regarding my question on my wife leaving me alone on thanksgiving?

Question

Hey thank you all for you responses . its funny i told her the exact same things in your responses. but this 1 is for doing it for her children. you know i love them also and would do anything to see them happy, but its 1 thing to take the children to see grandparents and spend 4 days with them on thanksgiving, i think thats wonderful, but it still leaves the fact that she felt like she had to lie to me about it and her knowing this all along and us reuniting she didnt bring it all out . now what i said is , lydia you could have atleast involved me to show the children that i am still apart of your life, and we could have drove together and dropped them off for those days (being 1 is 16 and other is 13, and we could have got a motel together down there and atleast been together and showing me that you want this marriage, and giving me reassurance,that clearly showes here using the children to justify her missing that family, my opinion

Answer 1

You know, I didn't answer your first question, but I read it and this one of course. And I'm not sure what to say. I do completely understand the fact that after you have this great time together and you discuss honesty and how it factors into making your marriage work she does this. On the other hand, if you've been separated for this period of time, and she'd planned to take the kids to see their grandparents, I also think that it's really not any of your business. And I don't mean that as harshly as it sounds. I just mean that she's going to do things on her own and with her kids that she really doesn't have a duty to discuss with you if you're separated. It's obvious though that she did try to keep it from you. That's the kind of thing that comes up in conversations regularly (what are your plans for the holiday,dear?). So the withholding of it doesn't really help her seem honest and committed to doing what needs to be done to make the marriage work.

Having said that, I think it's presumptuous of you to think that her alternative would be to take you with her and spend time with you being intimate or whatever in a hotel. She's clearly not ready to take a big step like spending a holiday with you, and in case things don't work out I'm sure she's hesitant to throw her kids into the mix with you and her when she probably doesn't know how she feels. So I'm pretty much on the fence, but I do agree you have a valid point about her keeping her plans from you, and not giving you a head's up so you knew not to expect to spend the holiday with her. I'm sure it was an unhappy one for you, and I hope future holidays are better.