She has been married for several years but she was always frustrated with her husband because of many differences. She is intelligent while the husband is average. She is beautiful and talented and people often get surprised when they learned what kind of husband she has. I even feel like she could have got a better one but who knows why she ended up marrying him. The husband is also very possesive. Then she told me that she accidentally met her ex boyfriend who is already married too. They exchange numbers and that started their constant phone conversations. She feels comfortable up to the point that she shares her problems with him. This ex boyfriend and her did not have a formal break up , they just parted ways after graduating from college. Now the ex boyfriend wants to reconcile with her and was willing to divorce his wife. My friend is confused, her ex is the only man she truly loved but she does not want to ruin her quiet married life.
2006-12-02 15:41:16 · 19 answers · asked by bernie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
here it is bottom line only she can make up her mind what she wants to do is she in love with her hubby or her ex? is she happy with her hubby or not? is she happy with her life the way it is? if she is then she needs to stay away from her ex until she can sort things out and dont let her ex come in the middle of things.
2006-12-02 15:48:07 · answer #1 · answered by Joe G 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your friend should resolve one problem before possibly creating another.
If she really feels her marriage is over, then she needs to end it. If she really hasn't given it a fair shot, then she and her husband should pursue counseling. Whatever decision she makes, the ex-boyfriend should not be in the equation. She needs to treat her decision as if he weren't in the picture.
Just because the ex says he's willing to divorce his spouse doesn't mean he will. While it may seem like some sort of sign that he's back in her life, I think it would be dangerous for her to read more into the situation than what's there. An unsatisfactory relationship can make other situations seem more promising than they appear.
An affair is a coward's way of dealing with issues at home. While she may not be physical with the ex, she is being unfaithful emotionally. It's not to say that a relationship with the ex couldn't happen, but it's just not the best of ideas to run into another situation before bringing the present one to an end. There will be a lot waiting for her to deal with if she goes with him-- including the possibility that he's not serious about leaving his wife.
2006-12-02 16:44:49 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Several years of marriage could be a few, or many. Either way, she did say "I Do". IF, she decides on the ex it will be the biggest mistake of her life! She needs to talk to her husband instead of her ex! I would bet that she and her ex have had very deep, extended conversations about all the things she SHOULD be discussing with her husband. She and her ex parted ways for a reason.....they could have carried on from college but they didn't, so leave it be.
On a further note....if the shoe were on the other foot, and her husband was having long conversations with an old flame about her......well, you get my drift.
Your friend is confused??? Sounds like she wants her cake and eat it too. That does not work. She needs to walk away from this ex before her husband gets wind of it....or she could be left setting alone.
2006-12-02 16:10:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She knew what kind of man she was marring before she married him-now she is ready to break up a marriage because she met her ex-boyfriend,who is married-I don't care how intelligent,talented,are beautiful she may be she is no better that her average husband-she knew the differences between her and her husband before she got married-now all of a sudden the husband is not good enough for her-he was good enough for her for several yrs-now he is not because of her ex-give me a break-the best advice to give your friend is to stay out of their business-remember if they break up it will be with your help-let her take care of her own business-stay out-remember a close mouth carries a wise head-if her ex was the only man she ever loved, then she would not have married this man and stayed several yrs with him-keep you two cents out-then you can call yourself a really good friend-not your business-not your husband and not your ex-let her do what she think is best for herself-I know that she did not meet her husband the same day that they got married so he could not be that bad-the husband is very possessive because that is the way she started out letting him tell her what she could and could not do-she liked it then why not now. so don't blame the average guy-why are people so suprise when they find out who she married-you mean that those people were not invited to this beautiful,intelligent and talented girls wedding- so why so suprise-excuses,excuses,excuses-get a grip and a life
2006-12-02 16:31:00 · answer #4 · answered by brown sugar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remind your friend that her ex is an ex for a reason. You said they had no formal breakup but the fact is that if there was something solid there they would of never went seperate ways. As for her husband she needs to search her heart and decide if she's really not happy. There must of been something there or she wouldnt of married him in the first place. She might just be complicating the situation by unresolved emotions on her part with the ex. She needs to remember the ex is the past she really should leave it there and work on the present and the future.
2006-12-02 15:58:58 · answer #5 · answered by Carmela 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she loved him so much, how could they have just parted ways. You don't part ways with someone who's important to you.
I would tell my friend life is full of ups and downs. You're going to have them no matter who you're with. To have a successful marriage one needs a good partner who respects and loves you. Does she have this with her husband? Another thing that is needed in a marriage besides having a good partner is being a good partner. I don't see how she's being a good partner by talking to this other guy. Your friend needs to be working on her marriage with the man she commited to rather than trying to ruin some other womans marriage because the grass looks greener over there right now. A good marriage takes work and commitment, it doesn't just happen.
As for the husband, it sounds like he has a reason to feel possessive since his wife is having "constant phone conversations" with a man she claims to love more than him. I'm sorry, but your friend doesn't sound very intelligent to me.
2006-12-02 15:54:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too bad she didn't tell her husband what a sorry loser he is before they got married.
Then he could have married someone that respected him.
btw: Married men telling a woman they are unhappy and will get a divorce for them is the oldest story in the book. The idiot woman falls into the trap, feels sorry for him because his wife is such an ogre, then after he bangs her for a while he cuts it off with some "oh, I had to save the marriage for the kids" routine.
The message there is that some women will believe what they want to believe, and there are men who take advantage of that...
2006-12-02 16:41:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who cares what people think of her husband. Do we always make decisions based on what other people think? The bottom line is she is married, she is in a COMMITMENT. When you get married you recite vows. Dismissing those vows only show the kind of person you really are. I understand there are certain circumstances when divorce is appropriate but, just because you meet someone you like more seems pretty adolesent to me. Guess marriage is just a trend these days.
2006-12-02 15:56:08 · answer #8 · answered by lifeizgud 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
simple, the ex is an ex for a reason. and the 7 yr itch goes away real fast when what u have is at risk for what might be (especially when it dont turn out the way they thougth it would) why waste what u have for what u had. she has to decide and so what her man is only average. i mean ur puttin her man down n u aint tellin us if he is good to her. possesive how? i think she is makin it seem more than it is. tryin to justify a way out. so it dont matta what we think or our input
2006-12-02 15:49:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is engaging in emotional infidelity and that can sabotage her marriage. Does she despise her husband so much that she is willing to make him suffer and is she so willing to marry a man, her ex-boyfriend, who is willing to cause suffering to his wife? Emotionally immature people can be selfish and cruel. It sounds as though he has a reason to be "possessive" and suspicious of his wife if she is prone to engaging in this sort of behavior!
2006-12-02 16:21:14 · answer #10 · answered by jom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋