Wifely Duties Men reply?

Question

My husband and I have owned "our" bar for month now. He manages, I do the accounting. Everything is going well, with one exception. He does not want me at the bar. He says he doesn't want a bar wife. Which I don't want to be in the least bit, Just be able to go to "our" bar if the baby goes to his grandma's every once in a while, and enjoy seeing our accomplishment. His case is that he is the boss and it is unprofessional that his wife is there. I have been very excited in our new endeavor and just because I want to go every once in while "i'm a bad mother", or "the house isn't clean enough". Before anyone tells me he is cheating. STOP. I just want to know if how he feels is a legitmate way for men to feel "and let him be a man for once" or is some double standard Bu)) Shi#. I would like somes ideas to end this never ending dispute with him.

A "bar wife" is my husbands terminology of a wife that goes to bars all time. Instead of being "at home".

Answer 1

you should just pop in once in a while,,,not often just very randon visits,,dont set a pattern,,so he cant figure it out,,,keep him guessing,,,it will keep him straight

Answer 2

I don't believe it is a legitimate way men feel. It might be a due to a sense of insecurity - maybe you are an incredibly hot woman and he might not want to handle situations where he has to be looking at his bar customers staring or making comments or even making passes at you. It is the fear of that helplessness usually that might have made him to decide that you don't visit the bar.

A few things might help. If the customers are regulars for the most part, maybe you guys can go around the tables together and introduce each other as husband and wife and in the business together.

Or you could go there with a few friends of yours as customers while he's managing it one evening and show some PDA by going behind the counter and giving him a big hug and a kiss.

Anything that he'll still feel he's "the man" and that'll lessen his anxiety of dealing with an odd customer that make a pass at you while you're there.

Answer 3

Are you a bad mother and housekeeper?? If not you need to realize something. Your husband may be making up excuses to keep you out of the bar. Why? You automatically assume that someone is going to "tell you he is cheating." If infidelity has been a problem before then you have reason to think this but if he has never cheated before dont jump to conclusions. Every man out there is different in so many ways but we do at least understand how other men think. I personally wouldn't mind my wife doing what you are asking about but then again I've never been put in that position. Look at your relationship. Have you ever given him reason to doubt you before? Is there some reason why he wouldn't want you to "hang out" at YOUR bar. Ever had problems with alcohol, flirting, or any other situations that you would encounter in the bar? What does he consider a "bar wife?" The main thing to remember is that different personalities and experiences decide how a man feels about things. Concentrate on eliminating the excuses before he can use them. Use your womanly ways to put a smile on his face and then mention to him that you were going to be dropping by later. See if he has as many objections then. The double standard b.s. is very common in the world today too so you may just have to deal with it. Only the two of you can work this out. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

I think your husband has found it a bit difficult to adequately explain his reasons to you for preferring you not be at the bar. It certainly may appear to be a double standard but I'm sure he loves you and just doesn't want you exposed to people getting a bit sauced and listening to flirting people who have had a few too many drinks and that sort of thing even though your likely to handle yourself quite well , it may make him uncomfortable. Also occasionally an overly boisterous customer may need ejected from your establishment and he certainly wouldn't want you in harms way and you may find it difficult if not impossible to jump into the fray in his defense , or he may have that feeling. Perhaps a compromise would be to visit during closed hours when just the two of you could be there and reflect on your accomplishments and enjoy a little quiet time. I hope I've added a few idea's worth discussing with your husband , I understand your feelings of wanting to share more in this experience for the two of you. Endeavors such as this don't come easy and it is quite an accomplishment for the two of you. I wish you continued success and just talk it over a bit more to calm one anothers misgivings . Good luck to you !

Answer 5

I think that it is a double standard. Let me tell you my situation, so that you can avoid things in the future. My parents bought a bar about 5 years ago. My mom ran the bar, and my dad was there on weekends a lot. Part of being a bar owner is socializing with your clientele. My parents would kind of go there separate ways in the bar, so that they could reach out to more people. Everyone knew that they both owned the bar, so at first this seemed okay. After about four months, people started spreading rumors that my mom was cheating on my dad. I was working at the bar, and was there with my mom about 90 percent of the time, so I know this was not true. These rumors got to my dad, and for about the first year, he did not believe them. I will tell you, there are some people out there, that their goal in life is to play games with others' feelings and make other people's lives miserable. These people kept trying to convince my dad that my mom was cheating, and their marriage started to get strained. Soon my dad started to believe that my mom was cheating, and he eventually ended up having an affair, which ultimately ended their marriage. The two previous owners had gotten divorced, and that is how the bar had ended up for sale the last two times. Right now, the new owners have had the bar for about a year, and they are now starting to have marital problems. My advice to people is that if you do want to own a bar, hire someone to manage it for you, and don't spend more time their than you absolutely have to. It is just as cheap to pay yourself to run it as it is to pay someone else to do it. Also, realize that there are people out there that like to play games, don't fall into their traps. Do not ever drink while you are there, and don't think that your customers are your friends. In no other business do you have to socialize with customers, why would you here as well? To me it is unprofessional to be seen drinking in your place of business also. In my opinion though, buying a bar is a curse on a marriage.

Answer 6

The every once in a while should be ok. Every now and then us a work stop and drink a few as a group. If evry now and then ones other half shows up after bout an hour then it is ok and they just have plans for later. But it should not be a regular thing wher everyone fels like she is giving you a time limit or it is a regular thing.
You might also ask if he has a bit of jealousy. Has some guys been telling him that if he had a wifey like that at home....... . I would think at closing time some nights it would be nice to have you around.

Answer 7

My man was working as a dj in a bar,,,and the owner wanted me to bartend,,of course i didnt want to it wouldnt make me feel comfortable. But my man was ALL for it because he was there and if anything was to occur he would be able to handle it. Hes very confident of me and if anything he loves to see a man want something he cant have.. I dont know what your man thinks would happen or why he would think any bad of you because you were working at a bar. Either you two figure something out together about what the issues are or you are just going to have to deal with it i guess. Some men think they can just run everything and everyone. But congrats on your new bar,,and i hope all works out with you.

Answer 8

Since it is a joint endeavor, you have not only the right to go to the bar once in a while but go as often as you like. You don't have to stay all night and that would not make you a bar wife even if you would. I would tell my husband that he's not my keeper, we're a team and as a team treat me as an equal.
He's in the dark ages.

Answer 9

If you own the bar together, it is half yours. You have every right to go there and see what's going on. He likes the big macho "I'm in charge" thing and hasn't probably told anyone you are the co-owner. Also, he doesn't want the regular drunks to see you and make passes at you, no doubt. You need to have an overdue talk with him. about this and tell him that if he doesn't want a joint venture, he can hire an accountant, and get another financial partner. You can then get another part time job elsewhere where you can meet all kinds of interesting people. If he continues down this macho "me big chief" path, I'd suggest marriage counseling. He doesn't seem like a "partner" to me. He wants to control you.

Answer 10

He's completely out of order. If the bar is partly owned by you then you have as much right to turn up there as he does. Him saying that you there is unprofessional is unacceptable. Is he ashamed of you or does he have some other reason for wanting you off the scene?

You have to sit him down and TELL him that this is a joint enterprise and that you will turn up when you want. If he still doesn't want it tell him that he can pay for your services there and at home.

Good luck. You're right and he is just wrong.

Answer 11

I can see him having a business to support his family. A lot of times men do business that maybe they don't like that much.
Say like in the military? But I definitely wouldn't want my wife there. NOt in a bar, not because I am tempted to cheat but to protect her from the inviroment. Some guys want women in the military I wouldn't , I would want to know my wife is safe.
How could I do my job if I was worried about what was going on at home or with her, I agree with your husband. Sorry if that isn't what you wanted to hear.