my teenage sone is having sex?

Question

my wife and me had came home from a date, and all and we went in to check on our 14 year old boy to find him naked on the bed having se.x with another girl. my wife was so astonished that she just left, leaving me to blow up and yell at both of them and leave the girl running in tears. i had a chat later with my son and he said he was doing it to fit in with the crowd with peer presure, and that girl wasn't the only girl he has sex with, that he has did it with about 16 or 19 girls. what should my wife and me do?
my email is: [e-mail]

Answer 1

All you can do is tell him the facts and teach about safe sex. Kids are going to do what they are going to do. Give him condoms and explain to him the risks of having multiple partners and stds and aids. These are not things to fool around with.
Make sure he's using protection!
Try to make him understand that sex is a great thing, but it's not intended for him to do with every other girl that comes along. This is a special thing married adults do in the privacy of their own home...not in yours.
AND, tell him to respect girls more. What kind of girl is he with that's gonna just sleep with him without a relationship. Tell him these are not good girls to be around. They are sleazy disease carriers that care nothing for their bodies or their self esteem.
Dunno if any of this will help, my son is 2...i have a few more years before I have this stress..lol, Hope I've helped.
Good luck with this!

Answer 2

First thing, 14 is too young. Secondly, most freshmen in high school are virgins generally maybe one or two in a class of 200 men. Teens normally lose it my the time they are seniors, some even longer. As a senior in the high school class of 2007 and at least half of the men are virgins. In this case:
1. Doing it with 16 to 19 girls is amazing, though most single men who are 20 to 30 years old, don't even have sex with that many chicks. It is a problem; if it continues maybe take him to a shrink because he might have a sex addiction.

2. Fitting into a crowd? bull-crap. Your son has a personal opinion to say no if he really does it under peer pressure. Sex is special and should not be perform to 19 different "sluts" at school

3. Keep him active in school-sponcered sports. His school might be a sex-education class in place of PE to teach safe-sex, when to determine the right time for a teenage couple to do it, and other topics.

Now for the punishment, he can serve his weekend(s) or week(s) with a loss of privilages i.e (no phone, no tv, no mall, no internet, etc.). But, don't hold something agianst him till he leaves your juristiction (when you drop him off at his dorm room or where ever life takes him when he turns 18). It's okay to be suspicious about him in his room with a girl from school. But, it is still to your discretion.

Answer 3

Sweetie,there is not much you can do now,besides talk to him which should have been done before,but your son is the more important issue here.He has already had intercourse with all these females,so the first thing to do is go and get him tested for std's.Explain to him that,it is a possibility especially with that many random partners.Explain to him that std's are a life changing event,and they do not just go away,there are some that can be cured,but alot are for life.Also,speak to him about pregnancy's.Teen pregnancys are a huge issue today.The teen pregnancy rate is going up,and it is important that parents of not only girls but boys as well teach them how to protect themselves.Of course,he is going to respond with "But dad,i use protection"..well,it isnt 100% effective,and there is always the possibility of pregnancy or contracting std's even with condoms and birth control.Pulling out,isnt a method of protecting yourself.Cover all the bases,everything.Explain to him,that him "fitting in" now isnt what is going to get him remembered,but the standing out and being him is what is remembered.Also,contact the females parents.They need to know,in case something should come up.If he has admitted to having all these partners,i would make them aware,because you do not know how many partners she has had.Just educate him,and tell him that engaging in those activities is dangerous to his health.Speak to him about it,and if YOU feel a punishment is necessary,then so be it,YOU ARE THE PARENT.He may get angry,but later in life hell appreciate what you do for him.Good luck hun,have a good night.That is a tough situation.

Answer 4

Well, first of all you shouldn't of yelled @ him. You're all he's got, so keep that in mind! I'm 20 years old, & I know how peer pressure can be. I lost my virginity when I was 14 too. (not too pleasent to think about now that I have a daughter ya know??) You need to talk 2 him, & explain the joys & dissapointments about sex. BE BLUNT!! I also think he needs 2 go to therapy. If he's already slept w/ 19 girls, there might be something else behind that. Wether it be an addiction 2 sex, or "mommy issues" as we call it in my Psych class. Another great place to take him is PLANNED PARENTHOOD! They give brochures, tests (of all kinds if u know what I mean), classes, One-on-one discussions & the best part is, you don't have to sit there w/ him & baby sit him. You can provide the knowledge through a PPH specialist or yourself. They'll scare the hell out of him with the whole pregnancy thing. How do I know all this you ask??? I WENT THROUGH IT MYSELF! TRUst me, he needs a friend in you right now. Go appologize for yelling @ him. I'm sorry this is happening, but times r changing.... & not for the better

Answer 5

Since your son is already sexually active the best thing to do at this point is to give him accurate information.You need to find out what he knows or has heard about sex and give him some straight up facts.He is already having sex ,so no beating around the bush.Tell him ALL the risk involved.Not only does he have to worry about getting a girl pregnant, but he has to consider the STD risk. As soon as possible you need to get him into a local health clinic or his doctor and have him checked for all STD's, including HIV. Even if he say that he was using protection, there is the risk that it wasn't used properly.

Answer 6

Have a huge talk with him about how it is wrong. Whether it is cool or not, it can have MAJOR side effects. Think of all the diseases being passed around because teens are doing it. Also explain to him that sex is the thing that should be saved for marriage. Will his future fiance going to be happy that something that should have been special between them happen to 19 other girls, plus maybe more??? Hope that helped.

Answer 7

Most kids have had sex by the age of 14. I'd buy him a big box of condoms and teach him more about STD's. The scare tactic works pretty good if you show him all the stuff you can get from the girls that are loose enough at that age to be having sex. Also have him watch the movie "Kids" if he hasn't already. Its a good movie for a teen to watch. Really makes them think alot.

Answer 8

FIRST THING ABOVE ALL : GET HIM CHECKED FOR STDs. Next thing, inform him about stds and pregnancy, and try to make it scary. After his results show up, DO NOT SHOW IT TO YOUR SON. Instead make a copy of the results, change it to simulate that he got HIV/AIDS, and that he's only got about five more years to live. That will change his whole concept on sex. Also inform him that most high school students are still virgins, and that the people who are pressuring him to have sex are the minority of high school and can easily be ignored. Also, find out the girls phone numbers and inform their parents about this incident. Later when your confident that he has stopped having sex completely, tell him that he doesn't have HIV/AIDS.

Answer 9

Too many people don't take teen sex seriously. They are ready to say that drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and transfats are bad for teens, but not that sex is bad for teens. As an adult, I am sure you know all kinds of reasons sex is bad for teens. And that promiscuity is even worse.
I would take this very seriously. I would make sure he has no opportunity to be without supervision at any time. I would also make a thorough search of his room and the house. I would find a good counselor for him and require him to go; if he doesn't cooperate he looses privileges and possessions (they are actually yours anyway). I found a good counselor for my daughter through the school counselor. Your church might be able to recommend one; or your doctor; ask around.
There are also parenting classes available that may help you handle this.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Thats a really hard one! Especially since it wasn't just this once.

First, sit down with him and make sure he knows about STDs and protection, etc (I'm sure you already have). Give him a pack of condoms to carry around.

Then, ban him from seeing his friends. The least you can do is not allow them over, or for him to go out with them. Take away the thing he values most.

Whenever you go out, make sure someone's watching him. Like have a neighbor spend the night with him, or have a relative come over. Not a babysitter, just someone to make sure he's not getting into any trouble.

Other then that, the deed has already been done. Just pray he was using protection.