I asked if anyone ever survived a Chuck Norris roundhouse, and then BAM!, I woke up in the hospital covered in contusions. The staff there said they had never actually found a person with that much bruising, and had actually just thought I was mass of damaged tissue left on the street. Any idea what happened to me? Plus, its a little fuzzy, but I think this all happened next week, and I went back in time. And whenever the "Total Body" infomercial comes on, I start to convulse. Any clue at all?
2006-12-03 10:33:51 · 12 answers · asked by But why is the rum always gone? 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
here's some shiznit you need to know :
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
2) Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
3) A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't
you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured
this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever
saw, was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.
4) Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
5) When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck
Norris has not had To pay taxes ever.
6) Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris.
7) Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is
afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
8) As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away
in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to
the1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in
professional football history.
9) A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.
10) Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't
the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as
the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
11) If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.
12) At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse
kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with
cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it.
2006-12-03 10:46:18 · answer #1 · answered by Nietsnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow your a real survivor!!! I think everything happened so fast no one really knows what happened. Consider yourself one of the Lucky ones!!!! Just try and keep your distance away from anything that has to do with him. Good Luck and I hope you feel better!!
2006-12-03 18:46:51 · answer #2 · answered by susie w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn it Chuck Norris!
Have you ever been karate chopped by RAMBO? it sucks....
2006-12-03 18:36:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Steven Segal actually did it and you were left for dead.
2006-12-03 18:37:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sue them.
2006-12-03 18:36:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He suckered punched you.
2006-12-03 19:25:08 · answer #6 · answered by Judas Rabbi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
consider yourself lucky
2006-12-03 18:37:21 · answer #7 · answered by been there, done that 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you currently on drugs?
2006-12-03 18:36:33 · answer #8 · answered by threetenor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no clue here too
2006-12-03 18:35:29 · answer #9 · answered by CLARABELLE 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well now you can say you survived!!
2006-12-03 18:35:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋