Why is my marriage over?

Question

I have been married for 16 years. I have three children. The oldest is 14 and the youngest is 9. My wife and I just filed bankrupcy this last week. She then told me on the way back from the lawyer that she is unhappy and doesn't want to be married anymore. I have not seen her since Friday. I am going out of my mind..please help me. I cannot figure out what to do or say except to ask her to stay and work it out.I love my wife and do not want this to happen no matter what. I have told her this and she will hear none of it. Please advise me. Mabey If I get it soon enough, I can make it work. For my childrens sake and ours.

Answer 1

I understand how you feel, and I know it hurts and I am very sorry. I went through a similar situation and I faught it all the way just like you are. I didnt want to accept that it was over, but at one point very soon you are going to have to face it. A good friend told me just like the saying goes( as corney as it sounds it's the complete truth) let her go. Walk away from it, the whole thing it's gonna be real real hard to do yeah but ya got to, and you can. The more you beg the more you call and bug her the less she wants to see or hear from you. The only thing you can do at all is keep some dignity, make sure she knows you love her (which I am sure she does after 16 years of marriage) and walk away. I did this, and yes it was awful, I was miserable and that was after a much shorter marriage, so I can imagine how your gonna feel but.... my husband came back to me on his own. Just one day out of the blue he called me and we went from their. As crazy and movie like as it sounds if it is really meant to be, then when you let her go she will come back to you. If not then she wasnt worth having to start with. Think of it this way 16 years is a long time but wouldnt you rather know now than in say 20 or 30 years. If it didnt work out and isnt meant to be than that is just more time that you have to spend with someone who wont walk out on you when the chips are down. I know thats real tough to hear right now. This time, this moment, these problems are not forever and you can and will go on, for your kids now and eventualy in time for yourself as well. So just remember everything happens for a reason and that means the yucky stuff too. Good Luck to ya!

Answer 2

I was in a same situation where, my husband suddenly decided he did not love me anymore and wanted out of the marriage. Now I have realised that, once that is indicated to a spouse they have other things in mind and once they make up their minds to opt out, I'm afraid nothing will convince them to reconcile. In your case, it could be the pressure of probably knowing what the stresses of becoming bankrupt will bring to her comfort in the future which, probably stressed her to that point. I sincerely hope that you will both be sensible and try and work things out and remind her that marriage was never meant to be for the good days only, we all need each other's support when things don't go quite as well we want them to go. Everyone has bad experiences from time to time and we all need to accept the good with the bad. Hope she'll come to realise that, by leaving the marriage is no gaurantee of continual happiness. Good luck mate

Answer 3

money problems first

then bedroom problems

then you fight and split up

it usually happens like that

if you care about each other you do what you can (within limits) to get money and keep food there and bills paid so there isn't constant stress. You did the bankruptcy. Now you get a new start. Put some money aside so you can both relax. Even like $1000 each. Then feed the kids and make sure they have clothes. Then maybe ask her on a date and try to start over. Or do it with somebody else. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Your children will not benefit by their parents living together when at least one of them doesn't want to be there. I'm sorry to read your story but if you've asked your wife to stay and she's declined then you need to accept that your marriage is over and start preparing for what is ahead.

Best of luck to all of you...and hopefully you two can stay friends, for the kids' sake.

Answer 5

She has decided that you are the root of all her problems and is cutting ties to get away from your bad luck.

My ex did this to me. In 2001, my son was kicked out of his senior year, my job went from the best ever to the worst, my mom was given 2 years to live and died in 6 weeks, he convinced me to quit my job, 9-11 happened, and then he left me for his secretary.

He blamed me for all the badness, f* him. A few months later he tried to weasle his way back into my life, I kicked him to the curb.

If your spouse can't stick around when times are tough, they don't deserve to stay around for the return of the good times.

I'm sorry for your pain, please do the right thing by your children and don't fight for anything except their best interests.

Answer 6

you have the upper hand, dont let your emotion get the best of you.....file for divorce now and claim abandonment....you will get the kids and the house and everything....do it while you can.

otherwise if you let her back and she files your going to be in a world of hurt paying child support for the next 9 years.

face the facts its over, so at least play it right while you have this chance.

Answer 7

your blaming yourself for it, when this is all about her and what she is thinking. did u ever think she was seeing someone else, when they are involved with someone else, we are always last to know, and if thats the case nothing u say will mean a thing to her. odviously she blames u for the problems, and fails to take any responsibility in it at all. all marriages have problems, and nothing is perfect, she just doesn't want to work it out, sometimes it's because there is another person in her life.

Answer 8

She is being selfish at this time & you can not control her at this point...pray and let GOD do what he do. I know you don't want to hear this but if you read my questions and blogs.....you will see that I have graduated from the school of hard knocks myself. God Bless. You do what's best for you and the kids now....just keep loving her, but don't hold onto someone who is not holding onto you.

Answer 9

She is unhappy and doesn't want to be married anymore. SHE is the only one responsible for making herself happy. If she doesn't want to be married any longer there is nothing you can do to make it work. And PLEASE don't use your children as pawns. For the children's sake let their mother be happy.

Answer 10

get some counseling with or without her. If she refuses to work things out you can do nothing but work to get over it. If can have a judge order counseling before a divorce is granted.