Am I being selfish?

Question

Ok, my mom died when I was 8 and I am now 15, my dad has been going out with 3 women since then. I hate everyoneof them, not as a person, but I don't want anyone to replace my mom. Then recently I think he has started seeing this other lady, I met her a long time ago and once again I hate her. My dad asked me and my two brothers if it would be ok if he brought her up to go snowboarding with us. I shrugged my shoulders and said I didn't care. But I do care. Am I being to selfish? I just don't want anyone to replace my mom. What can I do? Please help me. I really don't want to talk to my dad about it so....
Oh and if it helps, I am a girl.
I will never willingly except another women into my life, I can talk to my friends, (even though it's uncomfortable talking to them) I would rather talk to them then some person that over took my life.
Oh and another thing, I HATE COUNSLERS

Answer 1

you are being selfish, nobody can replace your mom, but he has the right to have companion ship, even the vows they took say, til death do us part, grow up, and let your dad be happy

Answer 2

You are being selfish. That kind of behavior was probably appropriate at 8 year old. But you are a young woman now. Old enough to know the following: 1. No one can ever replace your mother. 2. Your father has a right to have his own life, whether you like it or not. As I said, you are not 8 years old any more.

You need some therapy for Grief/loss. I can tell because you are still holding on to this resentment after 7 years. Deal with your pain about losing your mom and you may be a bit more understanding of your father's needs for famale companionship. It is "till death do you part." That marriage is over. Deal.

Answer 3

For one thing no one will ever take your mom's place and your dad knows this quite well I'm sure. Your being selfish because your not giving your father a chance to have some happiness in his own life. I think deep inside you decide ahead of time you will not like any woman that comes into your dad's life no matter how nice she may be. Don't you ever think that your not the only one that misses your mother? I mean I'm sure it hurt your father a lot losing her. He probably gets lonely and needs a woman in his life. If you love him at all you will try to be more open about this whole thing and give the women in his life a chance. Good luck to you ;o)

Answer 4

Sorry to agree with everyone else here but YES you are being selfish. I don't recall him mentioning that he is replacing your mother nor would he ever, but like most people that have gone through this he looking for someone to share his life with, whether it is a friend or more. Really that isn't any of your business what she is to him, all she and you need to be is friends if you are willing to compromise. Keeping this from your father isn't cool either. You really need to sit down and talk to him. Like someone else said you are out hanging with your friends why can't he have the same thing in his life. You can't expect him to stay home and be lonely the rest of his life just cuz you can't deal with it. Grow up a little and let your father live his life.

Answer 5

what is this disease...the elecktra complex. look it up.

yes, you are being selfish. he deserves to be happy, and there is nothing you can do to change the fact that he wants to be. and wouldn't that suck if you threw a temper tantrum and said that you hate her, blahblahblah right after he tells you that he is engaged to someone and he breaks it off because of you?

my father died when i was 3. my mother got another boyfriend. they are now married and all that, and i call him dad. will he ever replace my father? no. does he know that? yes. does he want to? no. yeah, i call him dad, because he's really the only one i have ever known. he has done a great job.

you sound like you need another woman in your life. get over it. i don't understand why you wouldn't want your father to go out and get a life and be happy instead of sitting around remembering your mother. you sure as hell aren't doing that, you're going out with your friends and having fun and everything. you need to let go.

Answer 6

your not being selfish, you just havent truly come to terms with the situation. your dad is an adult and when you get to be his age you will better understand the position he is in. why do you hate counselors? is it because they tell you what you dont want to hear? that your mom is gone and your dad has every right in the world to move on? not trying to be insensitive sweetie, but anyone who loses a parent at a young age should go through some counseling and i think in order for you and your family to be happy you should open your mind a little a try a few sessions to deal with the things youve kept bottled up inside of you.

Answer 7

Yes you are being MAJORLY selfish. None of these women will ever be able to replace your mother. But your father deserves companionship for the rest of his life and you are blocking an important friendship for yourself. You are being extremely immature, childish, spoiled and selfish. I hope your father does wind up marrying this woman as he obviously deserves SOME happiness after living with you the past seven years.

Answer 8

Dear Answerme...
I am blessed to be the mother of two teenage daughters, and the daughter of a mother who is still very involved in my life. From both of these perspectives, I had a deep understanding of and appreciation for the bond between mothers and daughters. My heart goes out to you in that you and your mother had such a short time together. I'm sure that she would always have wanted to be there for you when you needed her. I have always felt that way about my own daughters. I knew that they needed me, even when they didn't seem to think so! And, as a daughter, I know that you never really stop needing your mom. No matter how old you get to be!

Women experience things differetly than guys do...and we all need, from time to time, the comfort, friendship, and wise counsel of a woman who has already experienced, and survived, the same challenges, joys, and sorrows that we find ourselves facing.

One of my daughters recently dated a young man whose families took a real interest in her. I found myself a little jealous as I began to think about the future, and the fact that, some day, I would have to share her with the family, or families, of her husband. But I quickly came to treasue the hope and knowledge that, if there ever comes a time in her life that I can not be there for her, that she would have a godly mother-in-law who would take her close to her own heart and treat her as a daughter, being there for her in the same way that I would.

Perhaps you have a wonderful relationship with an aunt, or a grandmother...if so, you are blessed, and I know that they will always try to be there for you.

I agree with the advice that many others have given you regarding your father's needs. After all, you and your brothers will someday be gone, living your own lives. You father needs, and deserves someone to share his joys, challenges, and sorrows with, both now and in the future.

But most of all, I don't think I am wrong to assume that your mother would have wanted you to have someone that you could turn to if she was not there. At 15, you have already experienced much, but there is still so much more to life still to come. Trust in your father and give him the confidence and freedom to pursue a relationship withsome special to him. If you and your brothers are supportive of him, instead of fighting or undermining him, he will be able to make wise decisions for himself and for you. If you are, you can trust that he will chose someone who will not only share his life, but who will grow to care about and love you and your brothers as well. She will never take your mother's place either in your heart or in your dad's, but she can be someone who will be there for your family in her own right. And that would be a true blessing for you and for her.

Answer 9

Nobody will ever replace ur mother...and i am sure ur dad realizes this...yes ur being a little selfish because ur dad needs to be happy too...sometimes u have to open up ur heart and accept people for who they are and not automatically think they are bad and trying to replace ur mom...good luck to u

Answer 10

YES, your being very selfish, yes I understand that you miss your mother, but you need to understand that your dad isn't trying to replace your mom. Do you understand that maybe he would like to be happy? That he's lonely, you need to quit thinking of yourself, and think about his happiness. If my wife died, I wouldn't find a woman to replace my wife, to replace my children's mother, but I would want to be happy. And my wife would want me to be happy as well. And it's something we have talked about. Think about it this way, would your mother want your dad to be happy?

Also you NEED to talk with your dad about it. You need to let him know how you feel, because I'm sure he would reasure you that he's not replacing your mom.

Answer 11

i would have done the same perhaps;i would rather suggest u to talk to ur father and brother;cause small issues like this that are not openly disscused in the family can cause big problems in futre so it would be the best to disscus it with ur father ;and another thing imagine ur self as standing all alone in a school thts where ur father is rite now k.