i want to talk about the children and why he is acting to me like he is, but he is always busy so claims to be. should i just let him be or continue to try and talk to him? I am just really confused
2006-12-02 14:39:57 · 37 answers · asked by eeyore 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would let it go & communicate through the courts, via e-mail or by certified letter. Document everything. Keep all copies or print out e-mails and keep copies.
If you don't have a custody agreement, get one.
2006-12-02 14:42:25 · answer #1 · answered by bionicbookworm 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You had years of talking and it did nothing and there is nothing new you could ask him without getting the same old answer.
You want to talk to him because you are co-dependent. You continuously need his abusiveness in your life right now because it is what you are use to and now that it is taken away, you are no different than a drug user looking for a hit.
Stay away.............this will be very difficult without counseling. I have seen many women in your situation and they are not happy until they meet their abuser again, come out with a story of fight and even a black eye before they feel better. Your like a alcoholic looking for a late night drink.
You are hurting yourself and your children doing this. Get some help because you'll be looking for your next high and if it is not from your abusive ex, it will be from your next abusive boyfriend.
Best of luck
2006-12-02 14:56:52 · answer #2 · answered by Sunflower 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no reason to talk to him, he will never give u an honest answer anyway. if he has any apologizing to do he will make the first move. sounds as if u are having second thoughts, thinking if u can just talk to him he will be better, but you are trying to recreate what u felt for him, and hoping he will do the same. but he doesn't even have time to give u 30 minutes. this is his character, he will never take responsibility for any of it. he probroly has been treating u badly because he has someone else, and didn't want to be with u. he claims to be busy because he is a coward, and just doesn't want to deal with it. this is who he is and he doesn't want to talk, so u must accept it. u have probroly done all u could do, and dealt with being abused for quite some time, u may even think it is your falt.but it has nothing to do with u.
2006-12-02 15:30:44 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously spent many years with this man and he did not listen to you. His refusing to listen now is his grasp to remain in control of you and the situation. You need to go through the courts to discuss anything with him at this point. Seeing him face to face is only going to hurt you and maybe the children. Once you have talked to a lawyer, you will probably need to talk with a counselor to deal with your co-depended needs. If you do not, chances are you will probably find another abusive man to get involved with. I know this is not easy to hear from strangers but some of us have been there before and again and again. If we had heard this kind of advice and followed it we would probably learned the first time. You have already taken the first step, getting away from him and taking your children with you. Continue on your path to healing by letting the courts talk to him for you.
2006-12-02 16:44:13 · answer #4 · answered by Hawkeyes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is not that he won't spend time with you - that's the GOOD news. Others have said it well - do your communicating through channels that (we hope) will keep you and your children safe. Your job is NOT to care about why he has treated you this way, it it to keep him from doing it ever again - to keep him from treating your children this way.
You should not "just let him be", NOR should you "continure to try and talk to him". Please seek help! That you say you are confused is an admission that you have not broken free of the cycle of abuse.
2006-12-02 14:52:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husband was very abusive, why would you want to talk to him? Leave him be and let the courts talk to him about the children. Why force the issue and make an already abusive man angry?
2006-12-02 14:44:05 · answer #6 · answered by shellese2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in an abusive marriage for 20 years with children. Why would you want to spend one more minute with him. He is not going to change. Not for you. Not for the children. Not until he admits he has a problem and is willing to get help for himself.
2006-12-03 12:40:51 · answer #7 · answered by marie_roberts2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let him be. I went through the same situation. I use to try to talk to my ex before the divorce. I just wanted to know what I did wrong. My advice is to search your heart. If you honestly believe you did nothing wrong then let it go. The problem is his, dont let it become yours. Why punish yourself more and give him more power over you. In a sick kind of way he sees it that you are begging him. It took me a long time to reallize that he was the sick one with the problems not me. Now its him who keeps calling me now that he realizes he has no more control. Needless to say I dont answer the phone anymore. As far as the kids go its going to be hard on them, but the courts can sort that out. Either way if he was abusive to you (physically and/or emotionally) think of who he might exchange his anger over to. I never talked bad to my daughter about her father because I knew in time she would come to her own conclusions. She hurt alot so much not seeing him, she thought she did something wrong. Shes 22 now and sees the situation clearly. She's decided not to have a relationship with him but still leads a healthy productive life. I hate to imagine what would of become of her if I insisted early on of him being part of her life. Either way you decide..dont loose respect for yourself, love yourself and know that you are in my prayers.
2006-12-02 15:40:06 · answer #8 · answered by Carmela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would continue to try and talk to him. You have kids involved and explain that it would be in the best interest of your children if the two of you talked. And major kudos for getting away from the abuse. If after all of that he still will not make the time, then I would say let him be; you and the kids are probably better off without him.
2006-12-02 14:43:53 · answer #9 · answered by Barbara B 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
i know this sounds bad cuz i have been there...but when you do finnally get him to talk to you tell him he can give you thirty minutes or you are taking him to court for custody. Since he was abusive I would be careful becaose you dont know what he is capapble of,since he is already acting like a child. treat him like one. Seriously, if you have to get a lawyer to get the job done than do it, its the only way to keep peace.
2006-12-02 14:45:27 · answer #10 · answered by cutiepie21106 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your husban was abusive you should let it go it will be very hard but if you talk to him you,ll find yourself right back in that enviroment and its not good for you or your kids to see and hear that everyday and sooner or later he may turn on them I,d find things to keep busy,time and help will heal you and you,ll be happier.
2006-12-02 14:46:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋