What to do if you think your friend might be racist?

Question

I have a male friend who is white and we have been friends for 5 years now and have always been cool with each other. (I won't use his real name on here, so i'll call him "Jeff"). We met at work and just hit it off and became friends (nothing more) and have always looked out for each other. I got a call from another co-worker friend this morning and he told me that he saw Jeff in a bar last night with some more guys and that they were making racial remarks about this interracial couple that was there. I asked him was he sure because that does not sound like the Jeff i know, and he said he was sitting only a few feet away from them and he heard and saw the whole thing. He said Jeff and his friends used the N-word on more than one occasion. I called Jeff a little while ago to ask him about this but i have not gotten in touch with him yet. I just can't believe this is true because we are close as friends and he's never shown any type of behavior like that. What should i think or do here?

To mdmechens, maybe you provided such a stupid answer cause you're a racist yourself! No, i'm not his mother but i'm his friend, and if he is a racist, then that's something i think i have a right to know. Our friendship depends on it. So please, no more dingbat answers like that cause millions of people read these and you're showing everyone how dumb you really are!

To salvation, even though you were wrong in what you did, you deserve praise for realizing that what you did was very wrong and that you admitted it. This world would be better place if more people did what you did and try to change their ways. God bless you!

Answer 1

He may have been behaving this way as it's the way expected by those particular friends.

I did it once, as it was 'required' with a certain groups of friends, and I felt dirty, ignorant and pathetic for doing it. I've certainly never allowed myself to be carried along like that again, and I chose never to spend time with those people again.

I disgust myself remembering that it ever happened. I just wanted to look cool amoungst my friends. Instead I demeaned myself and my true friends.

The fact Jeff hasn't got back to you suggests he is ashamed too. Leave one more message, just saying your're not angry but you really need to talk about it. If he doesn't come back to you, you've no choice but to walk away from the friendship.

Answer 2

Definately try and get in touch with him to discuss the issue. Is this co-worker a friend or just someone that you hang out with at work? That could play a part in the story as well. If you have been friends with "Jeff" for 5 years, I would take his word a bit more seriously. On the other hand, he may have hid this side of him from you. If he does have a side that offends you, you need to sever the ties. sad, but true. Hope this helps. Sheri http://findadvicehere.com

Answer 3

If you have a non- white friend bring them over when you meet up with "Jeff". If he treats them any different than he does you, he is probably racist. If not, talk about a " friend " that is from Africa and make up a story about how they were discriminated and how you hated it. He should get the point.

Answer 4

talk to Jeff about it. sometimes you don't know people as well as you think you do. he may have found it funny being with his friends and all, let him know how you feel about this.

Answer 5

Some people are not racist, but when they get around others they do it to fit in. (which is sad)

Answer 6

If he was at a bar he might have been doing it cuz he was drunk. i think you should talk to him but if thats who he is u have t oaccept that

Answer 7

If you feel comfortable enough to ask him,do it.

Answer 8

so what. if you like him leave it at that. your not his mother.

Answer 9

don't believe everything you hear.