My ex husband commited suicide last Fri the 24th.Our girls are 25 19 and 17.I need some advise on how to help them? And also what I need to do now. If anybody has been through this please I need some guidence on everything from helping them to our financial now that we will not get any child support etc. Thank you for any help.
2006-12-03 13:36:18 · 20 answers · asked by age2purrfection 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you all for your support and unerstanding and for those who have judged me about the finances well all I can say is I have to go throgh a graduation and the birth of a 1st grandchild and I am just worried about taking care of my children as I have always done God Bless you all
2006-12-03 13:55:25 · update #1
Comfort them, worry about financial stuff later. it must be REALLY hard for them. My condolences.
2006-12-03 13:37:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Helping someone deal with suicide is one of the hardest things ever. There have been quite a few people in my family that have done that and it leaves everyone with a whole lot of questions that can never be answered. The only thing I can really tell you is that you have to let them talk to you about anything and everything and if they need it get them to go to counseling (not everyone needs that though) There will be times that they will feel guilty for not picking up on the signs and believe me that feeling does not go away. My cousin killed herself 20 years ago on the 22nd of this month (she was only 24) and every year the grieving process seems to start over for everyone. It's not the same as with someone just passing away or even if they die an untimely death that was out of their control. It's going to be hard on all of you and for a very long time. ( I know that's not what you want to hear but it's the truth)
As far as the financial stuff goes...don't feel bad asking about that. That's a valid question. I guess that would all depend on if he had a will, are they the only survivors, etc. By the way.....life insurance policies do not generally cover suicide so that would probably be out.
Good luck with all of this and your family has my deepest sympathies.
Kazzadann....suicide is not usually the cowards way out as you put it. It's generally because you have someone with a mental disorder and so they can't see that things will get better. They aren't thinking clearly or they would not do that. You need to have compassion for him for being that distraught over something as well as having compassion for his kids.
2006-12-03 22:09:46 · answer #2 · answered by . 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off Dfirefox how dare you !! people like you disgust me, show some compassion !! You poor woman l really feel for you and your daughters and please do not listen to morons like Dfirefox they have no idea what you would be going through right now. As far as your daughters go just be there for them, answer any questions as openly and honestly as you can and let them know how much you love them and that none of this was their fault. Your Ex husband made his own choice and he opted for the cowards way out. Nothing is ever so bad that you can't work it out . He was obviously very weak.Financially l honestly have no idea but l would advise you speak to someone in social services or though l guess it depends on which country you live in. All l can say is l would like to send my love and condolences to you all at this very sad time.You will get through this with lots of love and understanding. Best wishes to you all.
2006-12-03 22:07:29 · answer #3 · answered by kazzadanni 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let them know that you are there for them. Don't keep to yourself. All of you should try to get some counseling, both individually and as a family. There will always be questions that will never be answered. I know, because my mom committed suicide many years ago. For the longest time, I would only refer to it as 'the accident'. I had to face reality, call it what it was...and thankfully, finally made it to counseling. The counselors can also help put you in touch with someone that can help with the financial matters. Many communities have no-cost or low-cost, sliding scale counselors available. There are also many S.O.S.(Surivors of Suicide) groups, all around the country. Try finding a local chapter.
2006-12-03 21:43:07 · answer #4 · answered by angelpoet04 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek professional help. You can't handle this alone and shouldn't try. Although everyone is older, each person will be effected differently and will ned some form of counseling. If it was a violent suicide, it will have more of a detrimental effect. Make sure you explain that nothing they did was their fault. If you know why he did this, be honest with the kids. Now is NOT the time for secrets. Good luck. This is a tough one.
2006-12-03 21:40:11 · answer #5 · answered by spag 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about this tragic death of your ex husband.
Unfortunately, everyone involved is going to at some point feel like there was something they did not do.
There is going to be guilt.
You need to let your girls know that, people who set out to do this, nothing can stop them. And the fact that they don't usually reach out, did not give anyone a chance to help him.
That is the most important thing.
2006-12-03 21:47:23 · answer #6 · answered by sweetcitywoman2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry about the loss. concerning the child support, the two older ones are too old to receive child support. the 17 year old would only receive it til she turns 18. (unless you had other arrangements).
in the emotional side, just talk to them. make them aware that you are ALWAYS there for them if they ever need anything. allow them to talk and more importantly, cry. ball if you will. my mom tried to kill herself once. it wasnt an easy thing. keep tabs on your girls. make sure they arent at risk for suicide either. no saying you should know what they are doing ever second of every hour. just pay attention...
2006-12-03 21:58:50 · answer #7 · answered by hello_kitty_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I mean this sincerely from the bottom of my heart. I offer you my warmest condolences. What he did was not a selfish act. In order for him commit suicide he must have been extremely miserable. It would have been a selfish act on your part if you would have tried to stop him from freeing himself.you must try to understand from his world why he needed to leave. be happy for him that he is no longer suffering. People that would never consider committing suicide cannot possibly understand the pain and suffering he was enduring.Life is for the living. you need to accept this tragic event as it happened and continue on your own journey of life. .
I say this from personal experience.
2006-12-03 22:14:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for them! This happened to me years ago when his two children were 18 & 17. We didn't receive any support from him & he was remarried twice over so I didn't have to be involved in his funeral or any insurance plans.
However, it was a big deal to my children & hard for them to understand. I tried to help them understand that he must have had problems he could see no way to solve but what he did. Also to reassure them that nothing they did or didn't do would have caused him to do it, nor could they have prevented it from happening.
I hope you can get your children some counseling & also for yourself if you feel the need.
2006-12-03 21:52:19 · answer #9 · answered by momv 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your 17 year old will qualify for social security benefits, as may your 19 yr old. the only thing you can do is listen, if they want to talk. if you force the issue, they will prob. clam up on you. they have lost a feeling of security, and immortality. they prob. wonder what they would do if anything should happen to you. loose a parent, and you feel like an orphan. my brother commited suicide on the 28th. my heart goes out to you, and your daughters.
2006-12-03 21:44:06 · answer #10 · answered by chris r 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there stranger. There are no words just time....
Many ask what could I have done, or go on guilt trips thinking they are to blame.
There were signs but there was no precedent to know what they meant.
Now you know and are qualified to deal with it if it ever rises again in the life of your children.
Everything that is now will change
2006-12-04 04:30:26 · answer #11 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋