My best friend and I are rooming in the dorms at a University. She and I get along decently well, just a few minor differences, like occassional messes and sleeping habits, and her boyfriend. She has a nightly ritual of having her boyfriend tuck her in (and snuggle) for about 1 hour or more, ending about 1:30 nightly. She thinks I fall asleep right away, I don't and I told her I don't, and I don't want to hear their cooing into the early hours, but she's uncomfortable having this routine in his room. I miss having our fun friend time, and rooming together frustrates me, but I'm afraid to leave because I don't want hard feelings. Advice?
2006-12-03 08:56:50 · 12 answers · asked by Shammie64 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Higher Education (University +)
she's been dating him for a year now and it's looking like it's for keeps. do i approach her first, or the RA first?
2006-12-03 09:23:23 · update #1
(1) Guard your emotions about your friend, because a relationship with a truly good friend is worth protecting. When I was in a similar situation, I tried to mentally separate my emotions about her as a friend from those as a roommate. When our year was up, we admitted that we weren't the best of roommates, but we are still the best of friends.
(2) Continue talking to her about it. Ask her why she is unwilling to compromise (and be prepared for her to ask you the same). Tell her that it hurts you that you don't get enough friend time. Be open and honest, but DO NOT get defensive or attack her. Remember that you are trying to mend your friendship, not end it.
(3) After trying to resolve it between the two of you, go to your RA. That is why she is there: to help resolve problems. You might even be able to have your RA act as a mediator while you and your friend talk things out. RAs are trained to help resolve problems. Just don't be afraid to get help, especially if your ability to complete school work or stay awake during class becomes jeopardized by her late nights.
2006-12-03 09:31:55 · answer #1 · answered by xgravity23 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It looks like to me there is a lot more going on with your feelings then just the cooing of your best friend and her boyfriend. You wrote, "I miss having our fun friend time," Do you and your friend not do any activities at all? Is this a new boyfriend for your best friend? Most intimate relationships have a six-month period where it's all cuddle, cuddle and then afterward, reality and routine sets in and the cuddle, cuddle doesn't happen so often.
I think you need to reevaluate your feelings in this situation. You need to clearly understand what is really bothering you. Once you have done that, then decide, what is my objective, how do I accomplish this and how will I measure the result.
2006-12-03 09:12:04 · answer #2 · answered by Lulabelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's being selfish. SHE'S uncomfortable in his room! How about you being made uncomfortable in your own space. It's totally unfair. Set a rule. 3 nights a week only. I put that rule in when I lived with 2 of my bestfriends. One of them had their boyfriend over everynight. It as excruciating and I worked really tough hours and needed my rest and alone time. People need time to themselves without having to worry about someone coming over and getting a good full nights sleep. If she doesn't agree to the rule (which is a good compromise I think) then find somewhere else to live. If she's your friend she'll understand.
2006-12-03 09:05:43 · answer #3 · answered by Kya 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy, if she is your good friend, then ofcourse she will understand and change this habit or will understand why you want to move out. Dont worry about hurting her feelings, you should always be honest with each other or your relationship wont work out well. Good Luck Dear!
2006-12-03 09:00:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is sickening, bleech! However, you could do much worse for a roomate. Tell her that if she doesn't move the snoogie woogie to some other room so you can get some ZZZs that you'll have to tape it somenight and send it to youtube.com! LOL!
2006-12-03 09:05:56 · answer #5 · answered by ANSWER MY QUESTION!! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there's anything I've learned in life, it's NEVER to room with a friend or family member. Never a good idea.
2006-12-03 09:06:04 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth, they seriously need to get a hotel room. Just get your own place and tell her you need some space because you don't want to be the third wheel.
2006-12-03 08:59:42 · answer #7 · answered by tofu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is your best friend, I would say talk to her openly about how you feel, she should understand where you are coming from?
2006-12-03 09:02:32 · answer #8 · answered by HeELthy^^ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just go into her room and share in the "cooling" time and the situation will probably resolve itself soon enough.
2006-12-03 09:01:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
seriously move out i have had my sister living with me and now we arent talking and she's sent me crazy.....if you want to keep your friend its for the best.
2006-12-03 08:59:59 · answer #10 · answered by Paula 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋