i have brought my daughetr up on my own (i;m female by the way) i live with her dad till she was 18month old! but he never helped me with her he never even acknowlaged that she was here! he used to beat me up if she cried when he was asleep! he beat me up one day when she was 18mths old in front of her after 6 years of putting up with him i that night reported it to the police he had to move out of the house as he was on bail he never had any contact with us for 5mth after being to court an being found guilty i agreed that he could come on a sunday to see her but as he never got involved with her an because of his history of violence their is noway he is having unsupervised visits! but after letting him come bck n see her all he has done is well and truely mess us around and play mind games with me! he only show when he feels like it he is never on time he is trying to make us homeless and never takes an intrest in our daughter half the time when he comes he goes to sleep on the sofa!
2006-12-03
05:51:20
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21 answers
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asked by
lillypops
4
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
lots of other things have happened! but i am sure you get the picture! i really dont feel that it is in my daughters best interests to see him as he does absoultly nothing for her apart for hurt both of us! but now i get told by my solicitor that just cos he pays CSA then the courts will grant him accsess cos of all this fathers rights stuff! surely this is wrong surely me and my daughter have gone through enough and should be able to live a normal life as if we have to put up with this for the next 16 years wot affect is it going to have on her! does anyone no how we can get trough this! just wanna add my daughter is only 3 and isnt all that bothered about him and when he messes us about it affects her sleep and she wets herself ext.... but i just cant be free of him because of farthers rights i just want her to have the best upbringing possibale and i can do that alone i dnt need a man like this in her life
2006-12-03
05:57:12 ·
update #1
i just dnt understand why people say he's her dad and he should see her!! he doesnt care less he never even asked about the other week when i informed him she was ill! why does she need him when she hasnt needed him so far he will only take me to court to hurt me!!! but this is not fair on my daughter why should she have to have a distrupted life and if she had to go with him i no he would not take proper care of her! just cos he is her dad sorry but now i see it and he is a total waste of space and a arsehole!! i do not want my baby growing up to disrespect people use people and to think its ok to be a bully
2006-12-03
06:08:16 ·
update #2
to PHIL Y I DNT WANT HIS MONEY BUT COS OF TAX CREDITS I HAVE BEEN TOLD I HAVE TO CLAIM CSA OR I CANT HAVE TAX CREDITS N IF I CNT HAVE HELP WITH TAX CREDIT THEN I CNT AFFORD TO LIVE
2006-12-03
07:32:58 ·
update #3
I wouldnt bother with him he has messed you about since you had your daughter. Think about what is doing to your daughter it cant be good for her
2006-12-03 05:55:05
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answer #1
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answered by liz 2
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Speaking from experience, most states won't allow supervised visitations purely on the fact that he abused you. You have to show that he is a threat to your daughter - does drugs, has abused her, etc. I was in a marriage where I was abused as well and to this day, I have yet to get approved supervised visitations. Fathers do have rights to see their children if they pursue it. If this isn't through the courts, you can tell him that you want supervised visitations but if it goes to court, chances are he will be granted normal visitations right of every other weekend, shared holidays, etc. But at the same time, he will be ordered to pay child support. Lack of paying child support doesn't nullify visitations either. I've been fighting this battle for over 8 years now and it makes me sick what fathers that walk away get away with! If you have not gone to court and he hasn't pursued it, you have to make the decision on whether you want him in her life but not yours romantically. If he wants to be her in life, it's not right to stophim purely on how you feel about him. She has a right to know her father and one day it could bite you in the rear. I hope he wakes up and realizes what a blessing his daughter is and I'm sorry you're going through this. It's so hard when kids are involved and the father is such a jerkwad!
2006-12-03 05:56:49
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answer #2
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answered by MasLoozinIt76 6
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My best suggestion is keep him awya from your house. If you have a friends house or family members house you could meet at that is what I would do. He does have the right to see her, but if you do this he knows nothing of your personal life outside your daughter, also he is less likely to pull something in front of other people. If he knows where you live then I would move so he did not and meet at another house other than yours. He may try to play mind games with you, but you are not his, so it is up to you whether you play them or not.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: My circumastances were a little diffrent but let me tell you what I know. I was raised by my father, he never once said bad things about my mother. My mother on the other hand always had bad things to say, especialy after he passed away when I was fifteen, she would tell me how they would fight and how he got physical with her, now its not that I don't believe my mother but I was no there to say whether he did or not. My dad was an angel to me, I could not have asked for a better father seriously, I feel like he was the best. Now, I hope your husband does not try to take your child away, It is obvious you love them. My mother admitted that it took my dad awhile to get attached to us kids but when he did it stuck and he was good to us. Now, what I am simply saying, is that not all cases of problems be passed to the child, and I hate for your child to miss out on what could be a wonderful relationship with their father. You had good reasons to leave him, but as long as he has not hurt your child then your not just giving him a chance to be a father, but your giving your child a chance to have a father, which many do not get the choice. If by chance he starts to but his anger into the child then I would not blame you for revoking rights, but till then give your child a chance for a father, but to keep him away from your home until you feel comfortable with him coming over.
2006-12-03 06:04:22
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answer #3
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answered by a h 2
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2016-02-11 09:26:26
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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He has the right to see his daughter because in the very beginning BEFORE she was even conceived YOU made the choice to have sex with this man and as a result it created another life. First of all when he comes for visitation (or she goes there) he is to have his OWN place to stay, not stay at your place. As for unsupervised visits that is for the COURT to determine not you. You can express your hesitance at letting him have unsupervised visits but if the court orders it so you have nothing to say unless YOU want to end up in contempt of court and do jail time yourself. If you live in the states it is up to YOU to file for child support from this man. If YOU don't then you can't blame him for the financial situation you are in. I see no proof of him trying to make you homeless, if you're so worried about finances get out and get a job, just like thousands of other single mother's do. Stop blaming HIM for the choices that YOU make. Yes he messed up big time but he is not totally to blame. YOU chose to make a baby with this man and he has the right to see his child and she has the right to see him whether YOU like it or not.
2006-12-03 11:14:17
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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Eventually, she is going to want to know more about her father no matter what you do or say. And she will discover his negative traits on her own. That's what I did and I resented my mother for a long time for keeping me away from him, but now I'm in my 30s and understand why she did what she did and I love her for that. My biological father is not a good person, but I'm glad I am getting to know that side of the family. His sisters, mother and other CHILDREN (yes, turns out I have another brother and sister who are fantastic). There are no easy, pleasant answers to this one. :-( Either way, she will form her own opinion based on her own experiences with him, but may benefit from at least spending time with his family members. She certainly doesn't need to be exposed to the violence. I'm glad my mother kept my brother away from our father growing up. He was/is also a violent person with some major psychological issues and drank like a fish, but there are people I'm related to through him I love and adore very much. I would have hated to not know those relatives.
2006-12-03 06:08:35
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answer #6
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answered by Jen C 1
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What a low life dirty ar**hole, he should be castrated and be never allowed to produce children again.
I take it he doesn't support your child, but you should have access at a contact centre, not allow him in your home as he is taking the mick out of you. Supervised access, no show, no excuses, no contact and i don't think a court would over rule you. You are there to secure a safe environment for your daughter with consistancey if he can not accept that tell him to jog on!
I have just read your add on...HE IS VIOLENT. I stopped access coz my ex wasn't paying i was told i didn't have a leg to stand...fine, the two apparently do not go hand in hand i was told, hence he woud win access even if he didn't pay... but my kids made the decission in the end!
2006-12-03 05:57:58
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answer #7
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answered by untanuta 5
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If you're not too afriad....refuse to let him see her. If he really is interested in seeing her then he will be forced to fight for visitation through the courts. Tell them about your concerns...there should be a police report on file so that they will know about his violence.
My bet is he's not interested enough in having her in his life to go through the hassle of court. If he is, then they can babysit the process.
Ultimately, he is her father and she should have him in her life. Whether you like him or not. But if he's violent...then you need to take both of your safety into consideration.
2006-12-03 05:59:21
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answer #8
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answered by TTerrell 3
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well stop alloying him to come over.if he wants to see her tell him that you will meet him some place.like the park or McDonald's.if he does not show up then the next time he wants to see her tell him to take you to court.make sure you write down all the times he has seen her or not shown up. make sure when you get into court tell them how he beat you and you may have to prove it via. police report. and explain that you don't want him to have unsupervised visits.they may assign you a person that will be there when he is to see the child. and they will document what goes on.
2006-12-03 05:57:20
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answer #9
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answered by here to help 4
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frankly i dont think the scum deserves anything, get an restraining order on him,because his other antics can be classed as emotional abuse, and if he does come around, you can call the cops and back to jail he goes.granted a child shouldnt be without a father figure, but it doesnt necessarily need to be the biological dad
2006-12-03 06:00:03
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answer #10
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answered by yankeegray_99 5
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As he's violent & he's been convicted for it (against you), I think you stand a good chance of at least having him put on a restraining order. I suggest you see another solicitor or contact a woman,s refuge centre & speak to one of their advisors, go have a look at site below to see if it helps
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
2006-12-03 06:03:56
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answer #11
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answered by ? 6
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