I am 17 weeks pregnant. I had to leave my boyfriend because he tried to hit me several times. I left him 3 weeks ago and he hasn't even called once. I have a group of friends that I go out with from time to time that don't go around my ex. One of the guys in the group has always been really sweet to me. Here lately we have been going out to dinner and hanging out alot. He even took me out to dinner for my 21st birthday Thursday. After we got back from our dinner Thursday he kissed me. And I dont mean just a friendly little kiss. Today I asked him if it bothered him that I was pregnant and he said a little bit. What do I do? He's a really good guy. Should I start dating him even though I having a baby by someone else?
I always have a really good time when I'm with him, but if I see any of my ex's friends while we are out I feel dirty, like I'm doing something wrong.
2006-12-02 15:16:41 · 30 answers · asked by jennifer 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I dont think its wrong to date while youre pregnant really but its not a good idea to make it official with this guy if it bothers him AT ALL. As you get closer he may feel better about it or he may feel much worse. You need to discuss it with him at great lengths!! This is a big deal, you are starting a family.. he may not be ready to be thrown into an instant family. Good luck!
2006-12-02 15:19:41 · answer #1 · answered by PenguinsWife 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he wants to date you anyway, sure, why not?
I see nothing wrong with dating while you're pregnant. There's actually a movie about a situation like yours called "Saving Face". Rent it if you want a laugh ... maybe it'll relieve your worries for a while.
So he's taking you to dinner and being really nice ... he even kissed you. Obviously he likes you a lot. I don't see anything wrong with you liking him, too. I would advise moving slowly for a while, though, since it's sort of a rebound-type relationship. What if it doesn't work out after the baby's born? Keep it casual and low-key unless you're absolutely SURE you're getting married or something.
And I wouldn't put too much stock in his saying it bothers him a little. I think even if it was his baby, it would bother him a bit! Men are kind of freaked out by the idea of a person being inside the woman they love and think of as a lover ... not a mother.
So you can date him if you want, but don't run headlong into this. One guy's already struck out on this kid of yours ... I'd hate to see a biological father out of the picture, a new male influence bonding with the child, and then disappearing himself because he can't deal. He shouldn't be any sort of father figure unless he's going to be the REAL dad. And that's whoever raises the baby. It takes a real man to stick around. You just have to find out if your crush is a real man. If he stays by you through the pregnancy, doesn't lose interest, and wants a commitment eventually, I'd say he's the one. Who cares if you started dating while you were pregnant?
Your happiness, and your child's best interest, are paramount here. Do what's best. Go ahead and see what happens. Slowly.
2006-12-02 15:45:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im currently 13 weeks pregnant to my ex partner also. We are civil and trying to sort things out. But i have questioned whether this is OK to myself. And in all honesty, while you could do with much friendship and support throughout your pregnancy, i think you should focus on your baby, and preparing for him/her. Just be friends with this guy - there is no harm in that. I think it's honestly the best way to go. When your baby arrives, you need to be a mother first and foremost, then if you feel it's appropriate perhaps look into the possibility of a relationship. But remember your baby has to always come first. Another thing, is that you're probably lonely and feeling vulnerable. My ex boyfriend is in another state to me at the moment, and i feel very vulnerable and want a male protector and provider - it's a natural instinct/desire. But don't let your emotions rule your head - becuase if something went wrong with this guy, you never know....it could affect you and/or your baby. Just be careful. Anyway, good luck and take care.
2006-12-02 15:37:51 · answer #3 · answered by Jaye E 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If it bothers him, "even a little bit" that you are pregnant then I wouldn't date him. Your circumstance is that you ARE pregnant! At 17 weeks you may not be showing all that much so it is easy for him to see you as just another girl to date. He is interested, yes, but if he has issues of you being pregnant by another man then I would say he may not be a good prospect for you.
After all, in a few months you will be a MOTHER, will he have a problem with the baby's Father. There is a lot to consider in dating a guy that ISN'T the Father of your baby.
Any man that is going to date a pregnant girl, woman with children must accept the whole picture without question or reservations............
2006-12-02 15:29:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anna M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good for you dumping the jerk! Smart move!! As for dating...you should not feel bad at all! You are going to be a mother and that should not affect you being human!!! I would only have reservations about this guy hurting you! I would certainly go out and have a good time but i wouldn't let hime take advantage of me sexually that is for sure....if he is really into you he will really be into you and your unborn child. I would think that it shouldn't bother him AT ALL if you are pregnant if it bothered him he shouldn't attempt to form a relationship with you in which he has no intent of maintaining! You are worth more than any of these guys. It is so hard dating and finding someone who is true and honest and feel him out a little more...he may get used to the idea of you and little one!!! I am a single mom and know that if my next man isn't good to my children then he certainly doesn't belong in my life!!! Just protect your heart and your little one and remember no one cares about you more than....YOU!!! Good luck!
2006-12-02 16:32:24 · answer #5 · answered by One Of The Girls 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not doing anything wrong by dating him, but I personaly wouldn't get intimate with him for a long long time. You just got out of an abusive relationship 3 weeks ago, your mind and body need to heal. Hopefully this guy can be there for you an still want to be there for you once you have the baby... just don't pressure him because it's obviously not an ideal situation, but you never know where you will find love. Just be honest with each other and if he can't deal or you can't, then just take a break until you can.
2006-12-02 15:21:21 · answer #6 · answered by Rae T 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I just happened across this site. I never knew it existed before. Funny how things work. As far as your new life (adventure goes) I have to say that I went down a similar path. With everything you have been saying i can relate with. My advice to you is put your emotional health first because it effects your physical and of course your precious baby. You are a team. Right now may not be the best time to evaluate who mister right is, and really i don't think that it is fair to you and your precious to put someone elses needs before you two and unfair to them, (for a while). You need support and love, so if this nice guy is gonna be around, you guys need to set up professional counseling sessions, might as well use him as a tester to see what you need to look for in men. This will help him know better about what he is looking for at this point in his life also. You need to be educated on the risks of sex while pregnant. Hopefully you have some awesome, supportive, loving friends all around you and family of course that can help with the love, support and understanding that you desire and deserve. As you go through your pregnancy, you will find that the connection with you and your unborn baby is simply amazing and you may feel that your glad that you have your belly all to yourself. You are not less because the father isn't there, so no more of this "am I bad stuff". I commend you for not allowing abuse to exist in your life. You know how to draw the line, right? Right! There are the opportunities of many blessings to come. So be confident, feel beautiful, educate yourself on every factor of your fetus, and being an expectant mother. Take self esteem classes if you want, but for your lifetime benefit, read up on the different character and personality types of guys who can love and not hurt you. This is your chance to come out on top and not look back. Stand your ground, keep your head up, don't ever be pushed around again. Play hard to get with guys and know your a gem and I promise you will find a catch. Best of luck to you girlfriend.
2006-12-02 16:24:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun, You are not doing something wrong. First of all your pregnant and you are alone, your emotions are all out whack. What your boyfriend did to you was wrong and not your fault. If this guy is willing to stand by you and you care about it, Become friends and see where it leads, Just be careful. Don't worry about what your ex's friends think, You are not doing anything dirty. What he did to you was the dirty thing. Trying to hit you while you carrying his child was the lowest of lowest. Trying to hit you period is low. Be happy. This is suppose to be one of the happiest times in your life!!! Do what you feel is right. If you don't feel right dating him then take the time for just you but if you feel comfortable with him then by all means do it! Good luck to you and good luck with a healthy and happy baby!
2006-12-02 15:32:55 · answer #8 · answered by Issym 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't worry about your ex, he is a piece of crap. i really don't think that you should worry about dating right now. or at least don't get too serious. and absolutely don't be having sex with anyone. my cousin had sex with her ex while she was pregnant and he gave her an STD. he had been with some other girl after they broke up. you just can't take any chances. some STD's can be fatal for the baby or cause blindness.
the reason i don't think you should be getting serious with anyone is because i just had a baby four and a half months ago and it is unbelievable just how much time you need to devote to them. i am 21 years old and i quit my job and postponed my last year of college to give my child my undivided attention. i am married, and it is even hard to give my hubby attention.
i would seriously consider waiting until after you have the baby and when he gets a little older before you try getting serious with someone. instead of wasting time on boys, spend every waking moment with your baby. you can't ever get this time back, so cherish every moment.
you will be in my prayers.
2006-12-02 15:29:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not feel dirty, I think that maybe it is a little soon but that is up to you! It is his fault and you needed to leave him. I think that you and this guy might want to have a serious talk about y'all and the baby and if he does have problems you need to walk away. That baby is your first priority. There is nothing wrong by dating just make sure you are not jumping into something because you need to replace the baby's daddy! You know in your heat what is right for you and the child and for him. Just remember you are fixing to have your hands VERY full and he needs to know that and be excepting of that. (It is always diff. after the baby comes)
2006-12-02 15:23:22 · answer #10 · answered by mommy of 2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously this guy cares about you if he's going to take you out and knows your pregnant.. Your not dirty or skanky for going out with a nice guy while your pregnant. And anyway good for you for leaving that bastard, any man who hits a woman especially when they're pregnant should all have their kneecaps shot off, and strung upside down by their balls!!.. sorry got a little carried away, but absolutely go out with him, it sounds like you deserve to have a little fun. Just remember that it may be a little weird if you two get together officially since your preg for another guy, but hang in their it's completely normal, and I'm sure things will be great!!
2006-12-02 15:24:30 · answer #11 · answered by Heather 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋