why do i do this?

Question

i love my partner, but i don't think i'm in love with him. if somebody flirts with me or offers it me on a plate, i'll normally take it. i do have standards, i don't just do anyone, but why am i doing anybody? i should be a good girl. i know i like the power kick, but i'm taking too many risks now and i still can't behave. i'm not addicted to s*x or anything, cos i can say no and sometimes, i just do the flirting and hugging stuff but i am quite annoyed that i can't say no.

i am married, and i am not a slapper, it's not sex, it's fun and flirting. i stopped sleeping around to that extent nearly ten years ago. i just wanted serious answers as to why i have this attention need and why i can't feel guilty. thanks for all your decent answers, and to the rest, grow up.

Answer 1

if u don't want it don't do it.
maybe u need the attention. get closer with ur guy.

Answer 2

Mmmm!

I'm really (now) uncertain of what 'a slapper' is! I'd be interested in reading what you'd define one as though?

Before saying anything else, I have to declare to having both a wife and a girlfriend, so I'm not in a position to moralise or judge which, I hope I don't do anyway.
[ I have my own reasons and justifications for my situation. ]

You have your own unrecognised or undeclared reasons (to your Self) for your behaviour, and it's this series of interactions between you and yourself that fascinates me.

The reasons you have, the judgments you make between

~ the ‘accepting the offer on a plate - as opposed to being a Good Girl’

~ the ‘doing anybody - while not being addicted to sex’

~ the ‘loving your partner - while annoyed that you can’t say no….’

It might help your self if you took a break away from the places you go that these offers are made to you. Then you can get to look at what it is that you miss about them!

At the furthest edge of this behaviour, there is the Russian roulette possibility of the AIDs outcome, then being forced to confront your partner with your behaviour as a result of having to explain how this came about.

Of course, there are possible other STD outcomes which could result in the same scenario as above!

[ I’m assuming that you have thought about and considered and would have no objections if you found that your partner were behaving in the same way! ]


There is a reason or a series of them for your behaviour, and personally, I’d really suggest that you find Professional Help to resolve your ‘dilemma,’ long before these things get the chance from going from Bad to TRAGEDY, for you and what you have.

Best of luck.
Sash.

Answer 3

Well maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship until you know that you're ready to commit. Maybe your actions are hurting your partner's feelings and could eventually push them farther away from you. I mean to me there's nothing wrong with flirting but some partners can become jealous and have the wrong idea about it. You should calm down while you have a partner unless you wanna be alone. Being single is great for some people(like me) because then you can talk to whoever you want and do whatever you want (I'm not talking about sexually but in any situation) without having to be like "Oh that'sright I have a boyfriend" and stuff like that. I am not sexually active but I've been around enough people to know how these situations work. But remember, since you flirt with others while you have a partner don't get mad at THEM if they do the same with others because that could make you seem hypocritical. :)

Answer 4

I asked a very similar question myself a while ago and got so many nasty answers. Is everyone on here whiter that white? I doubt it. Basically humans aren't monogamous creatures. Some creatures are and we, well, aren't. Theres nothing much wrong with flirting, hugging, kissing and everyone makes mistakes. Just make sure you're discreet in what you do and be careful, after all, would your husband end it all with you if he found out? But if you are telling the truth and all you are doing is 'the flirting and hugging stuff' then he'd probably just be pi**ed off!
Sometimes in long term relationships things get stale and a bit of harmless fun with a stranger can perk things up a bit. I'm guessing you're happy in your relationship but maybe your more highly sexed than him?
Don't do anything with his friends, aquaintances, family (!) etc etc, make sure you trust your friends enough not to say anything and like I said before. DISCRETION.
Good luck honey, be happy and f*ck all the haters on this site. They're probably jealous fat housewives and spurned bitter men who need to give someone else attitude to feel better about their own loveless lives. x

Answer 5

You like taking risks do you. Does your partner? I meen to say you would not be the first couple where one person is not playing the field and the the other is and just happens to bring home HIV or a less deadly sexually transmitted disease. millions of people with Aids?HIV cant be wrong. How would you like to be responsible for the sickness and death of another? And condoms are not 100% safe and many people in all cultures has got HIV/AIDS simply becuase the condom broke or came off. If you love your partner you will drop him - tell him straight that you want to have sex with other men that way you are taking risks just for you and not him. You cant love him all that much if you are cheating on him. Is he just convenient? Someone to hang with until some little sexual conquest comes along. Would you like it if he did this to you.

Have some principals and some pride and take responsibility. In this day and age it is not adviseable to have multiple sexual partners and have a steady partner as well. If you love this person then let him go and go do your thing and stop taking risks with his life as well as your own.

Answer 6

If you have a faith and took wedding vows according to that faith, but contradict them, then you are technically immoral.

If you have no faith and had a civil wedding ceremony then you should have aggreed before hand that you would be having sexual intercourse with other people on occassions. This would make your situatuion perfectly acceptable. However I suspect that this is not the case as you would have agreed to him sleeping around too.

"Immoral adj. morally wrong; corupt 2 sexually depraved or promiscuous"

"slag n Brit & NZ slang a sexually immoral woman"

You say that you are "not a slapper".
sorry but you are in denial. if you are married and you 'do anyone' which means to have sex with them, then this automatically classifys you as a slapper, thats what slappers are.

I dont have sympathy for you. You are lucky to be with someone who you supposedly love. I really hope that something happens which will stop this forever before you hurt him or give him an STD (or have you already, who knows? not you.)

Answer 7

You can't say no because... 1- you are not in love with your partner, 2nd You crave the attention of other men because the one you have is not doing it for you and 3rd the only way that you can feel "you still a woman" is by teasing/flirting with other men. Get rid of the one you have right now, and take your time to find the person that makes you feel fullfilled in every way as for you not to look at other men.

Answer 8

So basically what you're saying is that you're a bit of a slapper ???? xx

Just read your addition - Are you the only one that can't see it or are you in denial - you say you're married but can't stop 'doing' other guys. Ask any respectable married woman and the fact you cheat on your husband and havent got the guts to tell the poor guy how you feel or what you do makes you the biggest slapper of all. You can deny it or dress it up in your own mind but the bottom line is thats what you are - grow up and face facts.

Answer 9

You can say no - you're just choosing not to. Get out of your relationship - it's not fair on your partnerand if you love him at all then you should want him to get a partner who's good with him.

HOw's your self-esteem? You think that people fancying you and stuff means you're attractive etc?

Answer 10

I may be wrong, but it seems that you have low self esteem, you need to feel that you are lovable and attractive. By sleeping with men, you think subconsciously that it will make you feel the person that you are inside. As you know, this doesn't happen. You need to talk to someone who knows how to help you see that you don't need to act like this to be the woman that you want to be but already are.

Answer 11

Everyone wants to feel loved and wanted and I think you are brave to admit what a lot of people feel too. Don't beat yourself up about it just be careful and remember to have some self respect. You are your own boss and owe it to yourself to do what you want but if you are in a relationship then ask is it what I want. If not then get out and don't hurt anyone else. Good luck