What do you do when you are married and you are in love with someone else?

Question

The someone else is a beautiful women who is the answer to every question. She has grace and love in her every step. She makes me feel better than I have ever felt in my life. And just so you know, I do not know how she feels, but I know that I feel this way about my own wife and I haven't for a very long time.

I am sorry, I meant to say that I know I don't feel this way about my wife.

I appreciate everyone's comments, however, I don't think I is as easy as that. I haven't cheated on my wife, I haven't left my wife, but I don't feel that I am married anymore either. I feel that I am too scared to leave.

It has been thirteen years and I have romanced and wooed, but it seems that no matter what I try, I always feel as if I am doing all of the heavy lifting and I feel horrible about not giving my heart completely. We have moved from state to state trying to find a better life and no matter what we try or where we go, nothing seems to change. And now, recently, we seem farther and farther apart.

I have tried dating. I have tried being more affectionate and attentive to her, but it hasn't changed. And just so you know, these feelings about my marriage began along time before I met this other person.

Answer 1

I think that you and your wife need to learn to communicate again. I think that one of the biggest problems with marriage is that we lose that sense of excitement and loving back from those wonderful dating days. Maybe you both stopped communicating your needs and desires to each other. Maybe you are harboring hurt feelings from arguments and things she might have said out of anger. You need to talk to each other again, and this time, get it all our on the table. Hurt, happiness, what you need emotionally, spiritually and physically all needs to be discussed. Most importantly, you both need to connect by spending more time together. Go out on a real DATE with your wife!!! Think back to what you used to do when you were both just dating. Remember the romance? Where did that go? Don't forget to date your wife and keep that excitement alive.
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Look, you started leaning on this other woman because she was
giving you the attention that you have been craving. You are a good person for not having an affair with her and by the fact that you are writing here tells me that you really do not want to hurt your marriage by cheating and you are basically crying for help and reassurance. YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON! Go talk to your wife. Rekindle the feelings from your FRIENDSHIP and love with your wife. Marriage is a constant work in progress.


Good Luck :-)

Answer 2

I would have to say that it is not love because while you see this woman frequently she has no idea and you have shared no intimacy, no promises, no shared interest. This sounds completely physical and possibly sexual.

You say you felt this way about your wife but it is gone. This way is the first of a relationship. I do not believe love is dead at home. Rather you have spent time looking at and involving your emotions and thoughts with another woman. Thus you left the marriage without consulting her or even trying to work things out.

Romance your wife. Buy her gifts, take her to romantic restaurants. Take a vacation. GO TO COUNSELLING but work on the marriage. Fooling around or leaving is a cowardly way to say I am unhappy.

Better you should tell your wife in as kind a way as possible and work with her to rediscover the wonderful life you had before you lost interest, stopped working on it and let your libido dictate where your heart should go. She deserves better, any children you have deserve better and so do you.

Answer 3

Is there anyway you can work it out with your wife? What about marriage counseling it may help you to get back some of the things you thought you lost. People always think the grass is greener on the other side and then when they get there sometimes they see that it wasn't so great after all. Remember how you felt about your wife in the beginning well see if you can get that back. Maybe life just has been getting in the way. See if you can work it out cause I would hate to see you leave your wife and then discover several years later that it happened again with this girl.

Answer 4

At one time you felt that way about your wife, who knows if you were to be with this other woman THOSE feelings could disappear. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. And in trying to find out, you could lose eveything! Are you willing to sacrafice that? Things may be a little stale at home...but maybe it's YOU that is making it that way.

Answer 5

WHY did you let yourself "fall in love" with another woman when you're already married? Answer that question and you'll probably know what to do.

e.g. My wife is Satan, I went to someone else because I didn't have the guts to just leave.

And don't pretend you didn't allow it to happen.


btw: Very sound advice about thinking very hard about losing your shirt in a divorce...better not to get busted cheating.

Answer 6

Your wife deserves to be loved and since your not the man to do it I am sure there is someone else out there willing to take your place. Divorce your wife even if this other woman feels nothing for you. I wouldnt want to be with a man who loved another woman, Id rahter be alone not someones consolation prize.

Answer 7

u stay in your marriage and try harder to love the woman u married. sometimes we think we are so in love with the other person, but in reality when we finally get with that person they aren't all that. but it's something your going to have to learn for yourself, it's easy to walk out on a marriage cause you think u found something better, but the grass always looks greener on the other side till u get there, and see things are about the same or maybe even worse.

Answer 8

Nooners

Answer 9

choosing your spouse will lead to a more content marriage. There is a sense of empowerment when you make a choice.

Answer 10

stay away from the someone else...or you will loose 50 to 100% of all you have in the divorce courts!