I split up with my baby's dad when I was 6 months pregnant because he was physically violent towards me. He was very unhappy that I finished with him and quite angry too - said that I wouldn't let him see the baby etc. I was fully prepared to let him see the baby, but now that she's actually been born I feel very protective & don't know whether I should or not.
I was brought up without a dad myself so I know how it feels and that it's NOT a good thing but my protective instincts are really kicking in. If he was violent to me, will he hurt my (sorry, our!) baby?
He hasn't seen her yet, but he wants to. I want him to see her but not if he's going to be abusive to me or her.
Anyone got any advice? Guys how do you feel about this?
2006-12-03 08:09:54 · 20 answers · asked by Anya M 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
If you feel you must allow him to see your baby under no circumstances see him alone. Have a stong male person you trust present and if possible arrange the meeting in a public place. Be a smart girl and do everything to protect yourself and your baby.
2006-12-03 08:13:34 · answer #1 · answered by Babloo2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was 22 when I had my son and in a similar situation..i wasn't physically abused, but my son's father abused drugs big time. I had to decide if i was comfertable with him being involved He ended up going to jail the day before I delivered, and when he got out 5 months later, he still never called to see the baby. He did eventually meet him, and was on and off (but never took him on his own!), and eventually I got tired of it. I filed for soul custody and am still waiting for trial.
bottom line: you are your daughters mother and know whats best for her. Don't push yourself into letting him see her if your not comfy with it. If he hit you while you were pregnant, he obviously dosn't care that much anyways. If he wants to see her, have him come over while a friend or family member is there, so things don't get ugly. If he really wants to see her, he'll keep comming around under your conditions. If he dosn't, too bad for him.
the fact that you changed your mind shows how much you love your baby (congrats: your are officially a mommy!) You also have to stop and think: maybe it hurt for you to grow up without a dad and don't want your daughter to go through the pain you did. But what's better, no father, or a father who beats on mommy?? And if he's hitting you, it's just a matter of time before he'll lash out and hit your daughter (raising children is frustrating people with history of violence usually become child abusers).
If you feel like this is out of your hands, contact a womans shelter and talk to a counselor about your situation. It's all confidential, and they will probably give you some great advice.
Please keep yourself and your little one safe. I hope everything works out for the best.
2006-12-03 16:36:32 · answer #2 · answered by ♥ BuffaloGirl ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is out of the picture until he gets treatment...There is no other way...If he was violent towards you you have the responsibility to protect your baby at all costs. Until he gets treatment he does not have any right to visitation, unless supervised by someone from child and family services (or similar civic entity).
I am sorry to tell you but he needs help and does not need to be near the baby. Even if you want to see him, he should not be allowed near the infant without a third party observer.
Protect yourself...screw you....protect your child
2006-12-03 16:16:00 · answer #3 · answered by silverback487 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a 23 sinlge mom with two kids and I know how you are feeling. the best advice that IO can give you is to let your baby see him and you yourself be around the first few times. If you are still feeling the same way then there is always a way to go to court and get supervised visitations until you are feeling differently about him. Maybe see if he will go to couseling for him being violent. GOOD LUCK
2006-12-03 16:14:37 · answer #4 · answered by josiesmom305 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If in doubt at all no or at least with someone strong responsible and quite willing to back you up should a very bad situation arise and then they can get you to safety and baby also and deal specifically with this guy also for you dont whatever decide this alone or face him on you own lol take really good care of yourself and baby thank you friend get good financial help for you and baby food place to stay necessary clothing for you both etc
2006-12-03 16:16:51 · answer #5 · answered by jeff 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he should be allowed to see his baby. BUT not just with you. I would want a third party present for safety and to observe. Maybe his parents could be the escorts, or child protective services, family MD, that type of thing.
This is a life long process setting up rules and visiting rights. It is important for the baby to have a father but how you set it up should be safe and amicable.
2006-12-03 16:14:33 · answer #6 · answered by Tempest88 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u invite him over make sure someone it there to watch. Keep him in an open area like the living room. If ur going to him contact a family member and make sure they are going to be there or take someone with you. Remember u are the protector a child is helpless- and u may want to inform him of how u feel so he can at least be aware.
2006-12-03 16:23:46 · answer #7 · answered by baltimore_queene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a guy, but I'll tell you what. Do not let this creep near the child and listen to your own instincts. Any man who abuses a woman will do it again. To give him more power by allowing him access to the baby would be totally dangerous.
2006-12-03 16:13:05 · answer #8 · answered by beez 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak with an attorney before agreeing to share your daughter. He [boyfriend] would have his cake and eat it ,too. There are some matters to be discussed in regard to financial responsibility for her care and well being. His history of violence should be taken into seious consideration, also. He may lack self-control during times of emotional stress...or may not have adequate control of his reactions...either way, it is a risk. He will need to learn how to curb or safely vent his physical frustrations.
Congratulations on your decision to choose life for your baby. They are precious gifts...take good care of her.
2006-12-03 16:24:11 · answer #9 · answered by sheila_0123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your pain and concern. I have two young boys and they have different fathers. The key to keeping a good relationship with you childs father is to define rules. Let him know that you have no problem with him seeing his child as longs as he doesnt hit you. If he violates your rules also let hin no that there will be repercussions.
You have to stand up for yourself and let him know that you are not the same vulnerable person that you once were.
Good Luck
2006-12-03 16:16:27 · answer #10 · answered by delmonicole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋