My husband is a wonderful husband. Hard worker and very loving. We have 5 kids and he goes fishing/hunting every weekend. I work full time for the school board and he drives a truck. He gets home about an hour before me. I have the kids when he goes off. He doesnt go all weekend but part iof it. I know hw loves me and the kids but I dont get any free time for myvself. I deal with both of our ex spouses and all custody issues. (His kids live with us too) Are kids range from 3-9 years. We have 2 with severe ADHD, 1 with parasomnia (a severe sleeping disorder), and 1 with autisum...This is enough to make even the best of parents go nuts! I have mentioned before to maybe slack down on this but he doesnt see anything wrong with it. Like I said he is a great father and deserves some free time but I feel like I do to. When he does come home though I still ahve to grocery shop and run errands that is to hard for me to do with the kids...That is how I usually end up spending my free time. Why?
2006-12-03 02:58:25 · 17 answers · asked by nekiawhitaker 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry hon......I also have a child with ADHD, Aspergers, acute anxiety and is Bipolar with phycotic features. In one little kid not a whole bunch of kids. My hubby does the same things once in a while. But I got to the point where I just made plans and told my hubby that i was doing it and I wasnt taking the kids. But I gave him a weeks notice and even reminded him through out the week. So he had no excuses. that day came and he ended up having to goto a meeting at work that lasted 8 hours. I was hot and called him in the middle of him meeting and went "NUTZ" on him got so mad I was shaking and crying when I was talking to him. I informed him that if he wasnt home within 30 min. I was leaving and not taking the kids with me...( I would never actully do this though, I would have gotten a sitter at least) ...so they would be home alone. He was home in about 40 min....even calling me on his way to inform me of when exactlly he would be walking in the door and he was here.
GL to you hun, I went to extremes and I hope you dont have to......but YOU HAVE TO let him know that your getting to your breaking point, and he NEEDS to help you a little more...PS my hubby is a truck driver too...
E-mail me maybe we can help each other with our children....suggestions and such or even just someone to talk to...im a great listener..lol
2006-12-03 04:23:56 · answer #1 · answered by StReSsOuT 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is either not seeing the bigger picture or doesn't want to see it(the latter would be my guess) He is being incredibly SELFISH. You have every right to some down time and every right to ask for it. You are being saddled with the lions share of responsibility while he galavants every weekend. How is that working for you? Yes.....WHY are you doing this is a very good question. He must step in with a regular schedule to assist you......because you will burn out, if you haven't already.
I am sorry you have to deal with this alone. Perhaps print what you have written here and hand it to your husband as you exit out the door on your way to a pampering appt. Do not look back as you walk to the vehichle. Let it sink in with him. He does this to you.....maybe what he will respond to is some of his own medicine. A bit juvenille perhaps but at this point I think you need to dish out the shock treatment.
2006-12-03 03:51:32 · answer #2 · answered by Janet 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very good question!!! My nephew just left his wife with 4 kids ages 5 and under for a week so he could go hunting.
If your husband goes every weekend, see if maybe you can take one weekend a month off by yourself while he stays with the kids. Or, maybe a night or 2 during the week. Good luck
2006-12-03 03:24:07 · answer #3 · answered by I love winter 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe he doesn't realize how stressful this is for you. i have the feeling that he sees you as his "life saver"... this strong, confident, super great, perfect, lady in shining armour... he wouldn't know what to do without you, and surely he is insanely grateful that you are around keeping things together for him so that he can go hunting and fishing... he probably sits out there and feels so releived and relaxed that he can get time away.
however, he is not letting it register that you need time to just do nothing as well. grocery shopping forces you to keep thinking about the kids and the house, their likes and dislikes... it is not relaxing or enjoyable just cuz you are alone....
book a massage or a scrap booking class or whatever it is that you might want to do... book it for a time when you know he will be home, and let him know that you will be going out for a bit to take some time for yourself. if he doesn't get it, then explain that he goes fishing etc... at his liesure and you need time for yourself as well.
sounds like you have a great husband, so just open his mind to what he hasn't see yet. :)
♥
2006-12-03 03:06:59 · answer #4 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband is the same way sometimes. Try suggesting he teach the kids hunting and fishing. We have 10 and 8 year old girls that adore their dad. If he likes hunting and fishing so do they!!! They love the time with him. He only take one of them at a time so they get that one on one time.
2006-12-03 03:03:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because hes a typical selfish man who only cares about his wants and needs. I go through the same **** and i think most women do. THats just how men are unfortunatley. They are trying to drive us into the ground faster than need be. We are the ones who holds the families together and takes care of EVERYTHING....but we get no appreciation at all. or time to ourselves.
2006-12-03 03:01:53 · answer #6 · answered by michelle 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I want to suggest you read the book "Wild at heart" by John Eldredge. It is excellent and explains men to you, when you read that you will understand your man better and leave him be and even encourage him to take time out, even though you yourself need time out. When you do, they wonder why you are sending them out! They also appreciate you more.
Oh and for the woman there is the book written by his wife Staci called "Captivating". I had a similar problem to you and once I read these both, I understood. I wish we had read that years ago, and if I can suggest it to you now and it helps you, I will feel that even though I didnt read that early enough in my life at least I have saved a marriage for someone else. We are back together again!
2006-12-03 03:05:42 · answer #7 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Your man is as great as you think he is. He is failing as a spouse & as a father. He goes on his own because HE CAN! You are a victim just one time, after that you are a VOLUNTEER. Would 50/50 free time seem more fair on weekends?
2006-12-03 03:04:33 · answer #8 · answered by ibeboatin 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would love to know the same thing I was reading this thinking did i write this and not remember(haha) This is exactaly my life as well,I will be looking for answcers as well Good Luck to us Both
2006-12-03 03:41:37 · answer #9 · answered by chase 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You never trained him well. You dropped the ball, so to speak, early in the marriage. It is a part of the marriage vows in small print and you apparently did not read it.
2006-12-03 03:05:59 · answer #10 · answered by neutral 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋