Am I being selfish?

Question

Ok, my mom died when I was 8 and I am now 15, my dad has been going out with 3 women since then. I hate everyoneof them, not as a person, but I don't want anyone to replace my mom. Then recently I think he has started seeing this other lady, I met her a long time ago and once again I hate her. My dad asked me and my two brothers if it would be ok if he brought her up to go snowboarding with us. I shrugged my shoulders and said I didn't care. But I do care. Am I being to selfish? I just don't want anyone to replace my mom. What can I do? Please help me. I really don't want to talk to my dad about it so....
Oh and if it helps, I am a girl.
I will never willingly except another women into my life, I can talk to my friends, (even though it's uncomfortable talking to them) I would rather talk to them then some person that over took my life.
Oh and another thing, I HATE COUNSLERS

You guys are making me sound like a little devil.
This is harsh.

Answer 1

I used to be the same way about councliers. untill i went to summer camp this summer. My counciler at camp this year was the best one i ever had. i can talk to him about any thing, and even though i only had 1 week to get to know him, we became close freinds. we even got together over thanksgiving break to have lunch. i just turned 17 so i am not that much older than you.

now, into your problem. no i do not think you are being selfsh at all. you still love your mother and that i a good thing. you do need to find someone to talk to though. if you dont tell any one then you willbe very unhappy when people unknowingly ignor you. if you cant talk to your dad, and are uncomfortable talking to your freinds, then you need to find someone. i know it is a long way off, but consider going to camp this summer. the perfect camp is called "the wilds". it in in NC but i know kids from alaska who come every year. most of the counclers at this camp are in their frist year of college and not that much older than you. they can (if you let them) become good freinds. or you can call the camp any time and ask to speak to ether Rand Hummel or Matt Herbster. both of these men are very nice. and they have spent most of their lives helping teens just like you. these are not your average counclers. or you can email me. i dont know if i can help much, but i can try. hopefuly next summer i will be a CIT (counciler in training). i will list the camp info below.

Answer 2

Yes you are being very selfish. Who says your dad is not entitled to some happiness in this world? have you stopped to think about how you would feel if you were married, had some kids and then lost your spouse? think of how he feels for a while and then you can see how selfish you are really being.

Nobody can take your mothers place and I am sure they would not want to if they even could. Just because another woman is dating your dad does not mean she wants to be your mother. Help you or be your friend, maybe, but not take your mothers place. Impossible to do. If you would just let some of the hostility go for a while and get to know someone your dad is interested in and treat her as a friend, you may find you have someone you can talk with that can understand where you are coming from and turn out to be the best thing next to having your own mother there to talk with. Is your dad to be punished for the rest of his life for your mother dying? Why is he not supposed to be happy if he can find someone that he can be happy with? Give it a chance and you may find you can have a best friend and your dad can be a much better dad to boot.

Answer 3

Its not really that your being selfish, but honestly it is up to your father if he wants to date or not. I would mention to him that it is hard for you to except it, instead of just shrugging it off. He might just think of this as natural teenage attitude, and not really realize how this makes you feel.

I am sorry to hear about your mom, but your dad just may want more in his life now. Meaning someone his own age that he can have a bond with. I doubt he is trying to find you a new mom, but this may be his way of trying to move on with his life.

I can see it being hard for you as you are a girl, and this is another women, but just know that your mom will always be your mom. Whether or not another women comes into your life, she will never be your mom.

Try not to be too hard on your dad if you talk to him, he did loose his wife too. But it seems like there is a little communication problem going on.

Answer 4

I think that's a little selfish but you have a reason behind it. As painful as it can be to see someone trying to, in a way, replace your mother, nobody will ever be able to do that and I think you should really try to set those feelings aside and get to know these women on their own merits. Nobody can ever take your mother's place, but your father shouldn't be lonely. What I mean is, try to set your feelings aside and learn about the woman and bond with her more as a friend or an aunt or something than a parent.

Answer 5

i think i know how you feel you may be thinking that she is trying to replace your mother that she will take the place of your mom in your dads heart but that's not truth no one will ever take her place not in your heart not in your father heart i know you feel like noon is good enough but let me tell you something no one will be because there's no one like our mom. I think you should tell your dad how you feel but i think your father need do meet women because that's healthy i know you don't want him to be happy you dint have to accept the lady like your new mom you just need t accept them as your father friend or maybe as a friend to you too you should give them a chance so you get to know them and its OK to say what you feel even if its hurt only you have to said it in a respectful way and another thing sweetie you had suffer a big loss in an early age so maybe some counseling can may some good to you to help get that anger out because you have some anger built up for everything you have gone trough I'm not a counselor but i had gone trough something familiar and trust me is better out than in my best wishes too you and your family and remember maybe seen a lady could make your dad more happy don't you want that?

Answer 6

Yes you are being selfless and you are afraid that another woman in your dad's life might make you and your brothers less important to him as well as you are afraid that this woman might very well try acting like a new mom and I can understand why you wouldn't want that. But don't you think your dad should be happy? Plus if your father really likes this woman he may marry her and than she will be your new step mom. If I were you I would just tell your father how you feel about another woman in his life but don't get mad about it otherwise that'll just make things harder. Don't worry no one can ever replace your mom no matter how hard they try. Just give this woman a chance if not for you than for your dad.

Answer 7

Yes. You are being selfish. Clearly you think that the world revolves around you and your needs. How about your father do you love him? Don't you want him to be happy? What about his needs and desires.

You miss your mother and you believe that no one could ever replace her. Has it ever occurred to you that your father believes that too? What if he is not trying to replace her? Maybe he is lonely and wants adult companionship, interaction, and connections.

You don't want to talk to your dad about this, because deep in your heart (not so deep as far as I'm concerned) you know that you are being a selfish baby and want to control him.

Some day you are going to grow up and become involved with an adult; your dad may want you to stay a little girl, but it wont happen you WILL grow up. That is life.

I say you get over yourself and stop thinking about what YOU want and start thinking about what other people besides you need and want.

Answer 8

You should talk to your dad, even if you don't want to. He needs to know how you feel. My mom dragged me and my sister from one bad relationship to another and we never had a choice or a opinion on who she dated. You are lucky to have the option of being able to tell him how you feel. He obviously cares about what you think on who he's dating and wants you to be involved, so be involved. You're not selfish for not wanting someone to replace your mom, but you are being selfish on other matters like not talking to your dad about your feelings and how you feel. He he doesnt know how you feel, he can't set proper rules for his girlfriend towards you so that she won't overset your bounds. You're dad also has the right to get on with his life and be try and be happy with another women, and if you're standing in the way of that with your emotional hatetred towards all women that he dates, thats also being selfish, so please talk with him so you guys can come to some kind of comprimise.

Answer 9

hello, i'm 17, and i'm a girl too. i can't really put myself into your shoes since my parents haven't died, but i'm sure that i would feel exactly as you do. i have said to my parents many times that if one of them ever died, and the other decided to start dating again, that i would never treat that other person as family, or friend. i have said that i would make the other person's life as miserable as i could. i do not believe that you're being selfish, it's just normal behavior. your father might not appreciate it, but he most definitely should expect it. i do not think that consulting a counselor would be a wise idea (i hate them too), the only thing they can do, is make your situation worse.

my only suggestion is, to continue to talk to your friends about the situation you're in, maybe they can ease the tension. and tell your father about how you feel about him dating again, maybe you can come to a compromise.

i hope all goes well with whatever choice you make and good luck,

*raeyne~serpentwolf*

Answer 10

Honey i know it is hard and I know you miss your mom a lot. You need to realize that your dad needs someone to take care of him and your family. Sounds like your dad is a very special person in your life. You need to understand that he needs to have some happiness in his life. If you don't already have a bf how do you think your dad would feel when you got one? He knows you would deserve to be happy and he wouldn't tell you you couldn't be with that person. Same goes for your dad, he needs to have someone in his life that he can be happy with. Not that he was not happy with you and your brothers but he wants someone in his life to help take care of you. You sound like a really special young lady, just give input to how you feel without being spiteful, just be truthful if you don't like her. However you have to remember that it is your dads decision in the end. God bless you and keep you.