My husband said that he wants to work on our marriage, come home and have our life back to normal. He says that he wishes he had never met his mistress and she is a mistake.
I told him that if he wants to work on us, he has to cut all ties with her. He said he knows this, but he doesn't know if he can do it. He also says in a perfect world, this wouldn't have happened and we would be back to where we were.
Why can't he give her up? There has to be more to it than just "having his cake and eating it too." Any ideas?
2006-12-02 14:19:51 · 28 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As long as you allow him to get away with his behavior he will continue to do it. Lay down the law if he is coming home and working on the marriage then that is what he needs to do, not continue to see the other woman too. He is the one in the wrong just keep that in mind. I wish you luck and I hope things work out the way you want them to. God Bless.
2006-12-02 14:28:56 · answer #1 · answered by Sexy-n-Hot 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, infidelity is far too common do not feel alone, nor should you feel that this is your fault, but if a Man tells you that “HE KNOWS” this is wrong, and that this would not have happened in a perfect world, double check him. And maybe you’re better off without him. I am not saying to break it off entirely, but think about this why did he go to another women? There is something there that he is content with, you need to find out what that is, and do not buy just any excuse… Such as him saying that he knows that this is a mistake, if he knew it was a mistake why did he do it…. And sweetheart remember one thing a man that cheats on you once will do it again, maybe this is the only time you’ve found out about it, there may have been times before, and there may be times after. Be cautious with your husband!
2006-12-02 22:28:17 · answer #2 · answered by R A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he knows it is wrong but will not do anything to change it, he loves her, and is afraid of giving her up, as she is showing him all the things his low self worth enjoys, making him feel special, and important. he doesn't want to work on the marriage as bad as he wants to be with her. unfortunatly u must let this play out the way it is , and try and distance yourself from him, if u try to stop it or control it, he will only resent u later on. he has not made up his mind yet, and she is tugging hard on his heart strings, i know how much this must hurt u. just be kind when he calls, don't accuse or be angry no matter what u feel like. don't let him see u upset and not in control. just treat him nice, make it so he feels he can come home anytime if this is what u really want to happen. after awhile he will come home providing she doesn't push him to ask for a divorce. he doesn't even give excuses he just says he is not perfect which is a cop out. personally the hurt would be just too much to bear, and i would not have the patience to wait it out. the nicer u are to him, the more she has to loose. she may be a mistake but something is holding him there, and often times we blame orselves and wonder just what the other woman has. but it has nothing to do with u, it is all about him and the other woman and your husband's low self worth, and lack of self control, and lack of insight in himself. u will never be back where u were, this betrayal has changed it, and u may or may not be able to get past this. the longer it goes on the more hurt u will get.
2006-12-02 22:36:58 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's just covering all his bases!
He's making sure you'll still be around if it doesn't work out!
You deserve a real man, kick him to the curb and never look back.
Hopefully, no kids involved. If so, I can understand your insecurity about a future without him but I'm sure you can see the possibility of finding true love with someone who will thinks he won the lottery when he met you!
There are many resources out there to help you get on your feet. Believe in yourself and find the person you were before you met him.
2006-12-02 22:30:51 · answer #4 · answered by why 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you understand perfectly and that's why you've decided to have an affair as well, because you understand. You understand this could be a mistake, but also how hard it is to be with one person, after all you've been doing it how many years without ever even considering cheating, but now that he's opened the door you completely understand and hope he will be there when you need him. Seriously, you've done all you can do, the ball is in his court now you need to hit him square in the forehead with it....he's so using you honey. If he can't give her up then you give him up and do what you need to do to cover your behind. Get a lawyer now without discussing it with him. You need to get yourself in a good position. He's already left you emotionally, and physically.... .what's left is memories. Don't change your behavior, but please investigate your options. Good luck.
2006-12-02 22:37:39 · answer #5 · answered by crkristy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it is just that simple. Giving up the mistress means he won't have her to rely on when times are tough at home. He may actually have a deep bond with her that conflicts with your own. Or she's just more connected to him in bed. Doesn't matter as you should trump anything.
I don't forsee a happy ending. He's not going to give her up as long as you give him leeway. And he doesn't seem to be happy with you alone. You can try counseling.
2006-12-02 22:25:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you, but I think he is in love with this mistress. If he truely wanted to work on the marriage, he would be at home doing just that. I really think that he just doesn't know how to tell you that it's over.
2006-12-02 22:23:58 · answer #7 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
become what she is in bed. she has something u want ur husband and to get him back u must play her game. give him the best hottest porn star sex that he has ever had, make him realize that u are 3000 times hotter than the mistress could ever be, if it is sensitivity he needs then do that, what im saying is fight fire with fire and u WILL win him back. here on some hints, first porn star sex and plenty of it, long slow oral, hot massages, quiet nights without the kids, get the picture and in the end hie will be yours again
2006-12-02 23:24:48 · answer #8 · answered by keithy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
trust me, when he was with you he felt that the grass would be greener. I bet he told her the same lines he is now telling you.
Now that he is there, he is once again looking over the fence. He will ALWAYS be looking over the fence.
Men like him always think there is something better out there. The only interest they have in relationships is in how it benefits them. They don't care about meeting your needs and you are just a means to an end for him.
I have been there....trust me. Move on.
2006-12-02 22:36:23 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
yah i have many ideas.
first of all he is messed up in the brain cuse he cannot make the right choise even though he knows it's the right one.
second he is stupied enough that he is telling u he cannot make the decision to come home and leave his mistress and most of all is that he want's to work out the marraige and he is not doing it.
2006-12-02 22:25:42 · answer #10 · answered by Hally berry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋