anyone have this or do this?

Question

Im in my mid 20's still living at home with my parents due to financial situation until i can save up and move my butt out.
Anyway, my parents simply do not like my boyfriend-24. I don't have enough space on here to type details, but in my eyes i love him and there is nothing wrong with him. Keep in mind my parents have had a problem with any guy i brought home, my last relationship of 3 years was ruined because of my parents. My Parents are too strict and very old fashioned italians.
anyway, the current guy im dating for about 1 year. In order to do things i want with him, I told my parents yesterday that we are no longer dating, but are going to remain friends. Well its not true-its just a cover up.Of course my parents jumped for joy , but were also pissed that im still gonna hang out to be friends. Meanwhile, i hate to to lie about this but its the only way i can have less stress and have normal relationship with my parents. Im waiting to move out to tell them that im with him

My mom for example , would not go out to eat or shop with me, even refused to watch tv with my since i have been dating him, that is just a minor example-all because she just dont like him. Same thing with my dad, has been totally mean to me. Its almost like they have been acting like kids themselves over this

Answer 1

Tell your bf to stop wearing his, "ITALIANS S**K" shirt. That's a start.

haha

Sorry... but really... If they hate him that much, you need to decide if it's better to leave him or leave them. Lying to them will bite you in the butt.

I feel bad for you, really. Parents can be mean sometimes -- and they are at their meanest when they feel that they are doing their best for you .

Answer 2

Sigh, I think you are just going to have to find a way to move out. Your parents have kind of got you between a rock and a hard place. Just exactly at the time when you most need to be asserting your independent adult status, you've got yourself in a situation where you are forced to accept your parents' hospitality under their roof. Their dislike of your boyfriend should be a totally different issue, but this "ethnic behaviour" on their part is rearing its head, and I am afraid as long as you are under their roof, you're going to have to simply keep them in the dark about your continued relationship with him, or life isn't going to be very pleasant.. Personally, I have a gut feeling this relationship isn't going to go anywhere. But you are old enough now that you have the right to make your own mistakes.
The one thing that caught my attention is that where you gave your boyfriend's exact age - 24, you referred to yourself as "mid-twenties". That could mean anything between 25 and 27, so I'm wondering if he isn't a year or two younger than you are, which makes me wonder if he's attaching himself to more of a "mommy figure with extra privileges" if you know what I mean. When both parties are over into the thirties and beyond, two or three years younger for the man is no big thing. But 24 year old guys just are not as mature as women the same age tend to be - they're still pretty dedicated to having someone around to launder their socks and put a meal on the table, and generally - I wouldn't exactly say "baby" them, but definitely "boy" them lol.
Unfortunate, nonetheless, that you are in this dilemma, but it seems to boil down to you having to play the hand of cards you've dealt yourself. Always remember though, that if I am right, and this relationship does go south. sooner, or later, your parents are not likely to let the opportunity slide by to say "There, what did we try to tell you".

Answer 3

Isn't that a bit malicious? To have them think it's over and then tell them that you are with him?
And, to ask you: what is your guy doing to make things happen? I read all about your parents, but what is he doing to get you out of your parents' home? Furthermore, my son is 23 and he has married the girl without asking me if I approve of her---so what do you need your parents' approval for?

It seems to me that the problem is not your b/f and also not your parents. You are 24 and live there because of financial reasons---meaning you do not have enough money to stand on your own, right? So why don't you go to college or, if you finished that already, get you a second job so that you can move out faster and stand on your own, since you seem to hate your parents that much...

Answer 4

I totally freakin know what you are going through. My Mother has been bitter for 2 years since my Dad died. It's almost as if she gets pleasure out of putting people through pain. I had to physically check myself into the hospital because of anxiety, I literally made myself sick because of how she treated me and acted towards me. I take several medications a day and have to see a counsler and a pyschiatrist.
I would suggest telling your parents the truth. If they can't see that your happy and let you live your own life, then maybe you should think about spending some time apart from them. I myself feel that I'm about to do the same. My boyfriend and I are engaged, so we're getting married and she just has to deal with it.

Answer 5

Wow I understand that it must suck having your parents diss your boyfriend but you cannot lie to them. If you lie to them it will show to them that they can't trust you.. and further more if they find out you won't be trusted here on out.. with boyfriends. It may also cause problems with this relationship.. plus the guilt of this lie will burn you up inside. If you want to be treated like an adult you need to act like one and lies are not the answer. Plus you are living under their house you have to abide by their rules and respect them.. I know before I was married my parents were very traditional, about what me and my boyfriend could do.. I wasn't supposed to have sex before marriage. Looking back now I'm glad I didn't go that far with a lot of the idiots I went out with..Parents have been there.. they have dated they are wise to things we may not understand. I have always tried to respect the suggestions from my parents in the end I see they were right.

Answer 6

Get out on your own as soon as possible...they are control freaks. You're an adult...and they are acting childish. If they raised you well, then you are an intelligent young woman with good values and they should trust your judgement. Pretending to not be seeing this guy may make your life a little easier...but they think they are still in control, so actually you are empowering them to control your life. Do you have an aunt or grandmother you could live with until you're able to be on your own? Or a reliable friend who could share expenses of an apartment with you? I wish you the best...but you need to get a grip on this controll issue or they will rule your life even after you marry and have kids

Answer 7

Unfortunetly I had the same problem years ago,I was married and my family always put there two cents in, as a result, it weighed on the marrage (she was a good person and still is,my exwife) althou it wasn't all my familys fault that we are divoced it did play a big part in it, BELIVE ME if I could do it all over again I would have put my foot down harder and would have not cared what my family thought,because today i'm without a wife and as for my family they still complian anyway

Answer 8

Well, first of all, hi, Hershey Bar. Could I nibble on you? Your user i.d. is making me hungry.

But seriously, no, I never did that. But I can tell you, your parents are being immoral and are treating you, like you were still 15.
All family homes have rules, but rules have to make sense and be moral. That treatment and their behaviour are neither moral, nor sensible. If you have a job, and increase how much you save in your saving account, every month, the sooner you can move out of that atmosphere. My parents always wanted me to get out of the house, more. Outside, too.

Answer 9

wow... I feel for you. But it's hard when you live at home with your parents. They shouldnt treat u like that, but how do you they will act once they find u actually never even stopped seeing this guy. I think your just digging a bigger hole for yourself in the future with your parents.

Answer 10

my mom doesnt like my boyfriend.. you know what? sounds like you have to make some serious descions....first off, your parents not supporting you is horrible.. i have the same problem and the truth is you can't chose who your family is but you sure can cut them off. ignore them... they arent going to change. unless you kiss their asses... but thats just another cover up, they obvioulsy dont care if youre happy or not.. its hard i know. good luck