Help! My marriage is going downhill!?

Question

Okay, im going to be honest with the world. Im not the best wife in the world (nor is my husband the best husband). i dont cook or clean or work full time. i go out with my friends a lot. I cant stop partying but i will start NOW. I seemed to have messed things up a little cause i cuss a lot and have a loud mouth. (no, i dont cuss at him.) He doesnt take me seriously. I messed up and i want to make things right. he told me he will never leave me cause hes in love with me but he is unhappy. Please help me make things right. please give me advice. (yes, i know im gonna get it from alot of you but in addition, please help?) I want to be a better wife. I dont know how. I need a handbook or something. (no kids yet)

Thank you so much for all of your helpful answers. I was expecting to be attacked! You all are right. Things are going to CHANGE! He was happy to hear it.... after i changed...its definatley HIS turn cause hes got a lot of changing to do, too. But i think he will after i do.♥

Answer 1

The best book I've ever read (and I've heard this from others as well) on helping couples to communicate effectively -- leading to a much stronger, healthier relationship -- is "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".

I personally recommend that book to any couple having any communication problems.

Answer 2

It's very easy for a relationship to go downhill after marriage. Before marriage, the couple is working TOWARDS something--they're building the relationship to the highest point they can think of, marriage. After marriage, some couples might find themselves merely trying to maintain the relationship, which causes it to feel stagnate or that the "spark" they had is gone. Even worse, some couples stop working altogether and thats when relationships go downhill after marriage--and why we have a what, 50% divorce rate in the U.S.?

Answer 3

Sit down with him and talk about it. Sounds like you have some growing up to do. I don't know how old you are but you seem very young. You are not a bad person. You just may not have the skill set to do marriage yet. You can learn. A marriage is hard work. Maybe you went into it thinking it was going to be some fairy tale. It is not. If you have been "partying" a lot, you may need some help to stay away from alcohol or drugs. Check out AA or NA if you have trouble stopping the substance use or staying stopped. Talk to this man frankly about all this. Good luck.

Get a book on relationships. They are all over all book stores.

Answer 4

Your marriage is going downhill because you are letting it. When is the last time you two went on a romantic date? You need to schedule time for the two of you the same way when you were dating. Get some counseling on the side. It is twice as hard to save a marriage than to leave. You need to decide which it is going to be BEFORE you take the next step. If you want him, it will be hard but the end result will be worth it. First step is to let him know you are proud of him in some way.

Answer 5

Perhaps its not your responsibility to make things right. What you and him need to do is sit down together and become totally open minded without feelings getting in the way pretend your just friends. Tell him what makes you unhappy in your half of the relationship and ask him to give his honest response as to his. After these areas have been identified, this would be the time to start making reasonable compromises. Nothing huge like..Im gonna get a sex change if it will make you happy. More like, if you really like the house being clean after work then I'll try a little harder. Start with simple things. If you two cannot even get into the position to have the conversation to begin with then perhaps more deep and different thoughts are at hand. Some people arent meant to be together. Some people are. Time will only tell.

Answer 6

If you have your mind set, start doing something. Cook, clean, get a job, do something. Its a lot of hard work - being married. I think your husband must be a good man to let it slide as he has. Quit going out/ clean up the mouth and start working at it. I know you can do it - you want to now. Start slow and work your way up. You'll feel better in the end.

Answer 7

Listen, if you are not working and just partying, you are not contributing. Start making dinners and cleaning and making yourself useful. You say you don't have kids but your husband certainly does. He has to take care of you like a kid. What would you feel if your husband died of a heart attack from the stress and unhappiness brought on by your immature behavior? If you love him you will try to make his life better and worthwhile. Now get off the computer and go do the laundry!

Answer 8

Marriage is a lot of take and give on both sides. It takes two to work it out. You can't just work on it yourself. If you truly want to change and make your marriage work than show him you are changing. You can't say you are. Just do it. Men are a lot like children sometimes. They still want to be coddled and shown special treatment. Maybe he was jealous of all the attention your friends got? Show him that he is still number one with you!!!

Answer 9

You don't need a book, it's called respect.

Your husband has already told you what he wanted from you many times I am sure, but you were only thinking of yourself and partying.

There is nothing worse than losing your husband's respect and knowing that he is unhappy in the relationship but stays so he says because "He loves you."

I hope he gets the balls to release you if you don't straighten up.

Best of luck.

Answer 10

do your partying @ home....include your man. and make him feel as tho he is the only one left in the world! you don't have to party outside the home , there are no kids yet an he knows you party. take caffeine pills to hype yourself up the next day an have energy to clean your home. leave people outside of your marriage alone for awhile an just concentrate on your hubby.