i dont want a divorce but my husband does. i don't want him to get even visitation rights for our daughter.

Question

married for 10 yrs under hindu act, my husband wants a divorce and marry a muslim woman from pakistan. 7 months ago he moved to another country and lives alone there. i still live with my inlaws in india. i am not agreeing for divorce and have asked him to file for divorce if he wishes. if he does i intend to contest the custody rights of our kid and on basis of having a flawed character, dont want him to have even visitation rights. can i do that? he pays for our expenses. his parents dont approve of what he is doing and support me. i also want to stall the divorce if he files which i am told can be done for years. i feel betrayed. ( though we never had a good marriage, divorce is something unthinkable for me. help.

Answer 1

Divorce may be unthinkable to you but you have to be realistic. As far as the kids go - if he is their blood you will have to accept the fact that he has the right of visitation. I wish you the best of luck on this. Sit back and think of your kids over yourself and your husband.

Answer 2

Well, dear, it doesn't sound like you have lots of options.

It is wonderful that his parents are supportive of you and the grandchild. Now you need to take a look at what is happening and begin to cope. Leave all the inuendo and judgement out of it. As I see it, he married you, you had a child, the marriage wasn't good, he's been gone 7 months, and he definitely wants out.

You cannot make him want to make the effort to stay married. You cannot make him do anything. Just a fact. If he files, let it go through, and as much as it hurts, don't interfere in his relationship with the child. That is between them. Let it be over. If you stall the divorce, then that is precious time you can spend healing, spent focused, again, on him.

Take a look at what has to be done in a day. Take a look at what your child needs from you, and what her grandparents expect from you. Focus on your day. Remember what you used to do before he came into your life. What did you like to do? Find something to occupy your time, to give back to the community. Become your daughter's Girl Scout Leader, teach the children at Sunday School (or whatever curriculum your house of worship has), take a class, visit your best friend.

Life is not a straight line and other people will influence it's direction. You, however, do have the power to decide to take this negative and redirect it. God has decided to place you where you are now. Seek out His intention. Sometimes the negative places in our lives are only negative due to our interpretation of them. God has the greater plan. Don't focus on the boulder in your path, seek the route around it.

Answer 3

okay say that he comes back home and you both try to make it work you will be sick from worring all the time bout if he see some one else so the marriage is pretty much over plus why would you want him after he has been with some other woman and as far as the child i live in the united states and over here you cant deny the father seeing his child unless you can prove that he is abusive then maybe if its because the other woman is y u dont want him to see her well at court ask the agreement that niether of you can have another mate around her unless they are marriedand plus if he is moving to another country 9 times out of 10 he wont get her any ways so no worries .o and another thing you should leave the inlaws house you dont need to be living with his family it will only keep them apart from their child and thats not right so while at court make it where he has to provide you with transportion for the child and provide a safe place to raise the child i know its hard but hey your mr right could be at the court house waiting for you

Answer 4

I don't know about the laws in your country. In the United States it has been made to easy to get a divorce. And in very little time. I understand you don't want a divorce, but it sounds like your husband really does. I would let him have the divorce and move on with your life. Maybe you will find real true love one day. I doubt very much that you will be able to keep him from having visitation with your daughter. You would probably have to get good solid proof that he is an un-fit parent.
Wish I had better advice.
Good Luck.
Kali :-)

Answer 5

Look i know u are feelin hurt and betrayed by this man and u can stall the divorce but in the end u are going to get one whether u want it or not....i don't know what the laws are in india but short of him hurting ur daughter(beating, molesting etc) i don't see why u shouldn't let him see her.. are u worried he will take off with her? if so is there a law that will stop him taking her out the country? or maybe a law where he can only see her at the family home? but i think u should really do something about him paying for all ur expenses because that only gives him something to hold over u...

Answer 6

I cannot speak to your customs or other cultural, religious ideas. I can only state what I think is right.

If a man and woman can no longer live together (and you already said it was never a good marriage), then separate. Why on earth would you want to continue to live in a prison or create a prison for him.

Also, leave the kids out of it. They deserve a mother and a father and should not be used as tools. No matter what happens, the children should always be able to see either parent whenever they want.

Answer 7

This is called the "scorched earth" policy of war. You have lost the war but you destroy whatever is left. You don't want him to leave but if he leaves, he has a "flawed character." Which is it? Why do you want a man with flawed character? And why is it not flawed as long as he does not file for divorce?

Perhaps you should look at your own character? What kind of a mother uses her child as a pawn in a game against her ex-husbanc?

I suspect- from your projecting your own stuff on to him and your obvious confusion- this may be partly why he left you. Get some therapy.

Answer 8

Yeah he did betray you. But now is the time to move on. He wants a divorce give it to him. You need to move on. Why would you want to stay married to him when he is not in love with you anymore and further you said that your marriage was never a good 1? I know it hurts alot to be betrayed but please get over it. Having no visitation right for the child is not a good idea at all. That child deserves to see the father. Him not being in love with you anymore doesnt mean that he doesnt love his child. I know you might want to hurt him back for what has done but please not with the child or keeping him married. Just move on with your life you will feel better.

Answer 9

it is understandable that you are upset,,,, but unless he is bad to your daughter, its in her best interest to have a relationship with him,,, visit him, you still can retain custody,,,,,,,your divorce or situation is a grown up adult thing,, do not pull the child into it,,,,, either by refusing visiting her father or by talking negative about her father in front of her,,,if your marriage is over, and it seems it is, holding out on not divorcing doesnt seem to make since,,,, you really are not still a married woman if the marriage is over, only on paper, maybe as you get over being hurt you can move on with your life, your young, there is probably a good man out there for you somewhere,,,,, i would say divorce, and let yourself expeirence the freedom of being single

Answer 10

Why try to hold onto someone who doesn't want you? Are you that pathetic?

If he is paying support for you and the daughter he has a RIGHT to see her. You would try to deny a relationship between father and daughter because you are petty and vindictive?

I can see why he wants to divorce you. I'm for him.