I wrote this about being married to a woman from India, wait for the rest, what do you think?

Question

"Into the room she enters and fills the room with her fragrance and beauty. My heart stops and I pretend with might to not notice her as much as I do. A calmness washes over me and within me as she is so real and I gain now the strength to look into her eyes and realize the luck and grace of God that is with me. She stands at the end of the bed as I give this notice to her vibrance that fills the room, in its white-cottoned aura, with huge gaping eyes that haunt me with the awareness of everything that I am inside, and she smiles in this thought I have as she knows this too. I don't know what to say, so I do not speak, as she begins to talk to me, as the words only move like a lovely fluid of soft passioned voice from her mouth, I now sit up, mesmerized by her lips that only seem to sing now a jumbled far-away song in my head, as I am distracted by the motion of her soft lips now, and want only to kiss them softly and hold her closely, in a union of eyes, up close. ()

() Intoxicated.

sorry to keep you hangin' there was only one last word > Intoxicated by her, of course. Not married yet though.

Intoxicated, at peace, in awe of the feeling of the most real love there is, it is genuine. She kisses me back as softly and tenderly, and I grip her slowly and strongly towards me as we move together, with the same grace she looks at me with, and I at her. So tightly bound together, so much pressure, love and feeling of ecstacy as I become overwhelmed, as it reaches a height of indescribale proportions that I beg God not to let stop, I cannot stop myself and heave and pull her so tightly towards me that she loses air and gasps, as my body tenses, my mind is lost in the sound and feelings that I feel coming from my entire being. I shake, I feel the tension loosen in spasms in my legs that are pressed tightly against the heat of hers, I shake, I love her so deeply that I only have now the energy to kiss her once more, and fall asleep so quickly in its magic, and dream about the time I can hear her voice echo to me this trance of beauty, so deeply within my soul, once more. I Adore her,

I Adore her, as she speaks so softly in my ear, as my arm drapes over her while I smell her, so beautiful next to me, as I collapse into nothingness. There is nothing better than this. I love her and will never let go unless she tells me to."

"

********It was difficult to get it all on one space. NANASHI?

You did a very good job with descriptions. However, the grammar is lacking, especially involving run-on sentences. I'd suggest you break up those huge sentences with a few periods, otherwise the flow will be destroyed. (If you really read this-the whole thing was written in this manner TO flow, in EVERY aspect of it...lol)

As for dialogue, I can't say much for this, since it doesn't have any...(It's not a book, yet a FLOWING experience of feelings) But, I guess that is to be expected when the main character can't speak Indian (There is no main character, the flow

Also, you might want to make it a bit more obvious that she's Indian- most of this only alludes to her being foreign. I'd suggest adding a few more physical traits that would be relating to Indian descent, along with garb.

I am curious as to the rest, though, since this seems very intriguing, and it does flow nicely even with grammatical issues.

*******There IS no main character, the flow is an experience of union, and if you will read where this union is, GARB?

Answer 1

if you are serious ,write my sis on [e-mail]

Answer 2

You did a very good job with descriptions. However, the grammar is lacking, especially involving run-on sentences. I'd suggest you break up those huge sentences with a few periods, otherwise the flow will be destroyed.

As for dialogue, I can't say much for this, since it doesn't have any... But, I guess that is to be expected when the main character can't speak Indian (I'm assuming).

Also, you might want to make it a bit more obvious that she's Indian- most of this only alludes to her being foreign. I'd suggest adding a few more physical traits that would be relating to Indian descent, along with garb.

I am curious as to the rest, though, since this seems very intriguing, and it does flow nicely even with grammatical issues.

Answer 3

I'll wait until you come to the end of your (novel?)