I've been with my man two years. He's sweet, funny and respectful. But I find myself desperately wanting intelligent conversation at home and I just don't get it. I've tried talking to him about it, but it just doesn't seem to get me anywhere. It's the only real problem area for us, and though I can go to mates for a good conversation, it's just not enough. What do you suppose I should do?
2006-12-02 23:45:06 · 12 answers · asked by The Mad Shillelagh 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You just have to imagine things staying the same if you remain with him. You cannot change another person. Finding someone who is an intellectual equal is important in a mate - that does not mean the person has to have the same level of education, or be only "book learned"; it can also be in another field different than yours. My husband and I excel in totally different fields - I'm a teacher/writer, and he's an electrician. He is as smart, and probably even smarter than I am, just in a very different field than I. I'm poetry and reading and head in the clouds; he's science and math and practical. This all makes for great discussions and friendly arguments - we challenge each other and learn.
If you are feeling it's not enough with the guy, that's a red flag. Your friends won't be living in the house with the two of you after you are married....
2006-12-03 00:24:18 · answer #1 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would say you are lucky this is your only real problem in your relationship, most people aren't that lucky. Think about this......Maybe your man doesn't like to have " intelligent "conversations with you because it turns into a confrontational debate. Are you a know it all kind of person? Are you a really smart person and he is just an average kind of guy. Did you go to college and he just barely finished high school? If you can answer yes to any of these questions it may be the reason for the small talk only.
2006-12-02 23:56:27 · answer #2 · answered by clintanjunior 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Communication is the root of a good relationship. Without clear intelligent communication, how can your relationship grow?
On another note, if he handles the emotional stuff well, and you are satisfied there, then maybe lack of communication 'fun-wise' is not such a bad trade-off.
However, I see you as eventually falling for a mate who might offer you more witty conversations, as well as the emotional stuff..since communication is how it all starts...it seems really likely. I don't think you're nitpicking, it's a legitimate need in a solid relationship.
2006-12-02 23:59:41 · answer #3 · answered by Little Jeannie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think it's realistic to expect one person to fulfill all your needs. Sweet, funny and respectful sounds great - intelligent conversation can be found in lots of other places, say a book club, studying, friends. I guess the benchmark for staying, and having your need for intelligent discourse filled elsewhere, would be him knowing what you're doing (though not necessarily why).
If you're not communicating though, it's a different matter altogether...
2006-12-03 00:01:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
He has bodily abused you in the previous and you're nevertheless with him??? ideal there you have given him the message which you will positioned up with any variety of mistreatment so he's pleasing that. He looks like a unfavorable administration freak. i wish you haven't any longer delivered infants into this environment.
2016-10-17 15:39:54 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is unrealistic to think that you can get all your needs met with one person. But if you must have that from the man you probably won't get it from this guy. He won't change.
Try finding some girlfriends that are smart to hang out with. Girlfriends because of the obvious complication if you found a man to talk to.
IF not, well, you need to decide. Good luck.
2006-12-03 00:47:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Start reading intellectual books.... look if that is the only thing u can complain about then yes u are nitpickin..... ur guy sounds like he is a nice bloke and if he was like that wen u get together why have u started worryin about it now... stop being fussy and enjoy ur man
2006-12-02 23:57:50 · answer #7 · answered by angelindisguise 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Excuse me but, he was this way when you married him. He's good to you & marriage is a give and take, for better for worse.
I've seen too many people want to end a marriage over little stuff.
This is not even a good reason to consider ending the marriage.
Straighten up and make your marriage work.
2006-12-03 00:28:15 · answer #8 · answered by nbr660 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
decide if what you do have with him is enough...can you live without intelligent conversation long term...if you don't think you can then move on with your life...although you will never meet anyone who meets 100% of your needs 100% of the time.....so be sure this is a deal breaker....good luck
2006-12-03 00:24:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Gee...I guess its time to make a decision about your future with him. He isn't going to change, and you are not going to change him.
This is a preview of your future together, so either accept it, or move on with your life with a new man.
2006-12-02 23:51:43 · answer #10 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋