Okay my Husband and I have been married for almost 3 years we have been together for 8 years. We have always said that we
would not have kids, but he just recently joined the Army (and that was a decision that we both made) and now I'm wanting to reconsider not having a child. I have expressed my feelings of why I want a child to my husband, but he doesn't understand. He doesn't have a very close relationship with his dad so he thinks that he would be a terrible dad. I think he would be a great dad.
I have been with my husband since high school; we have so many great moments between us, I truly love him with everything inside of me, and I can't image not having him with me one day. The possibility of him going to Iraq is very high, and I want a part of him with me.
So that is why I have changed my mind about having a child.. Is that selfish of me?
2006-12-02 15:28:54 · 13 answers · asked by ~~~*~~~*~~~ 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
There is nothing wrong with changing your mind and deciding you want to have a child. Unfortunately since your husband isn't interested at the moment you're stuck trying to be patient and hope he changes his mind. You can try to discuss it with him regularly hoping to persuade him to change his mind, but try not to let it become a source of friction. You don't want it to become something that turns either of you bitter and ruins your marriage. Especially if he goes overseas, you'll want to continue to have a strong, loving relationship with as little interpersonal difficulties as possible. It can be very hard on both people in a relationship when one spouse is overseas - especially if they are exposed to danger. Try to maintain a positive and supportive attitude. Good Luck talking with your husband. I hope this works out well for both of you!
2006-12-02 15:52:12 · answer #1 · answered by Steph 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being selfish. The desire to have a child is perfectly natural. The desire to also have some part of him remaining should the worst happen is also perfectly normal.
The downside is that if nothing does happen (which is, of course, the best outcome) you then have a child you said you didn't ever want to have. He will be "stuck" with a child he didn't want...and that could very well MAKE him into a bad father, thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I have a friend who's DH was sent overseas. They had been TTC before he left but were told there were issues. They managed to get pregnant and find out 4 days before he was deployed! She went through the entire pregnancy on her own (something else to consider) and he was able to come home for leave just in time for the birth. He then left again 4 days later and his daughter was almost 3 months old before he came home for good. :)
Men don't generally understand these things. It's going to be a tough decision on your part - your desire to have a part of him or keeping up your end of the deal. There IS one other option: find a doc who will work with you to freeze your husband's sperm on the off chance that something happens. If the worst does happen, you can get artificially inseminated afterwards. It might be costly, but it will serve both purposes: You will be able to have a part of him, but if nothing happens you aren't both stuck with a child you didn't want. It can be costly, but it is an alternative.
I wish you luck with whatever decision you are able to come to.
2006-12-02 23:42:12 · answer #2 · answered by tigger062077 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being selfish. You have the right to change your mind, but he has as much a say in this as you do. Don't try to trick him or anything. That wouldn't be the answer. As a wife you can talk to him at appropriate times and lovingly so. I've found that women, with time, can convince their husbands of making all kinds of changes. You have to be patient, not prodding. make him want one too, and I don't mean by e-mailing him cute baby photos. Use your wiles but be submissive; he should listen to you. Be completely lovable and show him that he's already a wonderful head of the house. Explain to him your feelings.
2006-12-02 23:47:08 · answer #3 · answered by E. T. 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your need for children is normal not selfish. If he truly loves you he will understand where you're coming from. Try to encourage him bet don't push him.You two seem very close so you should be able to share everything with him.Give him the message that having a baby will draw you two closer and it shows your affection towards him.That's all I have to say and I hope you solve your problems and wish you all the happiness in the world.
2006-12-03 08:45:11 · answer #4 · answered by Marry Ch. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a way it is and in a way it isn't. Your simply scared to lose him so you wish to have a part of him to cling onto. That's fine. Its a perfectly legitamate fear, and you should have a child with him. But, on the other hand, if you he sincerely does not want to be a dad, you can't really force him. Maybe if you sat down and talked about the things he was afraid of with having children he would feel differently and he would be more supportive of your new desire.
2006-12-02 23:33:31 · answer #5 · answered by Waverly Pascale 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never feel selfish for wanting to have a baby. this is what God put us here for. women were meant to bare children. if he isn't willing to budge then you should try to get pregnant anyway. if he is a good of a guy as you say he will probably get over it and when he holds that beautiful little bundle for the first time then he will wonder why y'all didn't have kids sooner.
i just had my first baby 4 1/2 months ago and i can't even describe the amount of joy that he has brought into my life. no matter how bad i feel, his gummy little grin can always make me laugh.
being a mother is absolutely wonderful, and i will pray that you will one day know this feeling.
2006-12-02 23:47:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No. Most women will want children eventually. Imagine your life when you are seventy. Do you think you would be happy without children and grandchildren? If your husband won't change his mind you may have to get a divorce and find someone who is willing to be a father. Remember, this is YOUR life too.
2006-12-03 04:05:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. you are not "selfish" for feeling this way. But you did discuss it earlier and you knew how he felt so don't expect him to change his mind. Sometime people grow up and grow apart, the things that used to be important no longer are or the things we thought had no bearing on us, suddenly do.
Good Luck I hope everything works out for the two of you.
2006-12-02 23:42:05 · answer #8 · answered by Who Me? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are not being selfish at all you have the right to change your mind just like he has the right to his opinion as well, dont give up keep talking to him about it and let him know you understand his concerns and if after a while he says no then you have some thinking to do...a baby or him...good luck...
2006-12-02 23:38:21 · answer #9 · answered by bunkie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hopfully I have a reasonable answer to your problem. You are not being selfish, but if he insists you should not have his child right now, then have him put some sperm in a spermbank to hold in case of horrible circumstances. If he comes back fine, then have them destroy the sperm.
Good luck
2006-12-02 23:49:29 · answer #10 · answered by Nort 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋