Do I have a right to be pissed at him?

Question

So my fiance messed up my birthday. He waited until the night before my birthday to purchase me tickets online for a Broadway show, and it turned out, they were sold out. Then, he said, instead, we'll take a trip to Boston for a weekend. Great idea, right? I thought so.

The problem is, he's waiting for test results that will come in on Dec. 15th to find out if he's able to keep the job he has. If he passes, and he keeps the job, we go to Boston. If not, no trip. So I didn't get a present. 50/50 chance either way.

His defense is that he's very stressed out over his job. Understandable! However, my stance is that he knew his job stuff before my birthday, so he should've chosen something other than the night before to buy my present. I've also given him plenty of ideas, including perfume, bath and body stuff, clothing, purses, etc., that will cost FAR less money.

I'm not concerned about the material goods, at all. I just feel like he messed up. Do I have a right to be mad?

It's not a drug test....it's a very difficult written examination offered by the state....he's completely clean and sober.

And, thank you to everyone who pointed out things from a guy's point of view. I'm such a girl!

Thank you to everyone who offered their advice. I really did want to know what other people thought about the situation, because I honestly couldn't tell if I was being selfish or not. The truth of the matter is that he is a fantastic person, and I know we are deeply in love and will have a great marriage, because we communicate very well. I just wanted to know if I had a right to be upset!

I thought there were so many good answers, that I'm going to open this up to voting. I really couldn't decide which was the best.

Thanks, everyone! (except the one about the drug tests....sounds like you've had some experiences with some real losers!! lol)

Answer 1

you have a right to be angry

for my boyfriends birthday we were moving from BC to Florida since he was transfered for work and I had no time to put together his birthday stuff so he got nothing....but I'm doing everything my power to make our christmas amazing to sort of make up for it....

tell him you don't want to go to boston but would rather have a new outfit or something that you would enjoy more....

Answer 2

Good question, I feel in a way you have a right to be upset but, you need to be understanding that he is under alot of stress from work. Men have this way of not remembering birthday and such, so if you plan to marry him get over it. I have been married almost 18 years and never get a birthday present or Christmas present or any for that matter. I just go get my own present. If you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him tell him how you feel now.

Answer 3

I know what you are saying, it's not the thing it's the thought and time used to put together the gift. It sounds like he loves you very much and is trying hard to make it up to you and not give you something that he would feel bad or cheap about giving you, even though you told him it's ok if he gets you something inexpensive. I wouldn't let yourself get upset about this for more then 5 minutes, especially if this is the first time he has let you down. Just talk to him and let him know that it's ok this time, no worries, that you still love him; but in the future to make a little more of an effort to get things done earlier. But we know how some guys can be. I'm sure my husband will wait till the very last minute to get my Christmas gift.

Answer 4

I don't think you do have that right, men are men. They don't think honey. My husband NEVER buys me anything for ANY holiday and on my birthday (mind you I have to remind him every year the night before that it is MY birthday) he gets up early and rushes around tring to find me something; last year I got a boquet of roses from my own garden lol. But I don't get mad at him, I accept it, because other than that he's a great man and a great father. So I just go out and buy what I want, hand it to him and say wrap it up and give it to me (mostly on Christmas do I do this). Men don't worry about such funny stuff as we do, they think mostly about how to support us and how to make sure we get what we want ourselves. It's how they're programmed. My advise is to cut him a break and take it as it is. Tell him you understand that he has a dick between his legs and you forgive him for not understanding the female race; it's ok and you'll figure something out for him to suprise you with.... then turn on the water works and he'll be upset and then (really sounds horrible I know but this works) he'll try harder all week (might not last much longer than that though) and he'll spoil you rotten promise.

Answer 5

U have a right to be mad at him 4 being inconsiderate and not very thoughtful, but not about the job stuff. My man is the same way, he doesn't think of special occasions until just before thay happen so i sometimes get the shaft. it is nice however that he wanted to get you tickets to a show or take u away for the weekend, rather than the usual girly gift of lotion and flowers

Answer 6

lovebluenfluff gotta tell u... I'm more worried on why u want to marry him?

Why do u want to spend ur best yrs w/guy that is stressing over a drug test with his employer? If he's using recreational or not drugs now... it doesn't get better, you can't change him.

Sounds like he can't afford the trip nor the Broadway show because HE DIDN'T PLAN which is why ur mad, and yes u have a right to expect your FUTURE MATE to care enough about U & YOUR RELATIONSHIP to put alittle thought to it.

Unless I'm missing something... u need to walk away from this one... and be glad it's only ur birthday he missed and not mess up your entire life!

Answer 7

Well...yes and no. It was my birthday last week and not only did my boyfriend forget, everyone else did, too! What I discovered in my anger towards him is that he is the kind of guy who needs to be reminded of special dates and hints at what I might want. It takes a lot of the fun out of my birthday to NOT be suprised by some random act of thoughtfulness on his part, but I'm sure you are with your fiance for more than birthday presents. My guy randomly brings me flowers, compliments me often, laughs at my jokes and leaves me little "I love you" notes all over the house, so I can't be too angry. If you communicate to him that it means A LOT to you to at least get some sort of recognition from him on your birthday (and believe me, I'm still kind of angry, too), he will try to accommodate if he really loves you. The two of you are engaged for a reason. I'm sure he's some great qualities if you want to be with him for the rest of your life :)

Answer 8

I would be pissed too but; the truth is: If you are going to marry this guy, you can probably expect last minute gifts for your birthday, anniversary, valentine's day...be grateful if he ever remembers at all! It's a guy thing, it's nothing personal. You should probably tell him that you are upset at the way he handled that. I wouldn't make too big a deal out of it, it's only your birthday. Do you want him or do you want a present? Now, if he forgets to show up for the wedding, you can rip his head off and everyone will understand.

Answer 9

You say you`re not concerned about the material goods, but everything you seem to be mad about is material. He didn`t forget your birthday, he just messed up. It isn`t his fault the show was sold out. You should be understanding, not angry.

Answer 10

Sweety, you are careing about the material things. Stop and look at what you wrote.

He at least tried. Your birthday, your making a big deal about it, really, you are.

I think the MOM"s of the world should be the ones who should celebrate the birthdays...........their the ones who went throught the pain.
Your selfishness is causeing your bf pain. IF his job is being stressful, stop and think of him a minute.

Answer 11

Be frustrated. Blow this off though. Tell him he must redeem himself next year. Women sometimes read too much into these things. When men drop the ball it doesn't always mean he doesn't care. Sometimes we get overwhelmed.

Next year, tell him ONE thing you really want and a couple of "nice to haves". Women work on anticipation, men work on specification.