He will buy me something and be really nice, then turn around and do something like deliberately blowing bad breath on me (I hate that) and when I confront his rudeness he denies it or does more of it until it's obvious he wants a fight.
I will ask him if he is upset about the gift or doing something for me and he will tell me profusely that he wanted to do the something or for me to have the gift and he isn't mad or wanting to fight.
He will blow bad breath on me or 'accidently' break something or if he has the opportuinity...call me from his cell while we are talking on land lines and when I answer call waiting he hangs up, or he will have someone else call and hang up. He goes out of his way to be a pain and then deny it and try and cover it up only to do it again!
I thought it was immaturity but after all these years I'm thinking something else.
I need imput on my thoughts as he has really stepped up his behaviour and is being more abusive and intollerable. How to deal with it?
2006-12-03 01:25:11 · 10 answers · asked by Knuckledragger 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Passive aggressive behavior. Study up on it. It is not you, it is him. Don't take responsibility for his behavior. Choose not to be abused. Find outlets. There are a lot worse things than not being married, and we all deserve to live in peace. Been there done that. You can't fix him. HE is responsible for his behavior and ignoring it makes it worse. Set limits and stick to them no matter what - read the book Boundaries by Cloud. You deserve to be treated with respect, and you're better off alone following your own beat than putting up with that. Get counseling to give you strength.
2006-12-03 02:10:10 · answer #1 · answered by TK1955 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he may have a learning disability. (Get your laugh here..., now seriously....) Seriously. Without professional intervention you will never know.
Odds are he can't help what he does. You have to be the one to maintain control for him. When he does the bad breath thing, get up an leave the room. Go take a bath, or do laundry, or wash the car. Don't say a word.
Put away anything that can accidentally be broken. Buy paper plates and use them. Ignore the other phone when you are on the other line. Period. Or just turn the cell off when you're home. (You're supposed to turn them off every once in awhile anyway).
Do not address his behaviors and allow him coversation regarding them. Leave the room.
You may want to seek out some professional help for yourself if he won't go. See if the doctor/psychiatrist/counselor can give you a diagnosis. Then you have something to work with.
2006-12-03 10:59:46 · answer #2 · answered by Puresnow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Deep down, he hates you about something.
Tell him you've had it and unless he [1] stops the juvenile pranks and [2] tells you why he hates you, you are leaving. Then start packing your bags and of course have somewhere set up beforehand to leave to.
What an a$shole this jerk is.
Yet, you picked him. Is your internal jerk-o-meter broken? You are the one who fell in love with him - did he hide all this stupid juvenile sh*tty behavior from you before the marriage, or did you think it was "cute" back then? Honestly I think women who say "My husband is a jerk" are a hoot - well hunnie *you* picked him so that makes you Queen of the Jerk Lovers.
Either you are a terrible judge of character and should rely on your friends to tell you if the next guy is an a$shole, or you overlooked his boorish behavior but were aware of it when you married him. If that's the case, then who is more immature - the immature retard who "breaks" things and farts on his wife, or the immature doofus who thinks it's cute and then gets tired of it?
Tell him his spiteful behavior is a complete deal-breaker and you are ending the marriage unless he comes 100% clean about his angry feelings towards you. A$sholes who always say "geezus it's a joke, lighten up" are extremely bitter and frustrated about something. It's not your job to discover it - it's his job to inform you of it.
But if he denies denies denies, you by god better have a place to go or he will be convinced you are all talk and no action so it will get worse. He sounds like a complete idiot. Work on picking a better guy next time, or recognizing the signs of jerkiness.
2006-12-03 10:42:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think immaturity is correct. He sounds resentful for some reason that only he knows, it's obvious that you don't. If you're asking him and he's not being honest it's going to be very difficult to get to the bottom of it. I'm not sure I could deal with that kind of behavior at all. Maybe it's time you stepped up to the plate and confronted him with direct questions each time he does something that you know is blatantly manipulative. Tell him that you won't tolerate it. Draw a line and then stand by it.
2006-12-03 09:31:03 · answer #4 · answered by Lori E 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You "thought it was immaturity", so that means he was doing things like this before you were married?
You married this guy despite his obvious treatment and manipulations, so that shows pretty poor judgement on your part.
He's not going to change, and I'm sure you've put up with this so you can b*tch to your friends about how much of a jerk he is, and how noble you are to endure such a guy.
Leave him.
2006-12-03 10:41:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are we married to the same man? Mine does very similar things. And tho this is very hard to do, ignore him. I usually go to the computer, put my headphones on and ignore him until he goes away.
Last night he followed me into the computer room and constantly tapped me on the shoulder telling me to do things....things he normally does (chores) but wanted to bother me. He waits until he gets a rise out of me. Then he backs off....and denies that he ever did anything. It's annoying. Sometimes I wish I had the nerve to either kick him out or just leave....I've been dealing with this for 8 years and it has never got any better....wonder if it ever will....
2006-12-03 11:35:29 · answer #6 · answered by tikizgirl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Many people fill up their energy at another person's expense. They feed off of other's in a mental way. It elevates their sense of control and power and drains the other. In order for you to regain control of your energy and power, hit the road now before you no longer have the power to do so.
2006-12-03 09:31:53 · answer #7 · answered by jenneve 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long are you going to tolerate his abusive behavior? He is mean, disrespectful, immature and scary.....If I were you, I would get a restraining order, kick his butt out, call a lawyer and get a divorce ......good luck and stay safe
2006-12-03 09:33:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is trying to buy your favor and affection, you don't show enough of it, be a little more depended on him, be more submissive, and he will stop when you hit the right levels of these things.
Or you can just dump his nasty a$$
2006-12-03 09:30:20 · answer #9 · answered by brp_13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe Miaya Angelo said it best "If someone shows you who they are... Believe them." With that I'm not gonna feed ya lines you know in your heart what you want to do. So follow it as hard as it might be.
2006-12-03 10:34:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋