My husband and I have been together for 10+ years, high school sweethearts. Late 20's, early 30's. We have an 8 year old son. We love each very much, but have definitely had our up's and down's. However it finally had straightened itself out. 2 years ago my husband was in a serious work accident, which busted out his teeth, ripped open his cheek, jaw, and elbow, and threw him 12 ft down. True he was hurt! He has been through multiple surgeries, and finally was release from medical need. In the meantime, I had to find a job that paid more money to cover what workman's comp was not paying. So we moved in with my parents as a temp fix until we bought a house. He doesn't get along with them and it was causing tention between us. But one friday he just up and left while I'll was at work and then text me that he was leaving. 2 days later he admitted in having sex with this disgusting skank 3 times and didn't know what for, but he knows he's sorry and wants to work it out. to do?
2006-12-02 15:03:44 · 22 answers · asked by sabapa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you never completely get over being left but you move on you find other things that make you smile and you heal but time is the only remedy time and patience and prayer, just spend time with your kids and let the asshole leave its his loss honey.
2006-12-02 15:07:09 · answer #1 · answered by war~torn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is usually a reason why one spouse commits infidelity. But it should not be excuse. Infidelity is always destructive, and often fatal, to a marriage. But it is possible to avoid allowing infidelity to bring a marriage to an end, however.
Discovering the betrayal and anticipating the potential loss of the person most important in your life causes great distress. The victim of betrayal questions if the spouse ever loved them, and if so, what they might have done to lose it.
To recover from trauma, a victim has a natural tendency to go back to the traumatic experience, questioning, going over details repetitiously: “What did you do? Where? When? How often?” The traumatized spouse must go over the events until the emotional distress caused by them becomes manageable. They must reach a point where they feel there are no more surprises.
Often, the betraying spouse wants to get things over quickly, after admitting to their infidelity. They must develop empathy for what the betrayed spouse is experiencing, and be willing to live with the pain of guilt, until genuine healing can occur. In addition, the betraying spouse may learn something about them self in the questioning process. They may begin to see their own motives, vulnerabilities, and selfishness. If both spouses can tolerate and control the emotions involved, they may come to a joint understanding of how the infidelity occurred, signaling the beginning of a more substantial level of recovery. Recovery usually takes 1 to 3 years.
2006-12-02 15:17:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all, keep praying and ask God for a right decision. Secondly, open a comfortable discussion with him. Trust yourself and give a little bit trust on him when you talk to him. May be there are things that you did not expect he would reveal which are good for your consideration to save your marriage. Human being is unique. We cannot justify and generalize that because one has cheated once, he would cheat the next time. Thirdly, you may think thoroughly whether divorce is the best way to solve your problem. It is not always true.
2006-12-02 15:45:29 · answer #3 · answered by Patricius 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time and hard work is the only thing that can repair your heart and your marriage. Getting away from your parents (a stressor apparently) will be the first step. He will have to re-earn your trust and that can only come with time. Each day he will have to prove himself worthy of your love and trust. With time, you can recover.
I haven't experienced this one myself but I have learned that all bad things in my relationship can be fixed with hard work and time. Forgiveness is a necessary part of spending your life together with someone. I've done some terrible things and so has my husband. We work on them and through them. Counseling may help too. Working together to improve your marriage can never be a bad thing for you both and your son.
Best of luck to you!
2006-12-02 15:12:44 · answer #4 · answered by Holly O 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can recover with time from what you are saying its true your husban made a mistake and he would not have told you if he didn,t love you and was truely sorry most men has to be caught before they confess get you guys a house of your own even if its not perfect you,ll be alone and start to do things together again and talk it will heal in time don,t give up on that much time together for your self and your child all marriages take work but its worth it.
2006-12-02 15:19:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that. Well...I didn't do it, but it was done to me. First of all, we ALL make mistakes. I would definitely take him back considering all the time you've invested in him and for the sake of the child. Divorce is worse on the children. It leaves scars that last a lifetime. He admitted he made a mistake, most don't. He seems like he's genuinely sorry. Cut him some slack, and what ever you do, don't thow it up in his face everytime you get into an argument. That never helps. Good Luck.
2006-12-02 15:10:38 · answer #6 · answered by Becky F 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's hard to get over an affair. My ex-husband cheated on me and I tried to forgive him. I couldn't do it. I stayed with him for five years after the affair, but I could never trust him and things were never the same. It's hard. The two of you need to get profressional help if you want your marriage to work. Good luck.
2006-12-02 15:20:24 · answer #7 · answered by Inez 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey is not cure is just going to get worse...When you that he did that was the end of it...I know so many people the were in the same situation that you do...I always say nothing will work...Anything will help but not cure...Sorry but thats all I can say if I was in your shoes I will just go on with my own life...Life is so short t to waist your time trying to fix that is broken
2006-12-02 15:10:39 · answer #8 · answered by nena_en_austin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just have to make up your mind, if this is really what u want to do, to forgive, and forget it. we never see it coming, how do u know how long it's been going on or if it will continue. can't keep bringing it up or wanting to know the details, will only hurt u more. if you are kind in spite of how u feel, the other woman will have less of a chance to move in on him. men cheat because they have a low self worth, and have fragile ego's. but what are u going to do if he does it again? but everyone deserves another chance if they are truly repentive. the nicer u are to him the less chance he will be going over to her house.
2006-12-02 15:16:42 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its tough but if you really love each other you can make it work. First of all, go to a marriage counselor. Then, communicate - alot. It helps. It doesn't erase the pain but it helps. You can work past all this but you'll never forget. You have to forgive tho, to make it work.
2006-12-02 15:11:21 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you really would like the marriage to work and if this is the case you should seek counseling for both of you to go to. Maybe they can find a way to help you both thru this. Good luck to you. ;o)
2006-12-02 15:13:43 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋