No children: what am I "in for"?

Question

Does having children change the character of a person? Or do certain people of a certain character decide not to have children. I am contemplating on whether having children is a good choice. I believe it it not mandatory to have children and also that it doesn't fulfill any ideal to have children. Considering the state of society now, I can not imagine rearing up children in this society that seems to progressively become laxer in values. I also think bringing up children is not so easy any more. I do not think it selfish not to have children. And the religious ideas of a "good woman" becomes a mother is not for everyone. Hedonism is thoughtless way to squander time and that isn't a reason to not have children.

Ultimately I fear that I may miss out on great blessings, and other such invaluable sharing of one's life..Any thoughts/opinions?

Answer 1

Nice question, which I feel supremely qualified to answer.

We decided a long time ago that we did not want to have children. This was a conscious decision made on the basis that neither of us were particularly broody and that we figured better not to have them than to bring yet another unwanted child into the world.

Now don't get me wrong. If we had had a child, then it would have been loved, cared for and have lacked nothing. It would, nevertheless, have been unwanted.

Our decision was not made because we are selfish - it was made because we could not bring ourselves to bring a child into a world that is in moral and social decline, where my mother is frightened to open the door after dark, where it is easier to sponge off the state rather than work hard, where the country I live in is being overrun by immigrants who contribute little and take a lot from the economy, where we pay people thousands a week to play football but can't afford to pay our nurses a decent wage........................

Your decision may be made for some of the above, or none of the above. The fact remains that it is your decision, not society's or anyone else's.

You will, of course, miss out on other "blessings" as you call them, but this is a conscious decision for you. Do these "blessings" outweigh your decision ?

Answer 2

I don't have kids, I might one day. It hasn't come up, yet.

One might argue that if you're not sure, it's probably not a good idea. But I'm under the impression that any intelligent person would be hesitant. Any parent will tell you, yes, it changes everything. That doesn't mean you'll be a totally different person, but all of our experinces change us little by little, and kids are a hell of an experince.

On a global level, it may be better not to. There are already so many people and the comming years are sure to have challenges for humanity that intergal to our survival and perhaps, by extention, our evolution.

Bringing up children was never easy, don't kid yourself. And in a society with such 'lax values' (I totally disagree, in just the past hundred and fifty years there has been a high value placed globaly on every human life, which has *never* been the case before. How you can concider this moral failure is beyond my comprehension. Maybe your just confusing the past with 'Father Knows Best' reruns.) perhaps it would be more morally correct to have children to instill whatever your idea of proper values in, so that they may serve the greater good.

You'll miss out on a lot of things either way, and you'll yern for those things either way.

*edit* Some of you people really need to check your concept of 'moral progress' against history.

Answer 3

i've had similar thoughts to yours..i too do not have children, but have this crazy idea that i need some so that they'll take care of me in my old age, but i think this reasoning is not quite right. I think rearing children with the right person would be the ideal plan. I do think it is difficult to rear children in any situation, but might be more challenging in the future. Of course, maybe it won't be as difficult for some reason, which I don't know....good luck and good question.

i still want children some day though lol

Answer 4

I do not think that it is selfish to decide not to have children. I find it selfish to have a child and decide later not to take care of him/her. If you do not want to bring another child into this world, that is your choice and the choice of no one else. But choosing not to "bring" a child into the world, does not mean the same as not raising a child. You could adopt, there are plenty of children out in the world that NEED a home. It may not be easy to raise a child, but still, children do need someone to instill good morals and good values.

Answer 5

You WILL be missing out on great blessings. And it is hard raising children no matter what century you pick. None of my children were "planned" but I'm so glad that I had them. Yes I do think it changes a persons character, It makes you have one!!
I certainly would have been a stuck up snob, I may have gotten further on economical ladder, but I wouldn't have learned a lot of valuable lessons in life. Like patience, being really important, being needed, and to need, to give and receive lots of love.
Being a parent is not for everyone though. You have to be willing to commit to the REST OF YOUR LIFE, even after they're grown and out on their own, they still need you. It would be better for those that don't think they want to raise kids to not do it, than to do it for the wrong reasons and resent their children.

Answer 6

having the wisdom to realize that "children are not for you" is commendable. numerous people have them, i have experienced, only because of intra-family and/or "peer pressure" a sure guarantee of "severe aggravation". i remember my mother fairly often saying to me and my sister, in a rather pained tone,: "all i wish you are kids like you", and we were hardly troglodyte types. that certainly helped me to consider the matter carefully. i never did have any, and my two wives were definitely in accord with that decision. such a decision is hardly selfish, but rather, wise and insightful when you are not the parenting type. while it's all a subjective, personal decision, i, for one, am very happy i was childless. perhaps you will be, as well.

Answer 7

There are more than enough people in the world that are having children, so it is not necessary for every adult to procreate. The world is overpopulated as it is. I can see where you could be just as fulfilled in your life, and sometimes even more so, if you choose not to have children. It is not selfish at all.

Answer 8

The fact that there are so many being raised without any values or morals is all the more reason we need some who are raised with them. But that's not enough reason for you to have them. You have to really want to have one and be willing to make a commitment to at least 18 years (usually more.) You have to be willing to put them first.

Answer 9

I think if you have to ask, you have already answered your own question. If you don't already feel a keen desire to have a child or children of your own, chances are your decision has been made.

I have four children who have enriched my life immensely. But if you asked a thousand people why they chose to have a child, you would probably get a thousand reasons. Each of us has our own. Only you can make that decision...but I think you are wise to give it such careful thought!

Answer 10

I'S SO GOOD THAT YOU'RE THINKING BEFORE ACTING. SO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD GO OUT AND HAVE CHILDREN (MEANING TO AND NOT MEANING TO) WITHOUT CONSIDERING THE CONSEQUENCES FIRST. PROPS TO YOU FOR THAT. EVERYONE'S NOT MADE TO BE A PARENT. IN FACE, A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE PARENTS, DON'T DESERVE TO BE. I WOULD SAY CHILDREN CHANGE PEOPLE. IS ALL IN HOW YOU HANDLE. SOME PEOPLE ARE ABUSIVE TO CHILDREN, MEAN AND HATEFUL, NON SUPPORTIVE, UNFIT, THERE ARE SO MANY I COULD LIST. BUT JUST THINK LONG AND HARD ABOUT HAVING CHILDREN BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO. THEY CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND WORLD...FOREVER. GOOD LUCK TO WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO DO. YOU'LL DO THE RIGHT THING. JUST SAY A PRAYER.