How do you combat loneliness when you're all alone 'in a marriage?"?

Question

In my 50's and I feel alone....two kids grown and married and one still in school. There is no communication between my wife and me. It seems that we're waiting for the youngest to go off to school, before making a decision which will ultimately affect the rest of our lives as 'husband and wife.' Living together has become a source of stress, unhappiness, and (as mentioned above) extreme loneliness.

Answer 1

If you guys have gone through counseling, I'd say stop prolonging the inevitable. Your child can sense the tension in the household, and maybe divorce is better than a hostile home.

Answer 2

Let me start out by say'ing that the thing that is missing here is the reason that you both are lonley. Something is missing.. I will tell you this, my wife had a stroke in 1988, I did not run off to something or someone else. I have been alone ever since, my wife can not talk, give me answers or solve a problem with me as we had always talked about what we could do. Now I must do all this on my own, it is very hard at times, the only answer that I can give you is that you must have love and faith in each other and play it to the hilt if for no other reason than to preserve your marriage for the same reson that made you get married in the first place. I am now 75 years old and still working at this thing called love.

Answer 3

First of all im so sorry to read about your situation. I read between the lines and it seems that you both need a go between before making any drastic decisions. You have stayed together for two kids grown and married. That is an indication that you both care about your family and yourselves. I get the feeling that you both need some time alone, far away abroad away from the usual faces/places/family/friends. Come over to UK and walk down memory lane and visit historic placeas. You will have a lot to discuss during the day and im sure nights will no longer be lonely. Perhaps the married kids can contribute to your vacation because im sure they are aware of the situation between mum and dad. lol. I hope you will try and God Bless you both

Answer 4

If both of you feel the same way, consider separating for a while and see how single life feels like. Sometimes you feel although the current marriage is not perfect, it's still better than being alone and lonely.

If she doesn't feel that way but you do, you guys need to talk. Let it out and let the other person understand what's going on. That doesn't help resolve the problem but at least it can offload you a little bit.

Rule of thumb, spiritual and physical love are both essential to a marriage. If you have both, you are blessed but still need to work hard to sustain it; if you have one, you can try to work out the other one; if you don't have either, try separation first before the divorce.

Answer 5

If you and your wife are thinking about divorce then you will probably go through it... but you may later realize, that it is a lonely world out there as well while single! And maybe your wife will find the same. You could both try to live for 6 months separately, to find out what you want to do after that... If you will decide to stay married together, then find hobbies that will bring you back together... You really need to be interested in same thing (s) that are fun, to start appreciate each other again... Do not throw those years completely out and try to talk about it.

Answer 6

Other than suggesting marriage counselling, you really need to put the effort in mate. Don't be a lazy sack, If your wife see's that you have become interested and attracted to her again, maybe your marriage is worth saving. it's not an easy task. Buy her flowers at least once a week, take her our to dinner, or cook up her favourite dinner (or have it delivered) You have to find that spark which brought you together in the first place.

Sit down and talk to your wife. Tell her how you feel, and that you really want to work on getting the relationship back on track.

If you can afford to, take a cruise or fly to Fiji. You.... her.... tropical island....... think about it.

I wish you all the best of luck

Answer 7

Rekindle your relationship with your wife. Let her know from the first day till now, how much you love her and in love with her.
Date with her, have dates to go do things together and make sexual dates as well, so that both are you aware of the expectation. Talk for 20 min a day, hold her hand, while walking, at the mall, store, church, even out to eat. Gaze into her eyes and hers into yours, and let your love to rekindle and burn for each other.
You have made living together as an chore, instead of keeping the honeymoon alive!
Both of you volunteer in the community for a day serving for a family or something.
The child still in school will too soon, leave the nest.
You guys need to catch up on each other on your emotional, happy memories and make new memories with each other!
This is the time that you definetly can be romantic with your wife!
Remember the old school of dating? Bring that back, sure everyone has stresss in their lives, more so on couples who has forgotton all about their spouse when raising children, then the baby years, toddler's years, then those rebellion teenage years, then they are ready to leave, you did your part for the kids, but you forgot to romance your spouse during the marriage.
It is your and your wife choice to be lonely! It is also your choice to choose, how to serve each other better, and bring back the romance first love that put you two together the first place!
I am married, and my husband is in your age group, and we almost lost each other because I could not see the whole picture, and he was a workaholic.
The proper care and feeding of a husband helped me to understand where I was at fault in my marriage, and to see his too. But it was My choice to make a change in me, to choose to be happy and make my marriage worth working and sacrifice for.
I hope that this might be the light of answers you are looing for, but there is one thing is the most important that I have not mentioned, Is to trust God, pray to God, and believe in God and have a personnel relationship with Jesus Christ. God is Awesome, and work miracles and can mend marriages, even the deadest marriage back to restoration!
God blesss you and your marriage.

Answer 8

Get active. Volunteer your time and talent at your church, your local schools, the boy or girls scouts, the library, homeless shelter....Go back to school, learn how to play and instrument, learn how to paint.... DO SOMETHING! Quit sitting at home waiting for the hammer to fall and take some control over your life. Make a list of dreams and start working for them! Get some counseling either alone or with your wife. Don't expect it to be easy or change things in a week or two. Ya gotta walk before you can run. Start today. Be strong...and learn how to be happy. Best wishes.

Answer 9

well unfortunately she will not change even if u try. she is a woman locked in her ways and in her mind u r her husband and because of that u must take what she gives. that is such a line of b/s that women do. they think cuz thier physical needs go away ours should too. but if the situation is reversed we must adjust to meet thier needs. i know cuz im 46 with a 52 yr old woman who used alcohol in the beginning to give me great sex and after i said i loved u the alcohol stopped and so did the great sex, long soft kisses, her touching me, etc....so i moved out and still date her, talk to her daily but after the holidays im gone and if u want more loving and caring u must leave to or else it will not be long before u have an affair and then the burden of this relationship ending will be on u even though it is not ur fault

Answer 10

Start doing things that make YOU happy and make some new friends to do things with. If you don't work out, join a gym or start walking/running. Exercise makes you feel better. Join a group that interests you. Sounds like you two are just "stuck" and need a divorce or counseling.

Answer 11

I really feel for you I know how it feels to be married and totally alonein the relationship.Have you talked with you spouse about this or gone to cousiling. What else is going on that makes you unhappy and stressed? Try to find a friend to talk with or go to cousiling your self and you could talk with family. I am glad now that I divorced even though at the time it was very painful. I feel alot better about myself now