comeing out...?

Question

i am 14 and have not came out yet and i want to know...how would i know ifmy mom would be ok with it? and when or were would be the best place or time to tell her? because i want to tell her but i am well.. scared. i dont know how to comeout and just say i am gay. and i am hopeing that u people can give me some avice.

Answer 1

This is difficult at your age. Just be yourself, as much as possible. When your mother is ready to know, she will ask you. If this never happens, it's no big deal. When it comes down to it, it really is nobody's business. When you get older and more comfortable with your sexuality, you won't even care what other people think. I don't know wherre you live, but here in Sydney we have two excellent services called twenty10, for young people, and PFLAG, parents and friends of lesbians and gays. They are of enormous help to young people and their families.

Answer 2

It's natural that you're scared. A number of people find being gay unacceptable, and you're afraid that your own mother will be hurt, disappointed, disgusted, or that she'll stop lovong you. Your concerns might be realistic, or they might be magnified by your own internalized homophobia. (It's like smog, we can't help but breathe it in.)

Do you have good reasons to think your mom would not be okay with you being gay? Has she made homophobic remarks or comments? Is she a conservative republican with Old Testament values? If your mother is "old fashioned," it may be more difficult for her to understand than a mother who is more progressive in her thinking.

Have you come out to anyone else yet? How did it go? It can be useful to have a friend or two who know you are gay. They can help you through the hard times when it feels like no one else can understand or be trusted. On the other hand, the same can be said of supportive parents when you feel like you have no friends.

I don't know if there is ever a "best" place, time, or way to tell your mom. You certainly know her better than I do, so I would encourage you to trust your instincts. I've attached a URL you can check out for some additional advice on the matter. I hope it helps.

Some people have found it beneficial to write a letter to compose their thoughts ahead of time. Some just let their parents know that they want to talk about something important, and ask to be heard out. It's normal to be nervous when you come out to someone and you're not certain how they will react.

When I came out to my mom, we were alone in the car together. I was driving us back from Christmas at my brother's house. I had been waiting all week to tell her, and something inside told me it was now or never. I was very anxious, and I said: "So, Mom. I'm gay. What do you think about that?"

It was indelicate and ungraceful, I admit, but I didn't want to mince words or get her anxiety primed by suggesting I had Something Really, Really Important To Talk About. (She's a worrier.) I think the news kind of stunned her. But she said, "Well.. I guess I feel a little like Cher." Which, in retrospect, was a hilarious response. :)

She didn't take it too well at first, but she didn't take it too badly, either. At first she was concerned that she might have done something wrong as a parent to "make" me gay. She was also concerned that I would get AIDS or that some hater would kill me. But she was most troubled by the prospect of me living a lonely life.

There was a lot that she didn't understand, a lot of misinformation to sort out. But we talked a lot more about it, and I reassured her, and I gave her a book to read called "Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Gays and Lesbians Talk About Their Experiences." It seemed to help her, and she's become very supportive, but it took a little time to adjust.

I was lucky. My mom is liberal and she's from Europe, and they're often way ahead of Americans as far as sexual attitudes go. And I knew she would keep loving me, no matter what. It saddens me when I think that not everyone is so fortunate.

I hope you're one of the lucky ones. Take care.

Answer 3

I suggest that you wait... I came out at 14 and all it did was make my life with my mom bad.... because she sent me to counseling and they all said it was her which helped me accept myself even more. My dad just disowned me and now wont even come see me. (my parents are divorced) It would be easier just to be you and not tell anyone. If someone ask you then you have to decide if you want to tell them. The place to tell your mom if you do decide to is in the privacy of your home, and never in the middle of an arguement; that just makes it worse. Just dont deny it to yourself. I am 16 now and my mom and I sitll fight all the time over it. Like we finally just now came to a conclusion that i can see 14-19 year old guys.. that is a 3 year space which is legal in Texas.

Well hope this helped you kido!! GOOD LUCK!
P.S: stay true to yourself, and just be honest.....
If you need any advice contact me on my yahoo e-mail

Answer 4

You have to do what you feel is right. In a perfect world, your family would be accepting, but this is not a perfect world, so be prepared to hear things like, "where did I go wrong" or "it's just a phase" or "it's a sin". For your sake, at your age, I hope your parents to accept it. Like someone else suggested, you might want to talk to others in the boat. They might be able to help you and tell you ways of going about it.

Answer 5

You should talk to a counselor at school. You may have some idea how she would react from past situations. Has she ever made negative comments about homosexuals? After you talk to the counselor maybe you can start working on dropping subtle hints to encourage her to ask. If she doesn't, don't worry, when the time is right you can express yourself.

Answer 6

If you feel that you need to come out, then do it. Something like the secret is causing strain in your relationship with your mom might be a reason to come out. If you two aren't very close and you don't tell her much, don't worry about it. When you get a boyfriend, don't lie to her. Be honest about your life. It's becoming slightly safer to come out nowadays. Just don't tell her when she's really angry or something.

Answer 7

I agree with Danny. People don't 'announce' they're straight so you shouldn't feel the pressure to 'announce' you're gay.

Just keep the private stuff private and one day when the time is right you can have a conversation with your mom or other members of your family one on one.

Answer 8

I think your mother knows - she just does not know how to
ask you about it either. Talk to her.
She loves you and will understand.
She is the only one you should tell.
No one else's business.

Answer 9

if you need to come out... then do
don't hide who you are, who you love
when i came out it was heard for a long time, but you get over it
like i have said befor your family are thoughs who care about you
don't expect them to be happy at first kid,
they will get it though,
hang in there...

Answer 10

you'll know what she will think by her reaction to other gay issues or even celebrities coming out and her reaction to them. You are her child and she will hopefully love you no matter what.