Making love to my husband used to be about just that- the love. These days, it's just about the destination. It's quick, it's not passionate, and once i'm done I just want my husband to hurry up and "finish". I am currently 26 weeks pregnant, (and maybe it's just the hormones, lack of sleep, different schedules, pain and discomfort during sex that make me feel this way), but I have no interest in sex anymore. And i know it sounds horrible, but I also keep thinking to myself(esp. lately) that we don't need to have sex anymore, after this pregnancy we have all the kids we need. I also keep thinking about birth control after the baby is born, and don't want to have to deal with it. I am only 21 and can't get the tubal ligation done until at the least 27 according to my doctor. I absolutely do not want to have anymore kids, esp. if i have to go through another pregnancy like this one.
2006-12-02 18:44:02 · 23 answers · asked by Cyndi Storm 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If we had another "accidental" pregnancy, i couldn't live with an abortion or adoption, but i can't handle any more kids, and couldn’t live with an abortion or adoption. If i decide to give up sex for now, should
i wait a little while to see how things go, or do i talk to him about it right away? Should we (or even just
me) go for counseling about this? He says he could never leave me or cheat on me, but i know that if
we don’t have sex he may change his mind. Is it even worth it to stay married if i don’t plan on having
sex with him anymore?
2006-12-02 18:44:29 · update #1
Don't want him to have to get vasectomy done, in case we don't work out and HE decides he wants kids with someone else. I know i'm done. and i love him enough to want him to be the father of any and all kids i ever have. No matter what happens between us.
2006-12-02 18:59:35 · update #2
he is not just a sperm donor. and i think it is a bit harsh of you not to look at this from his perspective. sex and intimacy in marriage is a huge factor. if you don't have those things then your marriage is doomed. if you have just lost the urge...seeing that you are pregnant and have other children that is understandable....it is probably due to the reasons you stated before. those can be easily fixed by either hormones...more sleep..or some more variety in the bedroom. seems like you guys need to rekindle that original spark of your relationship. that does tend to dwindle as time goes on. talk to him about how you really feel. let him know what he has to do to get you into the mood now. if that means he treats you to a full body sensual massage...and some extended foreplay...then so be it. good luck girl.
2006-12-02 19:15:39 · answer #1 · answered by beckdawgydawg 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to your doctor. Explain your situation. I think the age thing is so that you don't make a mistake and get that done too early in life. If you are certain you don't want any more kids then you need to find a new doctor. Maybe you need to go to a different state. I don't know if that is a law or just your doctor's policy.
Don't even think of having a marriage without sex. Right now you're all messed up due to the pregnancy. If you can have sex without fear of pregnancy, I think you would feel better about it after the baby is born. Right now also your hormones are not what they are normally (when not prego). If you really decide to have a marriage with no sex, you will eventually be the only one not having sex beause I would bet your hubby will eventaully get some on the side.
2006-12-02 18:49:08 · answer #2 · answered by Roger S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not make any decisions until after your baby is born. Hormones make us think all kinds of strange thoughts while we're pregnant. If you have decided that you absolutely, under no circumstances want another baby, find another doctor who will either perform tubal ligation or prescribe birth control. Love making in a marriage is beautiful. Do not give that up for fear of getting pregnant.
If you do not want the hassle of remember to take your birth control everyday, consider the long term birth control that is available now...shots, patches, or an internal form such as IUDs or the rings.
After the baby arrives and you have recovered, if you still continue to have reservations about making love, it wouldn't be a bad idea to seek out a sex counselor. They can certainly give you a better outlook.
Good luck to you sweetie, and congratulations on your new baby.
2006-12-02 19:09:30 · answer #3 · answered by mreheather6 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are only feeling like this because you are pregnant. When a woman gets pregnant her hormones change and sometimes don't want to have sex anymore and some wants to have it all the time. After the baby is born you will have a change of heart and you will want to get back to your regular routine of wanting to be with your husband. Don't get your tubes tied. Right now you are saying that you don't want to have anymore kids but on down the line you might want some more, you are still young and time will bring about a change. Give it some time and I don't think counseling will help really, its just your hormones. Good luck. and Congratulations
2006-12-02 19:09:54 · answer #4 · answered by Ask Ashlynn!!!! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart! YOU'RE PREGNANT. Nothing is "normal" right now and this is NOT the time to be making life decisions. Wait until a few months after delivery or after you stop nursing when your hormones have had a chance to recover and then you can make that decision. There are other forms of birth control that are not life-altering.
As for to have sex or not, clear, open, honest communication is always the best option. If he loves you and wants you to be happy, he will understand and you may be surprised that once the pressure if off, you really DO want to have sex.
2006-12-02 19:20:18 · answer #5 · answered by fiesty gal 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To answer You question, No a sexless marriage will never work.
I would say 95% of the problem is hormons, You body is under alot of stress. I wouldn't worry just Yet after you have your baby have him get fixed if you don't want anymore children. I would be more worried about postpardem deprestion after birth. I would plan on seeing a doctor about that asoon as you can. being pregnant is different each time, My first child I couldn't keep my wife off me, My second was just the oppisite, after birth and a few months later her hormons settled down, And things were back to normal for the most part. Hang in there you'll do great, And yes I would talk to him about it. and how you feel comunication is the key to any realtionship
2006-12-02 18:56:26 · answer #6 · answered by harry p 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/Hh72O
2015-01-28 12:46:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?
You must realize first that, you do have a choice. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.
2016-02-10 20:28:33 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to spice up your sex life. Think up new and unusual ways to turn each other on.
I know, when you are pregnant, that's the last thing in the world you want to do but, sex isn't always about physical intercourse; it's about being close emotionally also.
My husband and I had the same problem. I had my "tubes tied" after our 2nd child (difficult c-sections both times).
We went to counseling through our church and through a family therapist. The two sources both said it's "boredom and lack of communication" that causes marriages to fail.
SO...try something new....go out to a new place for dinner...get a sitter and go on a date night once a week...go to a museum or a stage show together....
Be creative! REMEMBER what made you two attracted to each other in the beginning. Re-kindle that.
Good luck and God Bless!
2006-12-02 18:58:47 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
21 and you've had enough kids, sex is no fun, marriage should be sexless -- somebody grew up *way* too fast.
what's up with getting married and popping out kids and getting tired of sex and you aren't even 21? you should have *zero* kids until you are 31.
too late for that now. hey here's an idea - chuck them all and let their grandma raise your kids, leave him, and start all over, only this time, go slow and learn about people and yourself before you just spend all day screwing and getting knocked up and hormonal and hating sex like a 70 year old. because you deserve it.
oh, wait, that's been done to death. your only other option is to start acting mature since you enjoy all the trappings of being grown up - like sex and marriage and children - and not make rash decisions when you are obviously pregnant and hormonal and stressed out.
let the child-bearing run its course, calm down, stop thinking you have to know every second what is in store for you 5 minutes from now. start writing down what you need to do to grow up.
[1] be responsible for children
[2] learn more about self and husband.
[3] read books about human reproduction and sex drive
[4] talk to physician about other birth control options (implants, etc.) so you stop bringing unwanted children into the world.
man it is train wreck saturday night out here. geezus what a mess the world is in.
2006-12-02 19:51:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋