my dad and my stepmom are getting divorced here within the next few months, she cheated on him, with one of his friends and right now she is at a hotel with the guy she has two kids, son-20, and daughter-15, and her son is married living at hom with his wife and the thought his wife might be pregnant. my dad hasn't eatten much to nothing all weekend, i just came down friday from my moms house and all my dad has been doing is, clean, chat on the internet, watch tv, and try to keep the house warm. what is something i can do to make him happy, i have been working my butt off cleaning the house, keep wood in the house, pickin up and everything. what can i do to make him smile again? Oh, and he said that if his soon to be ex-wife doesn't stop f*****g with her daughter (not calling, she even told her not the call her unless it was an emergency) then he was going to press charges against her for adultery. but yeah please help FAST!
2006-12-03 04:35:59 · 23 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can relate to dad. I'm in the same position! even though I am female.
The pain stays there until your body and mind tell you it's time to move on.
Sweety, it seems your doing all you can to be letting hm know your there for him
He should sue for all he can in the divorce.
Tell him to start chatting with cute ladies like me online. I bet he'll start smiling! :-)
2006-12-03 04:51:09 · answer #1 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sandy, I remember like it was yesterday when my stepmom left my dad for a drunken creep. The day after Christmas my dad came home from work to find 2 notes. One was on his pillow, the other on my half-brothers pillow.
He took it so hard he had a breakdown and couldn't even work for a few weeks. It turned my stomach to see him hurt so much. Every day for an hour or so I stopped by after I got off work .
All you can really do is be there for him should he need to talk or even just be in another room, so that he doesn't feel "totally empty". Time will have take it's course on this one.
But ya know what? Today my dad is happily married to a great lady and living on a ranch he built (one of his dreams) with 2 horses and the 2 dogs. They celebrated their 15th anniversary last May.
It is so hard when the only thing that can really cure this type of pain is time. But, for the most part things happen and usually for all the best reasons. Let your daddy know that you're "there for him".
2006-12-03 04:53:15 · answer #2 · answered by kolohe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, this is a tough situation that he is going to have to get through himself. Let him. Men deal with things like this differently. Right now he's gone to his "cave" to think...when he emerges he will be ready to be pampered...but if you bother him before he is ready he will not like it too much.
I suggest you make him a nice meal, bring it to him...in front of the computer if that is where he wants to be...and give him a big hug. Tell him "I love you, Dad," and then back off and do your own thing for a while until he approaches you. Don't try to talk about the divorce or his "soon-to-be-ex." He will talk when he is ready...right now he needs time to think.
Good luck...and don't worry! His smile will come back soon because as soon as he emerges from this funk he'll see his loving daughter was standing by him the whole time.
2006-12-03 04:42:58 · answer #3 · answered by dancing_in_the_hail 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is an extreamly touchy issue that most people answering have no idea what divorce is like. By the good grace of god i have two parents that love each other dearly and wouldnt even think about getting divorced. however i have been subjecated by this from freinds and other family members that have gone through divorce. i think if you havnt already set down with your father and talk to him, ask him what he sees in any other women as to why he wants to marry them. one reason why this has not worked out is because a second merrige with a women who has been divorced pre hand is more then 65% to end in a divorce much like this one. i would tell your father to move on. an old bag like her will just be jumping man to man to fill a "hole" that she has in her. she will soon find that trying to fill it with nothing but men wont work. i would say to your dad that now he has all the fish in the sea open to him, but i would suggest going and marrying someone who hasnt been married before, if that at all is possible.
2006-12-03 04:46:08 · answer #4 · answered by slaughterhousex 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing is to get out of the environment that triggers memories - Go for a walk - no matter how crappy it is outside - bundle up whatever - get him out of the house. Go to the zoo - because you can be walking around for hours and not really notice - exercise also releases endorphins - which makes you happy - and in a time like this - he's storing them up - that's why people who are depressed - all of the sudden get overly happy - and then right back in the hole - keep that endorphin flow going -
just keep him busy - because he's not going to want to do anything. And that's the worst thing he can do to himself - sit there and think of how miserable he is. Get him outside for a hike in the woods, go window shopping, walk to a local restaurant, take him to the mall and walk around in the warmth. All that walking will also give him an appetite. Good Luck
2006-12-03 04:46:53 · answer #5 · answered by Dustin S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is still in shock and maybe headed for a nervous breakdown.
It is good that he is chatting on the net. It gives him an outlet for his hurt from the situation.
I have a friend that went through the same thing with a woman he had planned to marry. What I and other of his friends told him was that he was better off with out her. It took him over 2 months to realize that was true.
Through the Internet dating sites he has found someone else and is happy again.
2006-12-03 04:46:47 · answer #6 · answered by Aliz 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just give him a big hug... daughters have direct strings to daddy's hearts and a hug will fill it up... not a whimpy.. hug.. but a hang on, fill the heart up hug, a kiss on the cheek and an I love you and that will make his day.....
remember, he is a big boy, he knows life a bit more and will do things a bit dif. then what you might do... be there for him but don't try to solve his problems, you can't do that no more so then he could probably help you with some of yours. We grow and learn from dif. situations, what is great is when someone you can count on is there.. actions speak louder then words and so far you are doing a great job. But he needs a hug...
2006-12-03 04:41:26 · answer #7 · answered by Maken trax 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your there for your dad that is great so do not stop. Your dad is very angry now and will be for awhile, he needs to work thought it. Maybe if he presses some charges or talks to a lawyer it will help, he will need proof though and then living in a hotel now is no proof they were together before. so be there for him and that is about all til he gets through the hate and anger, and pain of being crapped on.
2006-12-03 04:51:45 · answer #8 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you sweetheart. I respect for asking this question...shows you have much love for dad. It is something he is going to have to come to terms with on his own. But you are doing what you can. Be supportive as you have been. Let him know that you are there if he wants to talk about it. He may not, which is fine. But knowing you are there for support will help a lot. I'd say continue being helpful around the house. Try not to bad mouth your step mom in front of him...that usually doesnt help, but if he wants to...hey he certainly has the right. But you doing it wouldnt help. Otherwise he will have to deal with it..but not necessarily alone. Just let him know that. I think you primarily are...I think it's great you are so involved...Good luck
2006-12-03 04:42:44 · answer #9 · answered by tata_bigs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How terrible that you are privy to all the gory details of your father's current breakup. There isn't anything that you can do except be a daughter. Support your stepsister by being a good friend. If she wants to talk about her mother's insensitivity, be there to listen. As for your father suing your stepmother for divorce, the grounds don't really make a difference. Irreconcilable difference or adultry, the results are essentially the same, a divorce.
I think your father needs to work on his problems and stop sharing the details with you. Focus on just being a good daughter. It is your father's job to see to your emotional well being, not the other way around.
2006-12-03 04:44:06 · answer #10 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think the bottom line is the details of his affairs aren't yours to worry about....but you can let you Dad know you care and maybe suggest getting out of the house for a movie or something small like Dessert at a restaurant..."Let's go McD's Dad...I got a real craving..." Reminding him that there is Life after that lady and there is a great young woman in his life that Loves him. Should it worse where he is not eating or doing anything, you might talk to a close loved one to him on helping him through this time.
2006-12-03 04:43:25 · answer #11 · answered by Aphrodite 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋