Is this cheating? What should I do?

Question

My husband has been writing back and forth to a woman another state away. he found her through myspace and is very flirty with her...such as calling her babe and complementing her legs and saying things like "if i weren't married you would be in big trouble" this has been going onf or a week. we havea very happy marriage and have only been married for 2 months!!! he says he contacted her cause we had a fight one day and he wanted to feel better. he has apologized and cried and cried and even went so far to say he would kill himself if i left. he is very sorry and i dont think he would do it again. but i dont know what to do. and is this cheating? any advice would be helpful!!!!

Answer 1

That's a tough one 'cause it's not cheating per say but, it is the beginning of cheating, meaning it can & "will" lead to cheating if it's not snip in the bun right now. If you've been married for only "2 MONTHS" for crying out loud & that's what he decided to do after you two had a fight then, he was & is pretty immature to begin with. But now you're already married & after 2 months only, it's definitely not time to call it quits. It's time to sit down with him 'cause you know with men you must get their undivided attention 'cause their attention span is ridiculous. Sit with him & explain "thoroughly" how it makes you feel such as: betrayed, unloved, unattractive(complementing the woman on her legs). Let him know you want a faithful husband to the fullest & won't have anything less 'cause that's what u deserve. Girl, I've been married for 10 years now & there r things I wished I established from the beginning of our marriage. What ever u allow him to do in the beginning of your marriage is what you'll be stuck with for the rest of your marriage. You definitely deserve to be respected & ask yourself if another argument occurs then, what's to say he won't take it to another level with someone closer to home? Let him know that he wouldn't accept it from you & you definitely won't accept it from him. If he threatens to kill himself if you leave then, he is a coward who can't own his actions or take responsibility for his own actions. He did it, not you, so don't feel guilty & put his guilt on your shoulder, his little suicidal game. Believe me, it's a game. As you woman, you just got married & don't really know but, he is doing exactly what my husband did in the beginning, he is testing your boundaries. What ever you put up with now, he'll use in the future. Young men do that when they're testing their girlfriends loyalty by saying things like "if you love me you'll prove it(meaning sex)". Once you prove that then, they chase the next girl 'cause they're done with you. He did marry you but, doesn't quite know how much you'll put up with & the little crying that he's doing is to throw you off balance such as: oh he must love me to death to cry in front of me like that. That's bull. If he loved you to death, he'll respect you, the vows & knowing that he wants the same from you, he won't & wouldn't do it in the first place. So, good luck. Love him but, love yourself more 'cause besides God noone will love you better than you. PS. Are u kidding me? He says "if I weren't married you'd be in trouble?" That's a bold statement for someone who should be in love with his wife & want to die if she leaves him. He wants his cake & eat it too. Talk to your husband girl, it is too early in your marriage for such a statement, God bless.

Answer 2

It's borderline but anyone that says "If I weren't married...." isn't a kewl person at all...what he is actually saying is "I don't love my wife, but since I am legally bound to her and could lose everything..." get it?

His crying and threats of suicide are just plain scary. Pay no attention to either and if he threatens to kill himself again, have him committed. That's nothing more than a ploy to manipulate you and is NOT a good start to your marriage.

I'm sorry you're already having troubles...fights are going to occur...is he going to run off and find him some woman to cry to every time you two have a disagreement? If so, you're in for a pretty bumpy road...perhaps y'all should get some counseling together and try to avoid the issues that will otherwise pop up again in the future...

Answer 3

If this continues it will surely lead to trouble and grief. Ask yourself, would a healthy relationship need this kind of extra involvement? Does a new marriage need this to survive? Newly weds should be in eachothers face all the time for the first months of their lives, not on a comuter fantasizing about some other babe. Somethng is dreadfully wrong and needs prompt attention. Best thing to do here is rethink everything, see s councelor or cut the cord before it is too late. But either way act soon.

Answer 4

ahhh, thats sucks....i know how you feel. Ive been cheated on by a few men and I know men that talked to me on the internet that ended up being married. Here is an example: I started chit chatting with a guy from Alabama( I live in ohio) ...it started off as small talk .....but im telling you..smalll talk can turn big! WE ended up talking on and off for a few months and then he flew me out to alabama. WE hit it off....we even ended up having sex. Since then it was all good. We had a long distance relationship..over the phone and through email! I had no idea he was married!! He started coming to see me in ohio too. WE started to see eachother once a month. I was even going to move to alabama!! its a long story , but i ended up finding out he was married. Im the type of person that wont deal with that ****, so it was over. What Im saying is keep a very close eye on him . To put an end to it...tell him to get off of myspace to save your marriage. My boyfriend now....we have a myspace account together so there are no questions or doubts.

Answer 5

i only read the first three sentences, your husband is cheating in your face. why is he so disrespectful to you, i think you need to show he how that makes you feel when he is on myspace. you think you have a good marriage but it is only going to get bad as time pass. he is showing you now what you have forward to look for. and you, poor dear ,you are making excuses for him. do you really think you have a good marriage and when you two have words he run to his other woman for comfort. that is not a good marriage and it won't last because you are making excuses. you must be very young, you are so blind by your love. he is not blind at all. he sounds like my bother when he cheats on his wife, he cried more than his wife and apologizes and want to kill himself, it never happens. she was a lot like you. what you see is in him once he realize you will make excuses for him, he will continue to cheat and soon you will find yourself alone. i see now if you are not woman enough to stop him now, trust me you will end up alone. i would not be surprise if miss myspace don't have your husband by mid-next year. keep making excuses and see what happens, when it happen you keep in mind you did with your excuses.

Answer 6

That's a toughy. Atleast he's letting her know that he's married but he shouldnt be flirting or talking like that with other women. Ask him how he'd feel if you contacted some cute guy and said things like, if I didnt have a husband you'd be in trouble. He'd probably hate it. But, if you confronted him about it, and he's stopped doing it, then you're probably okay. If he continues doing it, I'd question him. I think you better watch out because it could develop into something if he keeps it up....and I think Pandora needs to re-read the question. And what the hell?! " act like a wife should" Pandora? Are you nuts? Not all women want to kiss their husbands ***, nor should we have to. What century are you from? How about HE, stop acting like its okay to flirt with women just because he got into a fight with his wife?? You're taking us a step back Pandora. You need to step out of the dark ages and realize that a woman doesnt have to stay home and cook and clean and kiss her husbands butt 24/7 in order to be acting "like a wife should" I'd expect that kind of crap talk from a man but you're a woman, you should know better. Shame on you.

Answer 7

Pandora, shame on you. You suck. He IS cheating. Would he do this with his wife around? He is already looking for solutions outside the marriage which never works. He si already dishonoring and violating the intimacy and trust. This marriage is doomed. Maybe you have low standards in men, and maybe your fear of abandonment issues causes you to make excuses for your own man'a behavior, but the rest of us would expect loyalty and trust in a marriage.

Oh, and since you're new, get a new name, something original. Maybe something that says something about you, like Doormat?

Answer 8

What the hell is wrong wtih you?
(read the killing part wrong..silly me...)So what he compliments another womean? He didn't marry that woman, did he? No! He married you! you do not trust your man in any way shape or form, and should not have gotten married. BUT, since the vows have been exchanged, you need to sit and tell him, CALMLY without any stupid girly emotions, that this is hurting you and you feel like number two in his world when he flirts with this women. If he cuts it out, then you have nothing to worry about. But if he DOES keep it up, you need to sit down and ask why he feels the need to flirt with this women.

And, he's not gonna say its about looks, or sex. Nope, i can bet 20 dollars on it. He's going to say something alone these lines "no baby, she doesn't act like a nut and get all jealous when i talk to other people. She doesn't belittle me, and she is making me feel more comfortable than you are" And guess what you need to do after he tells you that? Button your lip, suck it up, and act like a wife should. Keep the home in order, cook him good meals, compliment him on the little things...like "Thank you for washing the car" Or, hey, you did a good job on the lawn, would you like some water? (or fave drink)" Make him feel wanted, needed, loved and like your hero, and no women will stand a chance.


B UT you're not acting like that are you? I bet you think that because you're his wife now, that you have control and that little ring gives you all the power huh? Well sto being a jealous little bratt and fix this!!

Answer 9

Leave him for a week and see if he kills himself.

He won't - that's an asinine juvenile threat designed to control you. Tell him, "if I leave you it will be because you are cheating scum - you taking your own life will not reflect on me at all. And if you are really serious about taking your own life then we need to get you professional help now."

Then he'll say no he was just saying something drastic (but it is juvenile and controlling and weak).

But what he did is the prelude to cheating and it's best to end it now - heck you can probably get your marriage annulled as if it never happened. Cheaters cheat and his tactic of turning to another woman when you 2 disagree will NEVER EVER CHANGE. Guaranteed.

Sorry but it seems best to end it.

Answer 10

Is it possible that he somehow felt hurt by whatever happened during that fight?
Perhaps he felt threatened, so now he is trying to gain some emotional control over you by bringing in this other woman to make you feel jealous.
Threatening to kill himself if you left is just another form of control.

I would not be surprised if this type of behaviour continues.