Can you trust someone and not trust them at the same time?

Question

I feel confused at times, My husband wronged me in the past and I don't trust him a whole lot, But for some reason, I feel like i can trust him in general . Am i in the process of healing?

Answer 1

You either trust him, or you don't. There is no inbetween when it comes to trust.

You might trust your husband to take care of the kids when you're not around. You might trust your husband to go to work and bring home a paycheck. You might even trust your husband to stay by your side in timte of need. You, however, obviously don't trust him on the subject of pertaining to how you were wronged in the past.

After a violation of the fidelity clause (I'm just guessing) you can forgive, but you will always have the worry in the back of your mind; he did "it" once, he could do it again (he might not, but he has proven that he could).

So, my advice, let it go (you can't change it) and move forward. Assume it won't happen again. If it happens again, serve the papers and get out; no discussion. Letting it go and minimizing it's importance in your life will let you heal. Blame and anger (you might be past the anger) only serve to keep you down.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Sure. You can trust someone to run an errand, but you can't trust him around booze. You can trust someone with your checkbook, but not the ATM card in the nudie-bar district.

The real question is, when you tally all that up, do you have less you can trust him about than what you distrust him about? Is the distrust a big thing? You can't keep a marriage going if all you trust him with is how to fix appliances and pick up a few things at the store, right? If it's matters of the heart and he's broken it due to lack of trust, maybe you should not have him in your life. If it's fresh, maybe give it time and see if he can earn it back.

Answer 3

You are learning to trust him all over again. So, there will be times that you can trust him on smaller issues without thinking twice. Then there are the medium size trust issues that you hope he will do the right thing and then there are the larger issues that you are not able to trust him with.

Trust takes time, he may not understand that but you must in order to understand what you are going through and to understand what level of trust you are at so that you can move forward with trusting him with larger issues in the future.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

Yes it takes along time to heal! I still try not to put all eggs in a basket ,I believe strongly that you have no control over anybody and everyone is out for themselves.Yes u can trust in some areas but really wouldnt lets say put my complete self into what others do! Just take care of yourself first!

Answer 5

Yes, I believe you can trust them and not trust them at the same time. That is how I am with my husband. It's really not good for your relationship though, try talking to him and see if that helps the trust thing.

Answer 6

If your husband wronged you in the past I suspect it was an affair.

Rebuilding trust takes years, at four years after discovering my wife was in an affair I trust her in certian areas, and not in others.

We should never have blind trust in anyone, it's an invitation to pain. How I live my life now, whether its my marriage, my banker, or my doctor is simple...Trust...but verify.

Answer 7

My soon to be mother in law gave me some good advice...she told me if a man is gonna stray he's gonna stray no matter what, especially if that is what he wants...You might be in the healing process but then again you might be just plain confused...good luck

Answer 8

it's possable.
I feel when you don't trust them, the few times you feel you do, it's those times they have said nice things to you that touch your heart.
when those times are spread out, then the non trust is rushed back.

Good Luck, I do hope you are healing.

Answer 9

Simply, yes.

Answer 10

get real