What do you think of my song or poem i've made?

Question

This one is more cheerful
Come on baby take my hand
Will go wonder in the notorious land
Don’t be nervous don’t be shy
Just come on you’ll feel so nice
The water is cool
But the sand is hot
There is no worries there is no pressure
Just you and me it will be much better
The sky is blue and the grass is green
The flowers are bloomed and the birds are free
No one will stop us not a single soul
We’ll get pass the warriors will get past the army
Will be so fast no one could see us
So come on baby take my hand
Will go someplace cool and grand
Its okay its alright
The stars will be out on this Friday night
All of our fears will be out of sight
So don’t be nervous don’t be shy
Its okay you’ll be fine
Just come along with me
To the notorious land
And you will see the kind of person who I really am

Answer 1

It's realy good, have you thought of maybe making a book full of poems just like this really good one, cause this one is definitely gonna make some cash. Oh and one other thing, you might want to switch "Will to We'll." It just looks easier to say and thats what i thought you meant.

Answer 2

Good job. Remember us when you are famous some day :-)

Answer 3

I like it...better then I could ever do...You should be proud of yourself :)

Answer 4

very nice....