How do you deal with this?

Question

My wife doesnt approve my intention to still give financial support to my mother. I have spoken to her about this matter many times but it only leads us to heated arguments or she's giving me cold treatment. Shall I explain the matter to my widow mother that I cant do it or help her still and just keep it secret from my wife?

Answer 1

Why does your mom need help? It would help to know why she needs financial help. Your wife sounds really angry, perhaps she thinks your mom is taking advantage of you in some way. Are you making your family go without some necessities because you give your mom too much?

Its too easy in this instance to say your wife is insensitive. I need to know more about it. How old is your mother? Is she ill? Does she work? What is the financial assistance for? There is more to this story than you're telling.

Answer 2

Well, you should never keep secrets from your wife. That will only to lead to a worse argument. DO NOT LIE. Keep doing what you're doing, but just don't do so much. If it's putting you guys in a bind financially, then your mother will understand. Giving your mother what she needs is what you're supposed to do. Our parents give us so much growing up, now when they are needing help, we are the ones that should give it. It sounds like your wife may be jealous. But she could be just scared that you guys will be put in bind with $$$, so make sure you can balance the two well.

Answer 3

Don't keep anything secret, that's not good.
As far as your mother - that's your mother! She carried you in her womb for 9 months, birthed you and raised you until you left the house. She was there for you when you were sick, in need, cold, hot, hungry, tired, banged up, crying, laughing, having bad dreams, and needed help with your homework. She provided for you for 18 years at least. Your wife - does she have a mother? Maybe her relationship with her mother isn't like yours so she's jealous. Or she's jealous that your mother is getting money that your wife feels could be spent on her, or things around the house.
If you need to help your mother, help your mother. I know it's your wife but blood is thicker than water. She should be more understanding.

Answer 4

ERM..... big problem should you llie to your wife.. probly not the best of ideas lies always unravel in time and if she finds out if you can lie about something like that then she'll be wondering if you can lie about anything else... secondly should you turn your back on your own mother noooooo!! because she is your mum at the end of the day sit down with your wife and sort an arrangement sum of money that youll be handing over... do not fall out with your family because of others

Answer 5

I have not seen HIM(GOD)....
But why do I require HIM (GOD)....
Oh mother ! If you are with me, what is GOD for me...
That is mother...
If I come to your present case, is it necessary for you to get the approval of your wife to support your mother. It is your responsibility to look after your mother. Just think, when you are a helpless child how your mother took care of you if all respects... washing when you are dirty...feeding when you are hungry...shaping your future...and where is your wife ? what you are to-day is because of your mother and I believe a mother is nothing but reincarnation of GOD...treat and look after her with dignity...How many sons will have the devine opportunity of serving their mothers...you are fortunate to have such opportunity. I feel your wife must be selfish...if you are brave, if circumstances arises, leave your wife and look after your mother and where as if you are not help your mother and keep it a secret from you wife. I pray GOD for your bravery. ( Sorry friend I turn emotional at the very mention of MOTHER...as I never had an opportunity to look after her...as she is no more )

Answer 6

This is very unfortunate, personally, I feel your wife is being very selfish. If you giving your mother assistance is not interfering with your household as far as your living arrangements. Your wife is not dealing with having to do without. Give her this alternative, if you do not assist your motherr, she will need to move in so she can live safely and happily. That is your mother for goodness sakes. I have always said if you find a man who loves his mother, you have found a good man. I think I would just put my foot down and explain to her that she is not doing without, you love your mother very much, and she is obviously in need of your assistance. If this is such a problem you can move mother in to the house and lessen the burden of the finances going to her. And she will be living with you and you will not have to worry about your mother. It is a horrible shame your wife is so distraught over you assistance to your mother. I have no other advice to offer other than tell your wife you will stop the assistance and you mothe will have to move in so she can live comfortably. Unfortunately, within our society we don't care for our elderly and find this suitable as other cultures do. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 7

Does it harm your marriage financially? No? explain to your wife the loyalty you have for your mother. Yes? you need to consider other options for supporting your mother. Bless you for being a good son, most won't even call after being catered to years by dear ol mom. I'm married to a spoiled mommas boy who wont call unless I nag and make him feel what she must be feeling.

Answer 8

First, you never cover up. When the wife finds out, she will explode.

Second, I would face the situation, stating that this is what is going to happen and you will not abandon mom.

(Question. Are there other siblings that can help with this? That could go some way to alleviate the tension)

Answer 9

you should help your Mom, and tell your wife--that if it were her parents you would expect her to do the same. Do not keep it a secret from her, that will only cause more problems, Tell your wife -you feel it is your right to help your Mom and you are sorry that she disagrees with that, and you hope she will have enough respect for you to allow you to do this without anymore disagreements about it. --

Answer 10

Your wife has to understand that your mother needs the money. It would be different if it was your cousin or sister. But this is your mother, Let her know why you are giving her the funds, she has to understand.