His sister died yesterday morning early in her sleepfrom lung cancer. He is about the only one in his family that went to see her on a regular basis. Now while all of the family needs to break down he is expected to be the strong one and help everyone else. And unselfishly he will do that with no chance to break down himself. Since I am not trying to change him, or how he deals with his family and friends, HOW CAN I HELP HIM? I am out of town on business right now, and I'd really want to show him I can be strong for him and stand beside him even though I cannot be there? I have sent him a beautiful sympathy card. Should I send more throughout the day in e-mail and what can I say or do to let him know that I am offering him my help where he can be as sad or "weak" as he wishes? Oh he is 6'3 and big, like a football player so he has a very hard time paying attention to his own emotional needs, So you can see why I am having a hard time with this. PLEASE HELP! ♥♥ Thank You!
2006-12-02 23:40:43 · 11 answers · asked by ♥misunderstood♥ 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You must let him be himself. It is what makes him the man you are attracted to. If he can't be the man he is now, he will regret it later.
2006-12-03 00:17:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know I will answer this in my way since this is an open forum. My Mother and I were very close, we went to church together and hardly ever missed a Sunday or other activities. When she passed on I was in the same situation as your friend, I had to stay strong for everyone else, I asked God for that strength and I received it but my Mother always knew she would go to Heaven and we told each other that's where we would go. So I thought this, "THERE WILL BE A PARTY IN HEAVEN TONIGHT"! I just don't know how people ever make it in this world without God. The other resolution would be just to let him grieve it "out".
2006-12-02 23:59:09 · answer #2 · answered by Conrey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a call and tell him that you love him and are there for him if he needs you. Then let him have his space to deal with this. Everyone is different and therefore greive differently. Right now will be a busy time with all the arrangements and things that will have to be made. The real pain will come later. Just let him know that you are by his side. Dont send too many cards. Speak to him and let him know you care.
2006-12-02 23:59:38 · answer #3 · answered by parrothead2371 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't "help" him - you can only be there for him. Right now the guy is in shock (even when you know someone is dying, nothing ever prepares for the moment it actually happens- I know I lost both my parents and a son) It's going to take a month or two for it to even sink in that she's gone.
Men also grieve differently from women. Men tend to lose themselves in something (working, eating, drinking, etc.) Let him be the strong one for now - it's probably what's holding him together right now. Just listen (and hold him when you get home) when he's ready to talk.
2006-12-03 05:56:54 · answer #4 · answered by Freedspirit 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
By the time is running his grief will be gone.. that's for sure. I've been through all that before.
Let him weep and dwell in his grief for a while, let him feel his sadness of his lost for some moments. Let him feel the lost feeling inside him completely. Cruel? not at all....
Trust me by letting him doing that, you help him belch and spew and throw away his guts from his heart. Everyone has their own sad and lost moments in their lives. And everyone needs to be alone for a while after we had the greatest lost in our lives.
The only one help you could give him now is by letting him dwells in his grief for these moments. Do not try to interrupt him at all cuz this is HIS personal lost moment for his sister.
Cuz if you do that, it surely will irritate and agitate him emotionally all over and he could get very upset with you afterwards. He needs to be all alone for a while and be with himself to commemorate his sister by himself only.... in sort of speak.
Trust me, that he WILL sooner or later get better and come back as usual again after a while. Just give him some times to be with himself. Because that's all he needs for himself now. You may contact him or support him emotionally but not so continuous and constant, cuz at then end it could 'suffocate' him. Give him space and room to be with 'his sister'..... and everything will gonna be fine.
That's for sure.
.
2006-12-02 23:45:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would contact him often, by email or phone, and just ask him how he is doing, give him the opportunity to talk,,, also, to be honest, i personally, if there was any way possible to get relieved from your job so that you could be there with him,,,, well i would do that,,,,, most companies have family leave, and if you are engaged, i would think that would count! finally, while he is of course very upset, sometimes if a person has been very ill and suffering,, the death is almost like a relief,, and he may not feel as much saddness as if it were a sudden accident,
2006-12-02 23:45:57 · answer #6 · answered by dlin333 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You simply "be there" for him as you have been. He will call you, ask for you and will confide in you. Be by his side as much as possible without being a stalker and give him some space for himself of course. But what you are doing is fine since you are out of town. However, take care of your own needs as well. This event will affect you as much as it does him. You dont need to be depressed yourself. Good luck!
2006-12-02 23:45:48 · answer #7 · answered by miladybc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't there any way at all you can be with him right now? I know you're out of town on some business thing but isn't this more important than business. He's you fiance, the one you want to spend the rest of your life with! I really think the best way to support him is to be there for him. Give my condolences to your fiance and good luck to you.
2006-12-03 00:07:19 · answer #8 · answered by chocolatebunny 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My father passed away a few weeks ago..there wasn't much people could say to me, however..what surprised me the most about what meant something is when I received flowers at the door, and a few cards. My spouse helped by taking over certain responsibilities...that meant alot..I think actions speak louder then words..they did for me. It's good you are allowing him to grieve..prayer helps as well.
2006-12-02 23:50:12 · answer #9 · answered by Marti 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Send the card, email a "how are ya holding up" Phone just to say.... if the going gets rough.. ring me.
2006-12-02 23:47:17 · answer #10 · answered by renclrk 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋