Caught my stbx cheating on me with a gal he met in a chat room. She lives 500 miles from us. This has been going on for about 6-9 months. He has gone to visit her several times...telling me he is on business. I have a keylogger installed on computer and record all conversations they have each night after I go to bed. Do you homewreckers get tired of listening about how the divorce is going? Do you like the idea that he is finally getting a divorce and you might have a chance with him?? Do you feel any guilt that a family is breaking up because of you??
2006-12-02 12:02:25 · 21 answers · asked by Serendipity 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The problem isn't the mistress its him or maybe you. You can't blame her. Why is the woman always the homewrecker? The problem is at home.
2006-12-02 12:07:44 · answer #1 · answered by Mechelle 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First let me say, I agree with everyone when they say stuff like it takes two to tango, and etc.. Every cliche is correct. But what about the moral responsibitlity, common decency of both parties. The fact is that these (excuse me for lack of a better term) women or homewreckers are part of the problem not the solution. We have people(these homewreckers) that are aware that their actions are selfishly causing irrevocable harm to children and the partners or spouses of the unfaithful; they are causing harm to, by their actions, to people that have done absolutly nothing to them. Where is the accountablity for thier acts of needless pain unto someone else. Everyone is right the unfaithful partner is wrong and for the most part should have the brunt of the responsibility, but what about the homewreckers. It takes two to tango, but these homewreckers get to dance, but are not held accountable for their actions. If I know that someone is going to rob a bank and don't mind hurting people in the process and I take any part in that robbery; being the lookout, being the gettaway driver,spending the money after the fact, or simply knowing and doing nothing about it, then I would by law, be held responsible. Homewreckers should be held accountable for the trauma they inflict on families not only the unfaithful spouse. I am tired of the true cliches, because not everyone is held accountable by them.
2006-12-02 20:28:14 · answer #2 · answered by 2live 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I don't know you, but maybe you should also look at it as your husband's fault, too. He chooses to get online and talk to her. Granted, she know's he's married and shouldn't be meeting a married man. I am soooo sorry for what has happened to your marriage..marriage is such a sacred thing. I hope your vent has made you feel a tad better, but somehow I think not. It wouldn't for me, either.
And to answer some of your questions...No, I don't think the homewreckers get tired of hearing about the divorce. Yes, I think that now they think that they stand a chance of getting with your husband. But don't expect it to last. Some women see married men as a piece of meat...and go all out to get it. But, then, once they get it...play with it a bit...it loses its excitement, and they're off to their next victims (families). Guilt about breaking up a family? Well, if the mistress cares about the man at all...yes..she would care about the family. Perhaps she won't feel bad for the wife, because I'm sure the husband has fed her a load of crap, but they kids...yes.
Good luck on your next man. All men are dogs, but some can be quite loyal and sweet and romantic...and puppy-eyed....
2006-12-02 20:28:14 · answer #3 · answered by lkjgfyfukh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear you are going through this. I am not a mistress just so you'll know that first.
It seems though to me that you put all of the blame on her and maybe not enough blame on your hubby. Sorry.
I am proud of you that you had a keylogger installed on your computer. You might not have ever found out otherwise. I wish you the best. You deserve better than this!
2006-12-02 20:13:03 · answer #4 · answered by butterflylover 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it does take two, she wouldn't be there if he didn't want her to be, as hard as it is to hear. i had it done to me and it destroyed my marriage, and hurt alot. yes i believe they do enjoy hearing that there will be a divorce, cause that means they get him, they want what the wife has, they want the security, and financial committment the wife has, and they don't care how they have to get it. i doudt if there is any guilt involved. my ex's girlfriend was in complete control of it all, even in convincing him to ask for the divorce, sometimes he would call and talk to me kindly, other times he would threaten lawyers, and taking the house from me if i did not get the divorce started, could always hear her in the background, making comments, and him making snide remarks, and laughing at me if i even asked him if we could seek help, and work on the marriage. she had everything to do with it, as he was weak, and followed her lead. she insisted on the divorce cause she wasn't about to invest in him without it. she simply wanted everything i had, because she didn't have those things. best to just move on and get a divorce because one will always know that they were passed over for the other woman. best to just let them go with the least bit of hurt one can get away with. sometimes it's best not to know about her.
2006-12-02 22:01:26 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both are definitely guilty. I am sure you are not easy on your stbx either.
I've asked the same rhetorical questions of the stupid b***h who thought she had her future all neatly squared away with my husband. DH and I have reconciled and she can go service herself and have the cold hard Christmas she tried to serve my family last year.
2006-12-02 20:17:34 · answer #6 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, I am sorry for your pain. But, truthfully, it takes 2 to tango. Hubby's halo is a wee bit tarnished. All he had to do, was say "no."
Do not blame yourself, do not blame the other woman entirely. It was his fault as well. Above all.......be glad that you're ending this.
You deserve a real man that will stand by your side. Real men do not lie and sneak. Infact, doesn't that turn you off? Good riddence to him. Luckily you were smart and found out the truth.
Good luck to you. Things will get brighter from here on out!
2006-12-02 20:08:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
try putting yourself in her shoes. Perhaps she really loves your husband. what is he doing to make her keep seeing him. i dated a married man for a long time. He told me he was getting divoreced and how he loved me and all kinds of wonderfull bs. i finally got sick of the "divorce" taking so long and went to talk to his "ex" myself. He had been telling her a totally different story. Maybe you should go and talk to her woman to woman and find out her side to the story. Don't threaten her, just talk to her. Also, if your husband is continuing to see this woman than it's not all her. She can't make him drive 500 miles. He does that all on his own.
2006-12-02 20:34:43 · answer #8 · answered by cromswife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear ya girly.... happened to me not long ago. I don't understad how breaking up a family can be so much f-ing fun....... I also don't understand why these kinds of women can be sooo heartless, Makes me sick... About ready to fly over and kill the one that almost ruined my life... But, I will not... I will get to have the pleasure of showing how much stronger she made my married when i see her next..... Never thank her tho.... still may kick som booty..... good luck..
2006-12-02 20:09:28 · answer #9 · answered by jayjay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all it isn't just her fault and if he is cheating on you then time for you to move on anyway why would you want a man who is sleeping with someone else and secondy karma is a B i t c h and it will come back on them eventually and how do you know that he isn't lying to her telling her a bunch of BS?
2006-12-02 20:54:37 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋