i have a friend who i am more than fond of, i could be totally in love with him... but...
he is nursing his sick mother, who could die next month or live for 15yrs! of course he wants to be there for her!
i have 3 children one already grown and moved out one pre-teen and one a toddler.
recently as things progressed a little he admitted to me he cant stand kids and would always be there for me but not the kids!
so his solution was for me to go off travel have a life bring up my kids and then come back!???
am i missing something here?
i would have quite happily have helped him with his mum, shes lovely! but no, he couldnt share me and the kids in that way!
so after this relevation he still phones me almost every day, and is adament he can wait for me to be clear of the kids! and his mum to have our relationship!
he says hes been alone for years and can continue!
eh? adivice???
2006-12-03 11:05:10 · 12 answers · asked by desprate mum 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
we are not together but had become very cose friends and realised well i did that i had much deeper fealing for him...
so i new what the answer was when he threw it in out of the blue... about the boys... weird as they actually really like him! no one would ver come before my sons.
maybe it was so odd what he was saying i needed to tell someone! to actually make it clear in my mind... it is only ever going to be friendship... keep telling me i need this one to sink in!!!! thanks everyone!
2006-12-03 11:46:18 · update #1
I truly and honestly belive you should leave him.
First off he wants you to wait five years. That right there is crazy.
Next, he won't be with you because of your kids. That is crazy. That is one of the most selfish things I have ever heard. They should come first in your life. If he can't accept them then you should leave him. Did he even give them a chance? That is terrible and you shouldn't stand for that. That is horrible.
I don't know how long you have been dating but I do know that it will still be hard to let him go; but I know that you know in your mind it is the right decision.
Do what you feel is best! Know that we are all here for you!
2006-12-03 11:22:21 · answer #1 · answered by Jason J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a crazy, selfish prick, and you should know that. Wait for five years? That is pretty nuts to begin with - but because of your kids, your closest family, when you were willing to deal with a sick and ailing mother? I would have been insulted at his suggestion if I were you, and told him to take a hike right then and there. These are your KIDS, the most important people in your life, PERIOD... for me, if some guy had a problem with my kids, he'd have a bigger problem with me. Don't answer his calls. I personally would also give him a piece of my mind before I hung up on him for the last time.
2006-12-03 11:12:13 · answer #2 · answered by starlet_8 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well if you're looking for a life partner you surely have not found him here. a life partner is someone who accepts the whole package which includes your kids. waiting years for him is not the answer as this will not allow you to move on with your life and perhaps find someone who will love you and the little people that you brought into the world. his not wanting to be with you now because of the kids tell alot about him... for example, he may actually quite self centered, selfish and jealous. these are not in general characteristics that are good in a mate. i know its hard when you finally find someone that you love and then you get a hint of reciprocation, but it is most likely in your best interest to move on. if you really enjoy his company you may be able to remain friends but keep looking for the ONE.
Good luck :)
2006-12-03 11:12:46 · answer #3 · answered by pharmer996 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself a favor, kick him to the curb. While it's admirable that he's watching out for his Mother (I have admit that I do question his motives though.) that's not an excuse to "hold off" on having a relationship with you.
A man who would cite your having children as a reason not to be with you is NOT someone that you want to be with. That he wants to wait until your lives are free of obsticles doesn't sound like such a good thing. He sounds rather selfish to me.
Sorry, but you can do much better.
2006-12-03 11:12:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like hes bumped his head... you and your kids are a package deal... I was single with children and if someone told me that... to the curb they would go... I get a strange feeling about him why not have a life now and share caring for each others family member... your kids... his mom... he just doesn't feel for you the way a man should feel about a woman... and for him to ask you to go on and live your life... and see ya later... I don't think so... move on... hes sounds weird or hiding something... hope this helped!!
2006-12-03 11:17:34 · answer #5 · answered by Sandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
RUN, he can take care of his mother but he doesn't like children. What if she lives until 100 are you willing to wait. Or if she dies tomorrow he has to wait for your youngest a toddler to grow up , that's a long time for him to change his mind. Then what about if you have grandchildren will he want them out of the picture. Go find someone who accepts you and your children, you deserve better than him! Once a mama' boy always a mama's boy!
2006-12-03 11:12:25 · answer #6 · answered by joan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is a jerk! Leave him while you can. Do you really want a guy who wants you but doesn't care about your kids??? My mothers husband wanted her but not me and I have suffered years and years of abuse! Your kids are the most important people in your life. He wants you to wait for him??? That is pretty selfish. Tell him where to go and find a good man.
2006-12-03 11:11:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Uh, your kids are going to outlive you most likely, so I'd say this relationship is a no go.
He sounds selfish, he doesn't seem to have any concept of anyone's needs except his own.
2006-12-03 13:21:45 · answer #8 · answered by Rubythorne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids are they most important people in your life and if he can't accept them then he can't have you!
2006-12-03 11:19:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldnt wait five years i would move on and find somebody that likes my kids
2006-12-03 12:03:02 · answer #10 · answered by bobbys_baby_88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋