my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years.we have a daughter together,he has been drinking and disappearing for days.he will just leave and not say anything to me,ill be at work waiting for him to pick me up and he never shows.he started to do this a few weeks after taking xanax.he doctor gave him he has done this 39 times in the last 3 years.he tells me he will stop,but he hasnt yet.i dont think he is cheating,but it still hurts he leaves us last in his life.ive told him he can go out every saterday,as long as he comes home sunday,but he still takes off in the middle of the week.knowing he has to work and wont go.i do everything for him i wait on him hand and foot.all i ask is for him to be nice to me and let me know he cares.he said he doesnt know how to show me,this is the way he was brought up.so i try to deal with being alone and feeling like im not a women to him.i dont think that he will change do i keep holding on or do i finely say enough?
2006-12-02 11:03:18 · 13 answers · asked by joannluna1974 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
39 times in 36 months....ENOUGH!! Time to move on!!
2006-12-02 11:09:04 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl the very 1st question u should b askin isn't about HIM. The very 1st question u SHOULD b askin is...Why don't u think ur not good enough 2 have someone treat u right? What in ur past told u THIS is all u r worth? Who abandoned u? Sure ur lips say u don't like 2 b treated like this but 4 some reason u REALLY r OK w/this. Dad or some other very important man in ur childhood abandoned u- or disregarded ur feelings...that's why ppl like u stay around 4 this kind of treatment. Ur attracted 2 the "unobtainable". What r u holding on 2? The "good" times? How good r those times? R they ACTUALLY good enough 2 surpass the horrible treatment u r subjecting ur baby girl & urself 2? U r just setting up her future 2 b like urs. Is that how the woman that raised u was? Look what u have become. U say u do "everything" 4 him...WHY? That really IS the reason u r his "steady"-his "home base". He picked u 4 a REASON! He knows u will b there no matter how awful he treats u. Why would he leave u? He has his world by the purverbial "n*ts". U r only INCOURAGEING this behavior. U actually make it possible.
When u do finally get the courage 2 go. PLEASE OH PLEASE b ALONE 4 at least a year. Find out u really can do it. Maybe then u will find ur own self worth. If u don't then u r totally doomed 2 find another LOOSER 2 take advantage of u. Trust this- u r teaching ur daughter 2 except the very same treatment. How would u feel if SHE was lookin at u- sayin these very same things. Unless u r willing 2 "find" urself...get ready 4 that talk...cuz it WILL happen! U MUST flipp that script NOW! Or u will not only b doomed...but so will ur grandchildren. Oh yea it DOES go that deep.
I'm only speaking from experience. U have got 2 find the strength. If not 4 the love of urself-but 4 the love of ur future family. Through that, u WILL find love 4 urself & self WORTH!
This is TOTALLY UNEXCEPTABLE behavior... not from him eather. It is TOTALLY UNEXCEPTABLE the way u feel about URSELF!!! Y O U & ur baby girl DESERVE ur SELF-LOVE!!! PLEASE learn 2 love urself...ur baby does. She's counting on her wonderful Mama 2 do the right thing 4 her. Be the wonderful Mom she KNOWS u r.
Someone says something bad 2 us- the HORRIBLE thing here is we repeat that same HORRIBLE thing 2 ourself a million more times. Start with positive self talk. Tell urself every hour something good about urself. No 1 has 2 even know. No 1 REALLY knows how many times a day u say something bad about urself...2 urself. STOP IT!
Ppl will treat u the way u LET them treat u! I truely do care,Sweetie! If u want 2 talk somemore please check out my 360. I'm very INTERESTED in how u feel about all this that's going on. I actually FEAR 4 ur baby girl. U HAVE 2 stand tall 4 her also. SHE deserves a Mama that loves herself. So she can value herself.
I really do care- my thoughts r with u.
2006-12-02 20:21:30 · answer #2 · answered by Tumbleweed 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time has definitely come to say enough is enough. You dont need this guy and his bull and neither does your daughter. You have given this guy way more than enough chances to straighten out and he hasnt and it doesnt sound like hes going to anytime soon. You can sue him for child support but thats all, Go find someone that will treat you for you and worship the ground you walk on. If nothing else do it for your daughter as she doesnt deserve this. Good luck
2006-12-02 19:11:20 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He'll continue to do this as long as you allow him to do this. When you have finally reached breaking point, he will either change or you will leave. I dont see him changing though. I've seen too many ppl like this and the only way for you to be happy is to admit you are unhappy now and move on
Good luck. I wish for you the strength to make a decision thats right for you
2006-12-02 19:09:16 · answer #4 · answered by jewel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not good...
Does he have a mental illness?
Is he a drug addict or an alcoholic?
You say he's not cheating so where does he go?
I think he needs to get professional help and you and your daughter need more security.
Maybe if he's willing to stop get help and work on your relationship as adults and parents than this can work if he doesn't stop I can't see you hanging in their I couldn't see anybody.
2006-12-02 19:10:02 · answer #5 · answered by lol_des 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know in your heart what to do. Now are you going to sit back and continue with this type of relationship while the whole time you are giving approval for this type of behavior to be accepted by your daughter. Is that the kind of example you want to set for her.
2006-12-02 19:10:09 · answer #6 · answered by Mechelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to put yourself, and more importantly, your daughter first. Children need stability. By allowing him to just come and go the way he does, you are not providing your child with the stable home life she needs, and deserves.
Just because this is the way he grew up does NOT mean it's the way your daughter has to grow up. You need to find someone better, not only for yourself but for your daughter. She should be number one in your life...
Not the man who puts himself, and his own needs, before the needs of his girlfriend and child.
2006-12-02 19:09:12 · answer #7 · answered by Rhianna 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him how you feel. and if he still does it. sorry i would take your daughter and move on. life is to short and there are other guys out there that will treat you with respect. and have the responsibity like a man should have. you do not have to put up with that and neither does your daughter. what is that message sending your daughter that her dad is hardly around. shes small but she will figure it out that he 's doing that. think of her.
2006-12-02 19:12:11 · answer #8 · answered by misty blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are living with an addict. Enough is enough. It's time to leave. The more co-dependant you become, the more your child will see this and incorporate it into her own future behavior.
2006-12-02 19:08:08 · answer #9 · answered by bb4pb510 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate this for you but you have to leave. He doesn't care about you and is doing nothing but dragging you down. I know it will hurt at first but you need to leave for your own sake. You need to be happy and who could EVER be happy in that situation. Look at it this way, would you expect someone to stay with you if you were treating them like he does you??? If you stay, you are just asking for him to treat you even worse. YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WAY BETTER THAN THIS!!!!!!!!
2006-12-02 19:15:06 · answer #10 · answered by rudee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's outta there!!!! Living with an addict is dangerous. You never know what will set him off and if he will hurt you or your daughter. Good Luck. My thoughts are with you.
2006-12-02 21:53:45 · answer #11 · answered by luv2btan1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋