My husband's new friend makes me uncomfortable--What do I do?

Question

My husband has made a new friend at work in the last couple months--Recently we went to a get-together (husband's work party) and this man and his wife were there, so I met them. They seemed nice at first just the guy is a little hyperactive. So we're all drinking and my husband has to go hang with everybody and I don't know anybody so I'm sitting at this table with these people and they talk and talk about all sorts of "teenager stuff" Then his wife brings up the time he "made out" with another guy to get in bed with another girl. I don't know what was going on or what they were thinking telling me this the 1st time they met me, but I just got up said "I'm out" and walked away. Then I was sitting at another table and they kept yelling across the room--come be sociable--I don't think they got it. I don't know if they are swingers or if he's bisexual or what but it made me very uncomfortable. And now they want us to come eat dinner with them and I don't want anythng to do with it

Answer 1

This is the kind of thing I think women are *always* right about - that initial gut intuitive feeling they get about people when it feels weird.

My suggestion is you *always* follow that feeling when it tells you something is wrong (It doesn't always work when something feels right, but it's spot on about weirdness, I find.)

It is completely inappropriate for this couple to be bragging about his bisexuality within 15 minutes of knowing you. They are completely unaware of the rules of normal society and your feeling is correct that they are screwballs. They probably use it as a test to see who is a freak they can orgy with.

It's best to say something now, rather than make excuses to avoid meeting these people then blurt it out three months from now. Just say they both made highly inappropriate comments and suggestions about swapping partners or having group sex and you have a terrible feeling about them, you don't want to share out your trim with this new guy's pecker, and that despite any other great aspects this guy has, you don't want to be around them socially. He should respect that and back your play without question.

*Edit* - By the way, I really take issue with responses like 'pandora' above me - these asinine annoying people get to trot out their sexual desires and orgy requests, but you can't be discrminating and you have to keep your opinions to yourself? F*ck that! If you walk up to me and feel the freedom to say to me, "I like humping donkeys", then I get to use the *same* *freedom* to tell you I think you are a disgusting pig.

Answer 2

Well, I say you just bite the bullet and give 'er a whirl! Who knows, maybe they can both show you a little sumpin'-sumpin' your hubby can't. I mean you never know with swingers these days. Are they at least attractive? I say if the dude has a big bulge(hint-hint) and the woman has a big rack I say GO FOR THE GOLD MEDAL AND TOSS SALAD! HOORAH!!!!
By the way the reason sis hasn't called is she's low on minutes!
I think you know who this is by now! Merry Christmas!!!!!
oh yeah- I almost forgot if the guy has kissed another guy then he might be sweetening his tea with "Fairy" Dust.

Answer 3

Hey nursgrad07,,

Sit down and tell your husband exactly what you encountered with this couple when he wasn’t present. This couple has a lifestyle, which is incompatible with you. (yah their swingers and he’s either gay or bi) Most likely they were “testing” you to see if you have that type of lifestyle or are at least interested. As you got up and left that should have been clear,,, “NOT INTERESTED” But they're either slow and/or dumb.

You need to have a real honest talk with your husband on this issue. He may or may not be interested in that lifestyle? And tell him exactly how you feel about it. Open honest COMMUNICATION,, cover ALL the bases !!

Answer 4

Maybe your husband is unaware or blind to what his new friend is really all about or maybe he is aware and instead of talking to you his self is more or less leaving it up to these new friends to feel you out. Either way I'd say talk to your husband, you need to know his views. If he does know about this new friend it could be his friendship does not extent to this persons beliefs in swapping or orgies at all, but just a friendship in general. Let your husband know they (the couple) makes you uncomfortable and that you have little or no desire to have further contact with them as a couple. I would never cross the line and tell him not to have a friendship with his new friend at work though, after all he may not approve of all your female friends either.

Answer 5

It sounds like they were testing the waters to see where you stand with that sort of thing.
You reacted badly. You let your fear dominate your behavior. You came off as unfriendly and unaccepting and judgemental.
You should have simply asked a few open-ended questions but volunteered nothing. keep your judgements and opinions to yourself.
You should talk with your husband when you two are alone. See what his position is.
What about the new friend makes you uncomfortable? Are you afraid they will proposition you? If you show them respect, then they will show you respect.
A person's sexuality dies not define who they are, so don't let your fear and perjudice influence your behavior. You can be friendly and accepting, and get to know them and see why your husband see them as friends.
Lighten up, honey, and chat with your man about it.

Answer 6

It your choice if you don't want to bow down to their tactics, There's a phase the elderly people say and that is birds of a feather folk together.

If that's not your cup of tea, then remain free.

I would most definitely express my feelings to my husband. And if for some reason he does understand your plight.

Drop to your knees and tell God all about how you feel and wait and look forward to an answer.

I wish you well

PS please don't nag your husband on and on and on about it. That's more trouble than it's worth, but keep your husband busy, be creative and do other exciting things together.

definitely not your type friends (swingers) for sure

Just stay on those knees. It's hard to stumble when you are on your knees

Answer 7

Tell your dunce husband the whole thing and how they make you feel in NO uncertain terms. He can like them all he wants too but he can NOT force you to like them. They sound weird and you don't need that in any amount, so tell your husband so there is no way that he will think that you might change your mind if you just get to know them..etc. be blunt and bold and straight to the point.

Answer 8

They are swingers and are trying to draw you into their circle. Follow your instincts. Make other plans for you and your husband. Don't be available. Say thank-you but we have other commitments. You aren't obligated to socialize with them. Don't be afraid to put the pressure on your husband either. Whatever you do ---Don't encourage him to go out with them on his own. If he never does it ; he won't miss it. However, once he starts it will be difficult for you to stop it. Who knows what they will come up with while you aren't there. They'll give up and move on as long as your husband and you don't encourage them outside of work.
Good Luck!

Answer 9

Did you talk to your husband about this? If not then do it, tell him what happened and how you feel. Let him know that you are not comfortable around them because of the conversation they were having. Or if your husband thinks you are overreacting then let him find out for himself.

Answer 10

To me, it means they are swingers, or their trying to let you know that hubby and him have had a thing.....hummmmm

I think I'd just decline the invite. If these folks are swingers and become pushy about it, it could lead to rape. I'd stay away from them.