my partner an i have been disscusing our birth plan.( this is my first baby) i want to give a water birth ago in my local hospital so if i have a problem i can be helped quickly. he is being increadably controlling and states ' i have to give birth in bed with a doctor present or he wont be there.
i am consider a slightly high risk because i have had several miscariages but as this will be in a hospital my midwife has asured me it is safe and can result in an easier delivery.
i want as little pain relief as possable. how do i explain this to my partner.
i am the one going through the pain of childbirth i need to be comfortabl right.
any advice will be much appreciated.
2006-12-03 10:28:10 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
have given my self a back up plan my aunt has agreed to be there as birth partner if he is still so demanding. shes a mother of 4 so i reckon it will probably be better if shes there
2006-12-03 10:35:40 · update #1
i dont live with him and i am unsure if this relationship will last past the birth.
2006-12-03 10:37:12 · update #2
thanks has been really usefull. i guess ill do it without him
2006-12-03 11:01:02 · update #3
he never turned up for the appointment with the midwife so he missed out on all this and i made the decision with out him.
2006-12-03 11:11:42 · update #4
Congratulations on your pregnancy, I agree with you, you are the one who needs to be as comfortable as possible to decrease the chances of putting the baby in destress. A water birth is wonderful as I had one with my first born and it was a godsent. You do have the option to have a water labour but when your about to deliver you can move to the bed.
I had my son in the bath and it was amazing, it makes it easier on the baby because its going from a watery surrounding to a watery surrounding. Not from a nice watery to open air. your baby is underwater for a few seconds and you will only be alloud to continue delivery in the bath if its a short delivery, When using the water birth your not allowed any drugs, but the water is enough, you are also not in the bath from the start of labour till birth, the water needs to be 37 degrees so every 20 mins you are told to walk around.
This is your body and some things will work for you and some won't you will not know until labour what works and what doesn't so your husband needs to get a grip and remember that you need to listen to your body as it knows whats best for you and your baby. Most times you have a plan but it doesn't go the way you planned because it just didn't work for you so you had to try something else. You partner can not control how you give birth, you can't control how you give birth it will all happen naturally if he is going to be selfish and controling then tell him not to worry about it, if he wants to be there to see the birth of his child he needs to support you 100% otherwise get someone who will or you will have a lot of trouble getting trough it.
When in labour you need someone to sper you on saying how well your doing and reminding you why your doing it because its hard work, very exusting, and you may want to give up but your support person helps you get the energy to keep going.
I had short labours but I still wanted to give up, my first was only 9 hours and my second was 55 minutes. Very short but very tireing. Both I had no painkillers, the first I was determined to have a waterbirth and the wouldn't let me have drugs and a waterbirth and the second was to quick for drugs, by the time I asked I was ready to push.
Have a few plans but make sure you supported 100%, you need that support try a few different things keep an open mind as one thing may not work. You will have the final say so enjoy it, its your body and it will need something different then your sister or what your mother had. Everybody is different and so you can't know whats going to work until your in labour and going through it. Good luck and best wishes.
2006-12-03 11:05:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you take a good long look at this situation. He is being very unreasonable at a time when you really should be making the decisions. This is your body afterall.
You need to do what is right for you, regardless if he shows up or not. It is important that you establish with him that he it isn't 'my way or the highway', but rather what is best for you and the baby. I would make it clear that if he truly cared about you and the new little one, he'd do what is best for both without any arguments.
Be smart honey, this is a wake up call for you two to get some counseling. Men like this are real problems.
2006-12-03 10:38:58 · answer #2 · answered by MadforMAC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, get it right, its not you and your partners birth plan. Its YOUR birth plan. You're the one giving birth, and you decide who's there, INCLUDING your partner.
Water birth is actually safer for you and your baby, and if something goes wrong they just trasnfer you to a bed.
Laying on your back and heaving a living person from your body is not only unnatural, but it leads to unneeded stress on your body and the baby, and complications that can easily be avoided by allowed your body to do what it does naturally.
Tell him to pull his head out of his pompous ASSS, and be glad you even want him there in the first place.
Ive never heard of anything so foolish in all my life. Why on earth are you making babies with somenoe who's such a know-it-all jerk. Have fun trying to raise that kid with him, he'll want to control all of that too.
2006-12-03 10:33:14 · answer #3 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a pretty ridiculous demand on his part. He is not the one squeezing the baby out. I think you are right to have your aunt as a back up plan. In fact, I would probably go with her anyway. He sounds mean and controlling. You are the one in pain... you should call the shots, not showing up to the appointments makes me think he is pretty irresponsible anyway. I am so sorry that is happening to you, I wish you the best.
2006-12-03 11:19:33 · answer #4 · answered by emmadropit 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is absolutely ridiculous. you are the one giving birth and having this baby. this should completely be your decision. it sounds as if he thinks that you are some sort of bru sow and should be able to just (excuse me for lack of better terms) "squirt" them out. i have 3 kids and let me tell ya, it doesn't work like that. i did have my children on a table with doctor, but i would have absolutely loved to have a water birth, it just wasn't available in my area. tell your partner that a water birth puts much less pressure on you and your baby because of the gravitational force being somewhat lifted and it will definitely help your back in teh long run. your baby will not drown as it does not take it's first breath until she/he hits the air. good luck darlin and i wish the best for you and your baby.
2006-12-03 10:40:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he has no say in the matter. It is your body and your baby. You can do what you want. How is he going to prevent you from doing what you want to do? You're the one giving birth here. He is not going to miss the baby being born, no matter what he says now. And if he does I'm sure you have other support, mother, sister, or aunt. Just tell him what you want. If he doesn't like it, he can hit the road!
2006-12-03 10:33:21 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you dont hav eto explain ne thing to him he isnt the one pushing the baby out u r if he doesnt understand what kind of birth u want then tough luck for him honestly you really dont need a man like that in your life well thats just my opinion but ne ways seriously just go with ur aunt being inthe delevery room and the water birth itll be much better for u
2006-12-03 10:52:54 · answer #7 · answered by la colombiana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your body, it's your say how you want to experience this. I can understand if you want his imput, but ultimately you should be the one to decide. It's not like your decision endangers you or the baby. You probably need to decide what is more importnant, his presence at the birth, or your experience with it. (If he's being heavy handed about this...I would see that as a HUGE red flag. Please be careful.) Good Luck!
2006-12-03 10:59:44 · answer #8 · answered by Steph 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My God... control control control... that's all he wants. Since he can't have any control in the pregnancy he THINKS he can have it during birthing??? Its YOU that goes through this, not him... YOU do what YOU want to do, it's your body. If he doesn't want to be there unless it's his way or NO WAY, so be it. Tell the man to grow up!!! It's you that needs to stand up to him and tell him it's his child but it's YOUR body and you'll do what's best for you. Good Luck....
2006-12-03 10:32:59 · answer #9 · answered by darlene_tassone1971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read a parenting book for guys (my friend bought it for her husband) and it says that the guy pretty much has no say in the type of delivery or if the mother is going to bottle feed or not..I would tell him that you chose and if he doesn't like it, you'll look forward to his child support payments in the future
2006-12-03 10:44:56 · answer #10 · answered by DrPepper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋