I have a 19 yr. old son doing B.Com 1st year (Correspondence) b'coz didn't admission in regular college. Not sincere in studies, doing nothing to enhance professional qualifications, worries me a lot about his future. Never helps in household chores even though I am working, husband spends nothing (being property dealer I never know about his earnings), I feel too sad and depressed looking about my future life also.
Can anybody tell me, especially what does a 19 year youth think. He never wake up on his own. What can I do to motivate him so that he can lead a respectful life. I have seen a life full of sufferings be it physical, financial, emotions everywhere. I don't want my son to feel depression ever in life which is quite possible seeing his activities nowadays. Plz. serious suggestions only.
2006-12-03 01:52:21 · 25 answers · asked by indianrj 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This a common problem with all the youth of our country (India) they lethargic non serious irresponsible think their parents have resources & they can enjoy it. You have talk to your husband regarding this & make him to understand the seriousness of the situation & let him make your son work along with him so that he may learn & know the world properly. Its not necessary for all to go in for professional courses as their is scoop otherwise also for youth to take up job either outside or with their parents as the case may be ,they learn the technique of the trade while working & expertise accordingly. Mind you kids dont listen to parents nowadays they have to be told strictly to behave otherwise leave the house, it may seems very bold step but you have to give them bitter dose to make them realise their responsibilty.As a mother you definately have a soft corner for your kids but this soft corner can be harmful for them in long run so become strict with him.Even make him to do household cores for you like shopping etc.If he refuse dont give him meals. I always believe in the old saying " Spare the rod & spoil the kid".
2006-12-03 16:27:23 · answer #1 · answered by bisexualmale s 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Part of the explanation for his behaviour lies in your question itself - your son lacks motivation. I don't know the exact reason for his lack of motivation. It may be that he has never tasted success in anything that he has done thus far. In that case parents can try to motivate him by offering him incentives for his achievements. Alternately cut some of his allowances or perks for his failures or lack of application. This is the carrot and stick policy.
It seems that as parents, you or your husband have not really given him your personal attention in his growing years. I may be wrong of course. But if both of you had been more attentive to his performance and behaviour, he probably wouldn't have lacked the enthusiasm which he so obviously does.
I would suggest another approach. Your son is 19 and hence an adult. He hasn't fared too well in his education. While it is very important for him to finish his graduation, you can engage him in some productive work. Something which keeps him engaged and also provides him with some sort of earning, however small, at the same time. He may work with his father in his business. Own income and attendant responsibilities can often come as an incentive and change a person's outlook.
Finally, please don't despair. A lot of parents of growing children face similar problems. Behave positively while dealing with your son. Show interest in little things he does. Engage him in positive activities - yoga, art - anything that enthuses him. Your behaviour will affect him a lot, for better or for worse. I wish your son every success in his life and I'm sure he will bring the smile back to your face.
2006-12-03 02:38:30 · answer #2 · answered by Modest 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your problem is faced by 1000s of parents worldwide - even we at home have such an youngster - we had patiently told him of his behavior - to no avail. one day he found a job for himself which he liked and nowadays one can't find a more responsible boy. he is still lethargic, but since he is on the mend, we dont mind it for now.
similarly, get ur son a job or egg him on to find one - i am sure he will turn around soon. boys are alwasys a problem but only with patience u can treat them. the first thing is to put in his mind his contribution to the family, how u can live better such things... do not let it sound as a condition or order - make him see reason - u can see a brand new son if u succeed. first of all stop his pocket money and secure all sources like handbags, purses from he could get money - give him only shen he needs to attend interviews.......
2006-12-04 21:34:16 · answer #3 · answered by krishna i 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Introduce him to something useful and could develop his personality and motivate him to aspire for more, like allow him to join civic oriented organizations, enrol him in a karate class, or let him join the local youth cricket team, baseball team, basketball team, give him books to read, especially self help books by Dale Carnegie, reward him for any job well done. Let him realise that his future lies in his hands. Never say disparaging remarks about how lazy he is. Instead focus on his positive traits no matter how small it is. I am sure he has one. Be positive in your approach. Sooner or later he will come back to the right track just be supportive and keep trying and always do these things with LOVE.
2006-12-03 04:37:31 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I also have an 18-year old son. But like your son, mine has little interest in anything. We coddle them too much sometimes and right now he is in a comfort zone. Be sure he understands the true value of money and how it helps not only your current household, but how it will help him when he's ready to take on the world on his own. It is time for tough love. You will have to tighten the ship at home and shake up his zone.
2006-12-03 02:01:23 · answer #5 · answered by Houston Hopeful 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It happens when we pamper our children. We always want that they should not suffer what we did, but it really doesent like that. We got to expose them to the rigours of thr life. First you got to check what are his activities and then motivate him to take up some job along with the studies. May it be a little earning but it will create a sense of responsibility in him and he will come to know that what a life is in a practical work. Try this.
2006-12-03 02:09:46 · answer #6 · answered by Paassion 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Done feel bad about life. Everybody whether he is rich or poor, famous or infamous suffer one or the other time.Dont let loose your mind. Despite hurdles in life, we should come up - Have a determination and by cheerful. Look at the pleasant things in life.
Take your son to some new place or to your friend's house. Try to counsel or convince him about life. Some or other day he has to take care of himself.
Otherwise put him in a residential school where he can learn his mistakes by observing his classmates
2006-12-03 02:02:24 · answer #7 · answered by gauri s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont get depressed/let ur wife only talk to him/ n persuade him to be little responsible towards the family. Ignore for some time n let him feel that u r angry n worried/Tomorrow is always another day. Invite good family friends to ur house very often n discuss general financial issues while he is around/ Dont make him concious n let him hve his way for sometime atleast. This will solve ur proble. R
2006-12-03 23:44:25 · answer #8 · answered by raashi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's had it very easy his whole life and needs some responsibilities. If you are giving him money then make him start earning it. If he wants to live in your home then he must help around the house or pay for living there. Just tell him that nothing in life is free forever and it's time for him to group up and start being responsible.
2006-12-03 02:01:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have been letting him get away with being a child for far too long. Sit him down, tell him what you are telling us and then give him an ultimatum...if he does not get serious about his future, then he has to go! Give him a timeline to show you that he is doing something positive..get his grades up, find a job, help around the house..and if he doesnt get the message...tell him he has to go! He will shape up when he knows you are serious!
2006-12-03 01:58:04 · answer #10 · answered by Phoenix 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋