?

Answer 1

he has a lot on his mind and losing his job is causing stress . give him time as to what he is going throught and when he finds a job . things will be like before . in my opion?

Answer 2

Sounds like you guys need some serious problem solving. It is really hard on a guy ( must go back to the hunter gather in us) when we don't have work, it hits our self esteem. Some guys use sex as a way to help with stress others like your hubby looses interest. IT DOESN'T MEAN HE FINDS YOU UNDESIRABLE!

The main thing you need to do is realise that it is not you, but it is the stress and your focus should be on helping your husband sort this problem out, may-bee even take some of the pressure of him by not making to much of a big deal about the sex.

Why not try just cuddling him in the mean time. If your marriage is important to you, then you may need to seek professional help.

I am not a counsellor but I am a Life Coach if you want some private help on this you could email me.

The main thing for now is to resolve the employment issue, I am sure you can do something about that together.

Hope this helps....

Answer 3

Do not take it personally. He is feeling like he isn't a man without being able to support you. Men are very touchy about failing their wife. He is holding back emotionally from you. I would imagine he is depressed. If you are nagging him about money or working that will be a turn off to him. Never go to bed and lay out all the problems you have, it will turn a man away. Keep all such talk out of the bedroom. My husband and I started having Friday nights with just the 2 of us. No phone, no kids. We would have a couple adult beverages just to loosen him up. It took some time but he finally loosened up to talk to me. We have our Friday nights now for around 20 years. He now looks forward to the intimate time together and knows that this is when we can talk about anything. Some Fridays are harder than others, some don't end to well because of some discussions, but we still don't miss them if at all possible. Everyone knows not to call us or plan Friday night social engagements because we will turn them down. Remember don't take it personal, when a man is feeling less than a man it seems to hit his sex life first. I pray God will get him a job and heal the rift between you. Don't give up on him.

Answer 4

If he has been laid off, he isn't feeling very manly right now, I am assuming. He can get that back by finding work, and you can help by just being there for support. You will get what you want after he gets back on track. Also, just a little secrete from a man, we love the dirty talk, or at least I do.

Answer 5

I feel for you. I am in a reverse role as you. I ahven't been laid off work, though she makes more than I do. After over 16 yrs of marraige she tells me flat out that she is know longer interrested sexually in me. I dont know how religious you are. I haven't been to church for ever, but have been constantly praying for help. I know you are hurting and its' hard to try to explain this to anyone who is , or has not gone through it. The most important thing is not to give up if he really still means that much to you. right now you have to be a bit selfish and help yourself first. Work on a good resume, get noticed by posting it on as many job boards as you can find, ex. monster.com, yahoo hot jobs, etc. I still ahven't found the ans. to my problem yet either. I just know thta I will fight to the end to do whta ever it takes to get my relationship back with my spouse. I trully wish you the best.

Answer 6

Under different circumstances, I would say that he's being a jerk. But, think about where he's at right now. He lost his job. That does major, major damage to a guy. Especially if you're newlyweds! He is probably depressed or getting moreso every day. Try to be patient right now. If he stops seeking work or stops showering and stuff, be alarmed. But cut him a little slack and try to be kind to him while he seeks work. But, 4 months is a little much. He needs to get back to work. It's bad for the mind to be idle so long.

Answer 7

Men are very proud creatures. Being laid off is enough to drive their pride down badly. So badly, that they just don't feel the need to have sex, because without a job, they are not viewing themselves as strong, virile men. It really gets them on an ego level. Since you've brought it to his attention already, I would suggest not trying to talk about it any more, as hard as it may be. I would suggest that you grin and bear it. Get him hot, silence him, tie him up, tell him how much you need his body, and then have your way with him.

Answer 8

No, You first could love your self and be your very own terrific chum then you definately could be quite comfortable with being on my own. Rejected, properly there are too many human beings available to sense that way, locate yet another. Unloved, old flame yet another. in case you adore them, enable them to bypass, in the event that they come again their yours for keeps.

Answer 9

Try to get away for a weekend with him. A bed and breakfast place may be good. That way you both get a vacation to rest your minds, and maybe you could have that romantic night that you need. My wife and I have done that, and it is memorable every time

Answer 10

sounds like u need to talk and let him release some stress or whats on his mind but to me it dont sound good if he is turning you down .........lost job.....time on his hands.......maybe something is going on .....if not then you need to allow him to get some things off his mind...releave his stress........give him a good rub down with him knowing your not expecting anything.......maybe it will change his mind...