Who here is unthreatened by their children's natural drive towards autonomy(saying"no", refusing to do everyth

Question

ing that you say? Who hear celebrates their children's true individual character, instead of wishing to change them into compliant servants of those "at the top"?

Answer 1

I agree with you. There has to be a balance somewhere where a child is obedient to their parents and elders, BUT, they do not lose their autonomy.

I feel we spend their whole growing years training out of kids the very qualities we admire in successful adults.

Like I said, there has to be a balance somewhere between "bratty child" and "strong independent child".

Answer 2

We all know autonomy has to happen, and it's a sign of healthy development. It can even be amusing. But that is not the only reason children use the word "no." It also has a very large effect on the adults around them. In fact, it may be the first social act of toddlers. They can drive two mature adults into paroxysms of desperation by simply saying "no!" at the appropriate, or inappropriate, moment. It is their first sense of real power over their parents and others.

So let's take it as a "blessing" with a few really exasperating consequences. And don't make too much of that very early drive to autonomy. Much too soon they they will tend to parrot every absurdity said by their friends.

Answer 3

Having grown up in a house where my father was threatened by everything we did in our effort to become our own people, I made the decision early on that I would fight that urge when I had my own kids.
Now that I am a mom I still feel a little twinge when my 16 year old son asserts himself in a direction that I might not have chosen if I was doing the choosing, but I constantly remind myself that he is his own person and he is becoming himself, not just an extension of me. And he is doing great!!