have a good friend who i have known for almost my whole life. when i was 12 he gave me my first kiss. since then we have just been great friends but have always loved each other, but maintained our obligations to our religion.
about a month or two ago he approached me with the idea of getting married. he didnt propose... he just asked me if how i felt about this idea. i told him i definitely wasnt opposed but since i am only 18 and he is only 20 we should think about it a little bit more first.
two weeks from that i found out he slept with a someone on one of his business trips. he recently smoked weed. and also, he says that he has come close to having sexual relations with another man.
he claims that he was in a state of depression (both of his parents passed away recently) and that is the only reason these things happened. he is very sorry and wants to make a life together and do right by me.
does anyone think there is anything left to salvage here?
2006-12-02 20:57:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am a Muslim..
2006-12-02 22:20:28 · update #1
What religion are you?
2006-12-02 21:40:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well It usually happens when youre in a state of depression, however someone should begin the process of resolving unfinished bussiness. You cannot jump into another problem by creating one. Sure, it's not the right thing to do since marriage is suppossedly a lifetime commitment. It's no joke.It takes time to be okay. Having hope is not always something that we can easily achieve. Take life as it is right now. You're young and still has a lot of things for you in the future. Just stay & support him. It's a big part of being able to move on. Sometime you know going through an experience teaches you about yourself & about life. I know that what he feels right now, he thinks he has lost alot but still he have a lot left. I want you to get married for the right reason okay? goodluck
2006-12-03 05:13:48 · answer #2 · answered by jas 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is always a hard shot when you know a person from youth. And every event must have shaped the diffficulty of this for you. Every decison he has made in his life has lead him to who he is. And your own to who you are. Maybe you should steer clear of what anyone thinks and make a decison based on insight from others. As a man I have seen men do the most unforgiveable things that can destory there character and leave them a shell. And I have seen women who take a chance on there own lives to salvage the chance to be with that person. And From what I have seen it turns out bad more often than good. But that does not mean you should not take that chance. You know him, well enough to atleast give it a little thought. Make a choice based off the feelings on if he is true to his desire to change, And prove himself to you.
But just keep one thing in mind. We are a bunch of people from the internet who know almost nothing about your life. Your best bet is to think about if he can be honest and true to you. Thats the only grounds to even think about if theres somthing to salvage.
And I myself think theres somthing. Why else would you even ask?
2006-12-03 05:21:26 · answer #3 · answered by Justin L 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Run don't walk away from the bisexual man and Waite till you find the grown up one. Truth is this guy is more like an old friend than a guy you should marry.
2006-12-03 05:15:01 · answer #4 · answered by lol_des 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe you have a future disfunctional relationship to salvage. It will take some work, but if you try, i bet we'll see ya on Jerry Springer in no time.
2006-12-03 05:16:08 · answer #5 · answered by ckgene 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there is a very old friendship that can be salvaged, but that is all. Your friend clearly is not currently in a stable enough condition to devote himself to you or anyone. You should try and be a good friend to him but make it clear that a romantic relationship is no longer in the cards...
2006-12-03 05:05:00 · answer #6 · answered by el nombre 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Do not engage in a relationship with him. I can almost guarantee you things will end horribly. Do not, however, abandon him at this point in his life because obviously he is going through though times; having a friend there to talk to can help greatly. Do not let him mistake your intentions to help him for something beyond a platonic level.
2006-12-03 05:03:40 · answer #7 · answered by velveeta00 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
sorry but I also lost a parent, it didn't make me seek a man. That's ridiculous ! I think he is depressed due to identity crisis maybe. he's confused. 18?? gosh i'd wait another 10 yrs at least.
2006-12-03 05:00:51 · answer #8 · answered by godzillasagoodman 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think he needs counselling more than he needs to get married, it seems that he is trying NOT to lose you aswell and by getting married he can keep you, but you just need to reassure him that you will always be there for him(god willing), he is rebelling but he needs to sit down and sort out his problems to get the proper help he needs.
do not compromise yourself or your future due to another person grief, find the man you truly want to marry
peace and good luck
2006-12-03 05:03:28 · answer #9 · answered by beautiful 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
wow.. thats pretty ***** crazy.. umm i think you should just follow your heart.. in my opinion i wouldnt go for him. i understand that you are "inlove" with eachother but what if he just goes crazy on you one day.. and then he becomes obsessed with you.. he might do worser things than hes doing now.. i mean its up to you.. would you like to marry someone that has slept with someone other than you? i sure wouldnt.. and the whole weed thing is absurd i hate drugs.. and i wouldnt go for that either.. but its all up to you im just telling you my opinion of course.. its crazy that just because of depression he has to do these things.. there are better things to do out there than to *** people when you are not even with them.. and to be close to doing things with another man.. thats just rediculous.
good luck though
2006-12-03 05:03:09 · answer #10 · answered by Yhpargotohp 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes there is! He was honest and truthfull to you! He didn't have to tell you anything and you would have been none the wiser.
2006-12-03 05:06:16 · answer #11 · answered by cweetepye 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋