Ladies I am trying to work on my relationship with my husband to make sex better but.......?

Question

He won't listen. I've been having this problem in my relationship with my husband constantly wanting to have sex but I don't because of the issues in our relationship. So I explained to him how I felt that he was selfish and stubborn, never gives me credit for anything and that I do and that I am secure in the relationship. I mean I poured my heart out with tears and everything and he still had nothing to say but "i just want to have sex" . What more can I do I even told him I need to feel okay with the person I am sharing intimate moments with and I want to feel special sometimes. I have bought him flowers, cooked him dinners, acted like a straight ho for him meaning I go kinky and still nothing for me, just bend over so we I can do you. WHAT ELSE IS THERE WHAT ELSE CAN I DO This is all he focuses on and it makes me feel like **** when he allows me to lay there knowing I am hating every minute of it. Why would someone want to have sex with there wife if they feel disgusted

Answer 1

Girlfriend, this is where I tell you that it's time to pack his bags and serve him the divorce papers. Seriously, this one isn't worth your time.

Answer 2

Well first off you say you tryed telling him how you feel. but all i heard is thats he's a no goood son of a B this is wrong that is bad etc.. no man going to feel to great about hereing all the crap he makes you feel. your not getting to him that way. think if the tables were turned and he said that to you .. You would tune him out you would say well I can't seem to do anything right why bother. So naturally he feels like a failure in your eyes.

Try talking about his good sides and nicely add that you would like to have a more romantic love making session than bam bam tell him you need to be cuddles you like the romance to be spiced up a bit not just dive right in.

And keep an ear out for something he does say that you like. and then PIPE UP and let him know how you thought that was nice of him. All im hearing is his bad sides and im sure he does too. he must do somethings nice for you. So start priasing the good. i bet he will remember what you like and try to do that or say that more often. but if you constantly tell him what a no good this or that he is. its pretty hard to be cheerful around anyone like that.

and im sure your sex would be better to if he felt you actually loved him for him and not angry at all his faults. its a two way street . women arn't perfect either and im sure if he had his say on here about you he'd have plenty to say.

I dont' say this to hurt you I maybe a bit blunt but i want you to look at the other side. I think your only seeing this from your angle. widen your view and you will see that this could be a bigger picture.

You can do this girl. Get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.

Good luck chin up and new year a new leaf.

Answer 3

You could try by surpising him when he gets home. Like waiting in the bedroom with your teddi on with stockings and high heels, that always turns a man on. Have candles lite make it very romantic for both of you. Don't make it look like your desparete even though you might be. If this works e-mail me. And you could also try some toy. Try the links I left for you. Another one would be new positions.
Alot of couples careers get in the way of romance. Maybe the romance is gone out of your lives. Try using some candles, insence, or a nice relaxing bubble bath. You can also take a trip to a nice hotel with a hottub for the weekend. Put back into your relationship what was missing. I could be wrong,but it think he is getting pretty juiced out on the road,and he doesn't have any left for you.Truckers are known for that.Ask him why he does not want to have sex w/ you?
the next time your are home together turn off all of the electrical breaker, and light a lot of candles, and give him a message with oil, then let the love making proceed

Answer 4

That is a tough situation. I personally would try marriage counseling as the next step. It looks like you have tried everything else. The one thing that may be worth trying is reading the book 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands' by Dr. Laura. It may help explain why he is the way he is. And is there a chance that maybe your husband is having an affair? I hate to say that but it sounds like it could be possible since he is being so selfish. If all else fails, tell him that if he won't satisfy you, then you'll have to find someone on the side that will...that should get his attention. :o)

Answer 5

I was having similar issues with my husband... he does give me credit and has listened to my feelings but I have had a disinterest in sex for a long time- mostly due to the stress of working, going to school, raising a family and medications that I have been taking. He told me that he loves me but that he was feeling very frustrated with our sexual relationship. I talked to another guy about this- he said- guys are always thinking about sex... period. He told me that if I didn't do it, unfortunately, most guys will find it somewhere else. He gave me some tips. He told me that being spontaneous is the key. He said to do things like- stand at the front door naked when he gets home from work, reach over in bed and make a move, have a glass of champaign at the bedside and put a teddy on... he said that it helps to put a twist on things- and it usually improves the woman's mood about sex too- when it starts to become fun... I have tried a couple of things- I thought I would feel really stupid but you know what? It works. Over the past couple of months, our sex life has gotten so much better. You may want to consider marriage counseling. And last of all- you may just have to fake it. Sexuality is a major part of a healthy marriage. Just let him know that you love him, tell him what parts bother you. Tell him what he can do for you to make it better for you. Guys will usually listen if they know that are going to get something out of it too... a guy told me this so i'm not trying to be negative towards guys.

Answer 6

He is doing it because you are allowing it.
Women tend to be more emotional while men tend to be more physical. I have heard you say all the things that bother you to him, but no solutions.
I would then re-evaluate as to "why" I do what I do for him...are you doing it with expectations of him appreciating it? If so that is what some of your emotional is and I would stop burning energy in that way. It sounds to me like this relationship is one sided and it's not your side. Your give give give and all he does is take.
Another thing is you said and I quote "when he allows me to lay there knowing I am hating every minute of it"....BECAUSE your letting him....your grown don't blame him for what you can chose!
Tease him a little and don't give in so easy....say kindly...or sexy....I'll give you this if you say why you appreciate me(or whatever it is you need to hear)....seduction girl!!!
But NEVER do something you do not enjoy!!! Sets yourself up for the fall....I wish you luck!

Answer 7

Sounds like he doesn't give a crap about you or your feelings. A marriage license does not mean you have to have sex. You need to tell him that you will not be "doing" it any more until HE changes his ways. And if he cannot change then divorce him. He is treating you like a piece of meat. No wife needs to be treated like that. Stand up for yourself and lay down the law. Be strong. There are plenty of men out there willing to treat you like the lady you are. Good luck!

Answer 8

Good sex is a mutual thing and can only be enjoyed by partners who are passionate, emotionally balanced and are comfortable with each other. Your husband has no respect or regard for your needs and emotions and he does'nt seem to care. Don't waste your time with him. File the divorce papers and move on. Life is much more than hanging around with a jerk.

Answer 9

oh darling, good luck. How is the rest of your marriage going? Sounds like it can't be too good. I would withhold it from him if I didn't want to give it. And he doesn't seem to really respect you. Ignore him for a while. I hate to suggest divorce, but at some point in time, if he doesn't come around, what else can you do? You don't want to go through your life unhappy. You really deserve someone who treats you with respect.

Answer 10

He doesn't love you at all and he is saying it in so many words. Their are some men out there that will only marry a woman to cook and clean for them. And give them sex that when they want no emotionally attachment. My advice to you is to suggest counseling. And if that doesn't work start filing some divorce papers because you will be wondering a lifetime about him and he isn't worth all that.

Answer 11

This is a classic bait and switch. He lured you in and once you were married, he showed the real him. Honey, this IS the real him and he isn't gonna change. This has N O T H I N G to do with you in any way. Please don't look at this as a failure on your part - this is all his problem and was like this before you came along.

Please try to re-direct your attention on things you like to do, and fill up your time with them. Also, plan your escape. Even if it takes 6 months (like me) plan your route. You are not alone and this is not your fault - chin up now ok?

: )