How long do you think you are gonna grieve the loss of a child?

Question

The holidays, regular days, moments doing something we shared.....bring tears to my eyes...He was 27 when he died in a car wreck. I am thankful for what we did have. We were very close. He was an only child. I cherish the memories, but don't like how my emotions are when I wish for something that will never be.

Answer 1

Thank the Gods that I've not experienced the same sense of loss that you have, but I have experienced loss in my own way. From what I've seen and felt, I think that you never really stop grieving. You get to where you can get on with your life, and the pain does lessen over time, but I think that when someone you love very much dies, part of you dies with them, and that part always generates a sense of grief and loss.

The darkness of the human heart always seems to well up during times like this, and I truly feel for you. The holidays are the hardest part of anything like this because the holidays emphasize family togetherness, which is something that you are painfully aware of not having. I wish I could send a hug though the Internet, because I would give you one.

Answer 2

First I want to express my deepest sympathy! Our family has been through this, too.

That varies widely from one person to the next. From situation to situation. But it is never easy.

My aunt's only daughter (age 18) was murdered around 30 years ago. I think the first year was very tough but it got much easier after that. She relived a lot of her pain when my brother's 4 year old boy drowned over a year ago.

My brother was an absolute wreck for the first year. He has gotten much better but occasionally something wil set him off. He went to see the movie "Prestige" not knowing that drowning was a central part of the plot. He was so torn up, he couldn't drive home. We had to go pick him up. But that is not a typical occurance. He seems to do fine unless something triggers a "flash back" type moment.

Another point worth mentioning is that I suspected my brother needed to go on medication long before the tragedy, so he may not be a typical example. He's a great guy but he's always had problems & this tragedy can only make things worse. He wife seems tobe the opposite. She seemed to "get over it" with in a month or two. But we all know that is just denial. "Why deal with emotions when you can just shove them away?" And she makes things even tougher for her husband (my brother) by saying things like "Get over it!"

I still feel there will be moments where the pain rushes back at you. But those times will become more & more infrequent.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for you. I can't even imagine your pain. I am not sure I would ever stop grieving. I would find something to keep myself busy volunteering at a church, nursing home, animal shelter etc some thing new to help ease the pain. While you can never replace him or what might have been. Maybe when you a ready you could become a mentor in a Big Brothers or Sisters or take in a foster child.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom was 33 when she died back in '83 and my grandmother still grieves for her everyday. There is no greater loss than the loss of a child. Cherish your memories. I find that sometimes we never get over a great loss, we learn how to cope. I still miss my mom as well.

Answer 5

I am sorry for your loss, to lose a child whatever age must be terrible. everyone's grief is different some shorter, some takes longer, but until you can accept what has happened however painful that must be you won't be able to move on. I speak from expeirience..........I didn't lose a child but someone close and it took me years of negative thoughts to come to terms with the situation, I will never forget the people I lost but have began the healing process and life is good. I wish you good luck.

Answer 6

Unfortunately today is the 7 year anniversary of my brother's death. He was 23 when he was killed in a car accident. My family still grieves and it is hard around holiday's and his birthday. We just talk about the good times and the things he did that made us laugh. We still incorporate him into our lives and blame things on him (like when the lights went out in the church at my wedding rehersal). I do know it is hard and you are going to grieve the rest of your life. With time, it will get easier but you will have hard times every now and again. That is alright. Cry, let it out, prayer for peace and it will get better.

Answer 7

That's a situation I think we can all relate to.

Time heals all wounds, memories are forever.

I still remember vividly the first Christmas with my future mother in law w/o my mother and she said to her son as I wept into my blazer (I didn't want them to know I was crying and didn't hide it too well) "leave her be."

With my Dad, the apartment was lonely and emptiness laid within me.

I couldn't even look at Christmas Cards for parents. Still can't. Even after all these years, nearly 30 a tear will come into my eye as I remember.

Get the pictures out, laugh as he would have wanted you to laugh.

Although I don't know what his Spiritual Beliefs were, know that He is more than likely with CHRIST and celebrating HIS birth and that Christmas is a magical time of the year. Open your heart to Christ and ask Him to reveal this young man's spirit to you. I've done it and I've had success.

Yes, I still miss my parents, I don't mourn for them though.
Sometimes I hug their photo and cry when I'm sad & lonely though it's not too often. Sometimes a song (esp. this time of year) will hit a raw nerve with me. And it's ok to cry.

There is no permanent timetable for healing of wounds for the loss of someone.

Think of how they would want you to respond. Laugh, have fun, enjoy life and yes, you will see him one day when you too, stand before Christ the Saviour.

God Bless you and I hope you will find Peace, Joy & Happiness through Christ this Christmas.

Answer 8

Celebrate the life...not the death of your child. Remember and include him in the holidays and special times..what you believe he would have enjoyed about a particular moment..etc. He could be closer than you know of...